Aibu to serve a buffet at our wedding

[MimosasInFrance]

My partner and I are planning a wedding for this December, this is of course quite a fast turnaround (due to family illness) but we've been lucky to get a venue, DJ and photographer booked with relative ease so it is all going ahead!

We've opted for a hot buffet for the meal - likely a Christmas carvery type situation (a nice one!) because we felt that was a bit more relaxed and also, honestly, it was cheaper. I also thought people who have particular food habits (like members of my family!) might find it less stressful than a three-course sit down affair. We're serving plenty of wine and soft drinks etc. It's a twilight wedding so I don't think anyone should be going hungry.

I've just had a reaction from a family member who seems to think this is akin to serving beans on toast, and it's thrown me into a panic. Will everyone hate this and think we're being stingy?

I'm trying not to get sucked into everyone's expectations as I know that's how costs get out of hand.

Aibu to serve a buffet?

[Gnomechange]

planning a wedding is stressful because everyone has an opinion!

I love buffet meals and a carvery sounds lovely.

[LightandMomentary]

Totally fine, but just make sure that the venue works out the amount of food necessary for the number of guests (I know, sounds stupid but bear with me). We went to a large wedding a few years ago with a huge buffet provided - staff served at the food. Out of 30 tables, the last 3 had no food, and I don't mean a little food, I mean NO food. They were scuttling about trying to find anything to put on plates and we ended up with cheese and biscuits with bread on the side. It was dreadful and I'm not sure if the bride and groom ever knew, but it definitely marred the day for us. We attended with our 3 children and ended up leaving an hour later to go off site to find something to eat.

[BIWI]

To be honest, even if you DID serve me beans on toast, I'd still be happy. You have fed me, and I've been at your wedding.

Ignore comments like that and go ahead with what makes most sense to you and your partner. Best advice is not to share any of your plans with anyone else, I think!

And congratulations

[Darbs76]

It sounds great. They don’t have to come if they have a problem with it

[Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas]

@1VY

I don’t think it’s stingy. But can be very awkward for some guests, especially

older relatives

guests with disabilities who can’t stand in a line for 10 mins balancing a plate

anyone with dietary requirements as often there’s nothing for them or if there is, it’s scoffed by the first few tables who go up

guest who are at the last few tables as there’s usually hardly anything left

You also need to stop the first tables going back for seconds befroe the last tables have been for their firsts.

I think it works better if you have staff serving the food, as it’s stops the greedy bastards who push the front taking more than their fair share ( eg Dhs mates from rugby who think it’s a laugh to take mountains on food and leave it on the table uneaten ) .

Basicallh you need someone from the waiting staff to MANAGE it, perhaps calling up tables a few at a time and prioritising older relative etc .

Plus anyone with kids. Try to balance several plates while guiding children along a buffet is a far for enjoyable experience.

[Debbiejellinksy]

Sounds like a fab idea, I'm a weirdo who doesn't like cold buffets but I can get down with a hot one, especially a Christmas carvery! I'm quite sure those who turn their noses up will be happily tucking in on the day!

[SaltandPepper22]

YANBU

We are probably going to serve a “hot fork buffet” at our wedding next year. Partly because that is what is offered by our venue of choice, partly because it’s cheaper and partly because a sit down meal can feel very stuffy and formal and not necessarily “us”.

I’m sure your wedding will be lovely

[Sapphirensteel]

A lovely idea. Much more relaxed and informal. Hope you all have a lovely day.

[TheCanyon]

To be fair beans on toast is probably a million times better than a lot of sir down wedding meals.

sounds like a good idea to me as long as you have more than enough food.

[CeeceeBloomingdale]

It’s fine as long as there is enough seating. I went to one wedding with this type of catering and there weren’t enough seats. You can’t cut meat standing up very easily.

[EnterFunnyNameHere]

I think so long as there is plenty and food allergies etc are managed (some how) you're fine. We went to one where it was a complete free for all and as a result, we didn't actually get any food beyond a bread roll and a bit of salad. Luckily they put more out for evening guests which we were able to grab but it meant not eating from about 11.30am to about 9pm! Was in a marquee in a field miles from anywhere and we didn't have cars to pop out and get anything!

[Fifthtimelucky]

Buffets used to be much more common than they seem to be now. I don't know why they have fallen out of favour as, as long as they are managed properly, I think they're a perfect option.

We had one at our wedding 30 years ago, though it was mainly a cold one, because it was in the summer) and I'd definitely do the same thing again.

