Aibu to serve a buffet at our wedding

[MimosasInFrance]

My partner and I are planning a wedding for this December, this is of course quite a fast turnaround (due to family illness) but we've been lucky to get a venue, DJ and photographer booked with relative ease so it is all going ahead!

We've opted for a hot buffet for the meal - likely a Christmas carvery type situation (a nice one!) because we felt that was a bit more relaxed and also, honestly, it was cheaper. I also thought people who have particular food habits (like members of my family!) might find it less stressful than a three-course sit down affair. We're serving plenty of wine and soft drinks etc. It's a twilight wedding so I don't think anyone should be going hungry.

I've just had a reaction from a family member who seems to think this is akin to serving beans on toast, and it's thrown me into a panic. Will everyone hate this and think we're being stingy?

I'm trying not to get sucked into everyone's expectations as I know that's how costs get out of hand.

Aibu to serve a buffet?

It sounds perfect. People will always have an opinion. We had karaoke at our wedding for after the band, so many people turned their noses up as it was a posh hotel. Everyone absolutely loved it, probably the best part of the evening!

My quote has been taken out of context and added to another post.

I said that a buffet may be cheaper but as long as there is enough food then it can be preferable. I said that the caterers can often be the reason there isnt enough food rather than the B&G. No B&G will deliberately choose a small buffet but when its the first big party they have arranged they will be led by their caterers who will tell them that they only need to feed 75% of their guests (which may be true after a large sit down meal for a split day/evening guest list) but for a full list who havent eaten, it isnt. The caterers are charging full price safe in the knowledge that not a single guest will tell the B&G that they have been ripped off.

I did buffet catering at my wedding but thankfully, having worked in the industry, I insisted on 125% catering and everyone was genuinely full plus a full bottle of wine per person on each table. Done right a buffet can work.

if you can't afford it then have a private wedding

What is a private wedding?

It’s still just a little bit shit though isn’t it? Cheap. Queuing up for school dinners like Oliver Twist. Some tables finished completely while you are still trying to weave your way down to your table with your little plate of buffet food. It’s a cheap way of feeding your guests and it shows. If this thread is anything to go by all the Bride and Grooms think they have put on the best spread and wedding ever… they haven’t.

What is a private wedding

probably the wrong use of phrase but generally immediate family only or a few witnesses. My brother had a private one and only people there were immediate family-that is siblings and parents. They did it because they were skint and it was a great day with three course meals after.
In the evening there friends came down to the bar/function room in the premises and the invites were casual but there was no expectation of food or presents.

If you're a snob then maybe. But as the bride at a wedding with several guests with very severe disabilities that made a formal meal a no goer, it really wasnt. The food was brought out and anyone could eat whenever they wanted to, it had to be that way for reasons of practicality. My cousin, the mother of the (then) child with the biggest issues, made a point of thanking me for making it so much easier for her and him.

We had good quality hot and cold food and lots of it, we served it in a way to suit us (also parents of a disabled child) and our guests. Yes it was cheaper but if you as a guest would judge us for that then you wouldnt be welcome, no matter how much you had spent on your hat.

FWIW at my second wedding I did it the same way, it cost more than the sit down option (again because I knew more than the caterers) but was so much easier and more relaxed.

Really there are only two options? A lavish do or got to the registry office alone? People should only ever pay what they can afford to attend a wedding and there should be no pressure to do any more. You sound like my mil, when I said £300 was a lot for a wedding cake she suggested we ask people to bring cake with them!!

We had a hog roast and it was lovely, there was plenty and it stayed warm right to the last table.

I've attended a number of weddings and worked at many more and generally find the sit down meal lacking. Firstly not everyone likes the same thing, also it's mass produced which often means it lacks in quality and it's usually cold/dry by the time it's reaching the last table. A buffet style means people get what they want and it moves quicker than table service.

Your wedding your rules, ignore your guests reaction.
Personally if I was going to do a buffet I would keep it relaxed and let everyone go up as and when they like. I have been to a wedding that was a proper sit down but served at the buffet and it just felt a bit odd all tables eating a fancy dinner at different times. People were having to queue right behind other people who were trying to eat. It just didn't make the meal as enjoyable. Going to a different wedding the buffet was more 'help yourself' and thought this was much better. People did mingle and chat more and groups chose to eat together. If I wanted a formal dinner I would pay for a dinner service so the whole room eats together but that's just me.

Really there are only two options? A lavish do or got to the registry office alone

I never said that but you need to pay enough for people to be fed, bit different now from a David Beckham style wedding with limitless funds. You like taking things out of context it seems.

Serve what you like, it's your wedding. I find it outrageous that people (family, whoever..) think they can make detrimental comments. It's your day, not theirs. Weddings are personal, and can cost as much or little as you want and can afford. I would enjoy beans on toast at a wedding!! (with a bit of cheese on top and brown sauce 😁)
Seriously though, the hot buffet sounds lovely.

An invitation to a wedding is a privilege. We had a buffet - it was practical. Rare roast beef, salmon and lots of salads. Was hospitable for everyone. A marriage isn't about the hen night/stag/after party. It's a wonderful occasion when commitment is the celebration. Not the food.

An invitation to a wedding is a privilege

in theory yes but in reality for many it's a headache, a financial stress and a task especially those with kids.

It's a wonderful occasion when commitment is the celebration. Not the food

so it's ok to leave guests starving?

It's a wonderful occasion when commitment is the celebration. Not the food

If its about the commitment, why do brides spend thousands of pounds on outfits to be worn once ? It’s not uncommon for clothes alone to cost ten thousand pounds for all the entire bridal party, parents, siblings and attendants.

For many couples it’s all about the show, the performance and the optics . So it’s ridiculous to expect the guests to be willing to starve to honour the bridal couple’s commitment .

Hospitality seems to be a dirty word these days - all this “ it’s my day, fuck everyone else “ attitude is appalling.

Hospitality seems to be a dirty word these days - all this “ it’s my day, fuck everyone else “ attitude is appalling.

I agree. To me, wedding are no different to any other party. Looking after your guests is the priority.

Asking this honestly. How does having severe disabilities stop you having a sit down meal?

I don't mind buffet as long as there's also a place to sit down and have a drink.

It doesnt but in this particular situation, it does make it much more difficult, and I was more bothered about guests comfort and happiness than having a formal three course meal in case someone thinks I am being "cheap".

How does a sit down meal make it more difficult for someone with severe disabilities? I don't understand. You still sit at the same table only difference is you queue up for your food?

It's your wedding. Choose what YOU want.

As long as you crowd control a little to stop those certain relatives stripping the carcass and offering help to those who need it (not as I've found much problem for disabled relatives on that score) it's all good.

The last few sit down meals I've been too have been SHIT. Cold food, crap service because catering companies want the wedding prices without providing the wedding service costs.

Your wedding, your choice, so long as everyone knows at the time of accepting (or not) their invitation.

I think somewhere along the way things have become so twisted.

This is YOUR wedding, they are guests. They are there to share your joy, and you are being kind enough to provide them with a meal, something to drink, etc. Since when do guests dictate food, service, music, drinks, or anything else being provided by their hosts? So rude.

And O yes, I think it's a lovely way to go. Plated food with table service tends to end in rubber chicken, overcooked veg, dried out fish, etc unless you are incredibly wealthy.

The wedding will already have taken place now, @stacyvaron.

@etulosba

no the bride and groom are the priority