Aibu to serve a buffet at our wedding

[MimosasInFrance]

My partner and I are planning a wedding for this December, this is of course quite a fast turnaround (due to family illness) but we've been lucky to get a venue, DJ and photographer booked with relative ease so it is all going ahead!

We've opted for a hot buffet for the meal - likely a Christmas carvery type situation (a nice one!) because we felt that was a bit more relaxed and also, honestly, it was cheaper. I also thought people who have particular food habits (like members of my family!) might find it less stressful than a three-course sit down affair. We're serving plenty of wine and soft drinks etc. It's a twilight wedding so I don't think anyone should be going hungry.

I've just had a reaction from a family member who seems to think this is akin to serving beans on toast, and it's thrown me into a panic. Will everyone hate this and think we're being stingy?

I'm trying not to get sucked into everyone's expectations as I know that's how costs get out of hand.

Aibu to serve a buffet?

[GCRich]

Nothing wrong with a buffet, so long as -

All food is vegetarian
or
A sniper is sat overlooking the buffet, taking out meat eaters who are approaching the tiny amount of vegetarian food on offer despite proclaiming to hate vegetarian food 99% of the time

[thecurtainsofdestiny]

I agree with @doodlejump1980 . It sounds lovely ( and not at all like serving beans on toast).

The only two weddings I've been to with a buffet, I've left hungry as other people got there first and loaded their plates right up, leaving very little for the polite people who waited.

So it's definitely better if staff can serve it.

With dietary requirements, I wouldn't rely on a label as I've noticed that people will just take stuff if they fancy it.

An alternative would be to ask staff to keep the special diet plates back so others can't grab them, and let your guests know that if they've asked for this, to let staff know, and the staff then bring it out and give it to them. I've seen that work well.

[LadyCatStark]

Not unreasonable at all, it sounds delicious! Enjoy your day 😊

[rookiemere]

There's nothing like a buffet queue ordered by table number, which lets you know exactly where you stand in the couples estimation.
If you do this, have waiting staff for some of the dishes and ask them to put half of the portions out at the start and then replenish mid way through.
I think it's a great idea in principle but there must be enough food for every table and for the last table to have almost as much variety as the first, for it to work nicely.

[Whoopsies]

I would LOVE beans on toast as a wedding breakfast 🤣

[thecatsthecats]

Nothing wrong with a buffet, but as an events planner I strongly urge you to consider the logistics of the layout. You'd be surprised by how many venues don't plan this properly at all.

I've had venues set up queues in obvious bottlenecks, venues setting up tables too close together. The key thing is space and plenty of it if you're going to have people moving around at the same time.

For example, the worst queue crisis I have seen the venue placed the tea and coffee at the entrance of a huge room, and the sugar came in individually wrapped lumps. So a queue of 250 people bottlenecked as the first people set down their cups, fiddled with the sugar, looked for the milk etc.

It sounds crazy, but I mimicked the set up of some really big events to streamline lunches, and they really thought through everything like, where does cutlery get picked up, where does rubbish go, what are people holding. The feedback improved dramatically if you think about the logistics.

[longlostwaistline]

It sounds absolutely fine and crowd control and special dietary requirements will make sure no one misses out. Enjoy your special day, hopefully the venue will be decorated for Christmas by then and that saves you money too. I got married in a December a very long time ago and friends said it added to the atmosphere.

[Queuing4Fergs]

@BIWI

To be honest, even if you DID serve me beans on toast, I'd still be happy. You have fed me, and I've been at your wedding.

Ignore comments like that and go ahead with what makes most sense to you and your partner. Best advice is not to share any of your plans with anyone else, I think!

And congratulations

You'd then have to go and confess all on the Bootcamp thread 😅

[DoubleHelix79]

Just make sure the veggie stuff is not hoovered up in minutes by all the carnivores who suddenly decide that they fancy the nice looking vegetarian options as a side!

[MyneighbourisTotoro]

It’s fine as long as there is enough food for everyone or you have people there monitoring or dishing up the servings onto peoples plates.