[Pennyhill22]

Great idea,I would love a buffet over a sit down wedding meal.

[SheWoreYellow]

It sounds lovely to me. The only thing would be to bear in mind that it will probably take much less time than a three course served meal. Ask your venue for advice so that you can work out your timings.

[AHobbyaweek]

We had a hot buffet style due to lots of fussy adult eaters. It worked perfectly as everyone could just pick the bits they would eat and no one was annoyed at a set menu they wouldn't touch.

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

@1VY

I don’t think it’s stingy. But can be very awkward for some guests, especially

older relatives

guests with disabilities who can’t stand in a line for 10 mins balancing a plate

anyone with dietary requirements as often there’s nothing for them or if there is, it’s scoffed by the first few tables who go up

guest who are at the last few tables as there’s usually hardly anything left

You also need to stop the first tables going back for seconds befroe the last tables have been for their firsts.

I think it works better if you have staff serving the food, as it’s stops the greedy bastards who push the front taking more than their fair share ( eg Dhs mates from rugby who think it’s a laugh to take mountains on food and leave it on the table uneaten ) .

Basicallh you need someone from the waiting staff to MANAGE it, perhaps calling up tables a few at a time and prioritising older relative etc .

I'm sure if there's anyone with a disability which means they can't get their food then someone will help them- it's a wedding, it's going to be family and friends!

If there's dietry requirements it's problem easier as they can pick and choose.

Wrt to people going back for more- it's a wedding not an all you can eat Chinese buffet on a Saturday night with your mates, I imagine most people won't do this!

[cushioncovers]

Sounds fabulous. And yes definitely have people serving it. One of the best wedding meals I've ever had was a summer buffet (July wedding)of hot roast beef, salmon & veggie options, then lots of side dishes which you could choose to go with it plus freshly baked bread rolls with butter. It was all served by staff and we went up table by table. People were happy because they got to choose what they wanted.

[Emmelina]

It sounds perfect to me. I’ve been to weddings where they’ve gone super posh with many courses of tiny fussy foods. So much was wasted because it was just too far from anything we’d normally eat! Carvery sounds perfect. Obviously cater for veggies too, but I don’t personally know anyone in my circle who would turn down a trip to the local Toby, honestly.

[Crumbleburntbits]

A buffet sounds like a good plan and I agree with the need to make sure the staff are serving everyone their food in order to stop some of your guests descending on the buffet like locusts! Tell the venue to keep some of the food back, rather than serving up everything at once to the first few tables. Make sure vegetarians, vegans and gluten free get to choose their food first.

[SurfBox]

As long as you have people serving it and not a free-for-all as the first tables to go up might eat everything / going for 2nds before everyone else is served

this can work though, it only gets fcuked up when it'd done on the cheap.

[Gensola]

Personally I wouldn’t have one because I think inevitably there’s a long and boring queue for food and everyone then ends up eating at different times, plus greedy meat eating people always take veggie option and leave nothing for those who are actually veggie/gluten free etc. We are due to go to a wedding in Dec which is a buffet and it’s definitely because the groom is too tight to pay for sit down meal, he proudly told everyone this at the engagement party!
Last wedding I went to (pre pandemic) we were last table up and there was hardly anything left, it was hog roast with all these amazing salads, dips and sides etc but that had all been decimated by the time our table was allowed up so we got some dry hog roast and a piece of bread and that’s it. Hard to see how that can be avoided, there was staff serving the salads and dips etc but they obviously didn’t feel comfortable saying « no you’ve had enough now » to greedy people who wanted more so they ran out.

[Livpool]

@LightandMomentary

Totally fine, but just make sure that the venue works out the amount of food necessary for the number of guests (I know, sounds stupid but bear with me). We went to a large wedding a few years ago with a huge buffet provided - staff served at the food. Out of 30 tables, the last 3 had no food, and I don't mean a little food, I mean NO food. They were scuttling about trying to find anything to put on plates and we ended up with cheese and biscuits with bread on the side. It was dreadful and I'm not sure if the bride and groom ever knew, but it definitely marred the day for us. We attended with our 3 children and ended up leaving an hour later to go off site to find something to eat.

I experienced this when I was 8 months pregnant. When we left to go back to our hotel I ate a whole tub of Pringles as I was starving

[EveryName]

I prefer a buffet

[ILoveAllRainbowsx]

Sounds brilliant.

I assume that the relative complaining has offered to pay the extra for everyone to have a sit down meal?

[Sherbet290]

Your wedding, your choice. Ignore them.