I went to a wedding with a buffet, by the time our table went up for our servings there really wasn’t anything left. We grabbed a McDonald’s on the way home, I was miserable!

[OompaLoompaa]

I think it sounds nice but like others make sure there’s enough food. I’ve also been the guest who got no food at two different weddings.

[DreamingofItaly2023]

We had a hot buffet at our December wedding, no issues at all and people liked not having set tables but just being able to sit where they fancied and move whenever they liked. Made for a very relaxed atmosphere.

[Katyrosebug]

Hi op, we decided to get married end of August and had a 10 week turn around and did it in November last year, we had a buffet as it was cheaper, it was topped up at night and everyone complimented it

[PuffyMcPuffFace]

Glad you said it will be served by staff. The three weddings I've been to where it's been self serve, they've run out of food way before everyone had been served

[MimosasInFrance]

Thanks everyone! I'll be talking to the venue this week and ensuring we over cater, and also put in place a plan for vegetarians/dietary requirements to ensure nobody steals their food (poss a sniper as a previous poster suggested!)

[BritWifeInUSA]

We had a picnic in a large garden for my first wedding. Sandwiches, quiches, pastries, fruits, scones and jam, etc. My two brothers both had formal sit-down meals at their weddings. Ours was definitely more fun and enjoyable.

[rookiemere]

I think that all sounds good but simple over catering doesn't quite address the issue of the first set of guests taking all the tastiest morsels. I'd see what the venue recommends - replenishment and some serving is possibly the way to go.

[BIWI]

@Queuing4Fergs

You'd then have to go and confess all on the Bootcamp thread 😅

Thank goodness I put 'if' in that sentence ...

[burnoutbabe]

It gives guests less choice surely unless you offer double and triple the usual amount,

As if there are way 3 meats you not only want everyone to have sone food but also the last table to have sane choice at the last.

In which case people may as well choose the main meat in advance?

Standing around a buffet for 15-20 mins is never fun and having to wonder if you have taken too much /not enough is frustrating for guests.

[Lastqueenofscotland2]

I have dietary requirements and I despise buffets. Someone always decides the GF/dairy free/veggie/vegan etc etc option looks better than the main option so has that instead and then those of us who literally can’t eat the main option get stuck with bread and limp salad.

[Lastqueenofscotland2]

Also I know a lot of people with allergies who find the serve yourself aspect stressful due to contamination and just won’t eat…

[picklemewalnuts]

People with specific needs- allergies or serious concerns about contamination- can have plates set aside for them. So when they get to the buffet they ask for 'bill blog's veggie option please'. It's given to them, they can add to it or not as they please. No one else can hog their food.

[KosherDill]

@rookiemere

I think that all sounds good but simple over catering doesn't quite address the issue of the first set of guests taking all the tastiest morsels. I'd see what the venue recommends - replenishment and some serving is possibly the way to go.

Do many people really have such selfish clods in their circle? That would grab what they could regardless of others yet to partake??

I honestly know of no one who'd behave that way.

[GladAllOver]

The family member who doesn't like it is welcome to leave before the meal, or bring sandwiches.

[KatherineofGaunt]

I've been to wedding buffets where I've been the last or almost last table called up and that's a pretty miserable place to be - not much left apart from salad, watching everyone else eating and having to wait 30-40mins or more to be told you can get your food (one large wedding in particular), no options for veggies or dietary requirements left and generally feeling a bit second-class because you're on the "bottom" table (although that can happen when tables are served seated too - even though I guess someone has to be last!)!

However, we had a buffet at ours and we did it differently. Only 80 people including kids, no set table places and no top table, people could get up and join the queue when they wanted, all gluten-free as standard (several friends and family are coeliac), more veggie options than meat and staff behind the tables to serve.

None of the issues I've seen previously surfaced. I think it's when people try to make a buffet more formal that you get problems. Either serve people seated or make it a more relaxed, inclusive buffet.