Aibu to serve a buffet at our wedding

[MimosasInFrance]

My partner and I are planning a wedding for this December, this is of course quite a fast turnaround (due to family illness) but we've been lucky to get a venue, DJ and photographer booked with relative ease so it is all going ahead!

We've opted for a hot buffet for the meal - likely a Christmas carvery type situation (a nice one!) because we felt that was a bit more relaxed and also, honestly, it was cheaper. I also thought people who have particular food habits (like members of my family!) might find it less stressful than a three-course sit down affair. We're serving plenty of wine and soft drinks etc. It's a twilight wedding so I don't think anyone should be going hungry.

I've just had a reaction from a family member who seems to think this is akin to serving beans on toast, and it's thrown me into a panic. Will everyone hate this and think we're being stingy?

I'm trying not to get sucked into everyone's expectations as I know that's how costs get out of hand.

Aibu to serve a buffet?

[rookiemere]

@WeWillLookBack :

"But - they are all there to celebrate your day. (and be fed for free) - they should be happy to be part of the day not focused on the food."

I agree and I never expect a wedding reception meal to be a gourmet experience, but when you're hungry and expected to enjoy another 3-4 hrs of festivities on an empty stomach,it's hard to focus on anything other than food. Even worse impossible with young DCs.

[ClocksGoingBackwards]

@KosherDill

Do many people really have such selfish clods in their circle? That would grab what they could regardless of others yet to partake??

I honestly know of no one who'd behave that way.

It’s not people behaving selfishly at all. A buffet does come with a suggestion that you can have as much as you want, and to be fair at a special occasion when you’ve made an effort and bought a gift etc, people should be able to eat as much as it takes to fill them up.

The problem isn’t guests taking food that has been offered to them, even when it’s meat eaters choosing the veggie option. It’s crap caterers and event coordinators who don’t think things through properly or provide enough food! It’s also couples wanting to have a big wedding with lots of guests when they can’t really afford to do it properly. A fork buffet doesn’t work with more than four or five tables simply because timings will always mean that some people have finished while others are still waiting.

Its sad how many posters have said they have been on the last table and have ended up with scraps and strange considering how no one ever admits that happened at their wedding and will only ever talk about the success of their hot buffet.

[ladydoris]

I had a buffet at my wedding. I prefer buffet style. All is in the logistics. There are lovely advice above. Congratulation.

[SurfBox]

Hard to see how that can be avoided, there was staff serving the salads and dips etc but they obviously didn’t feel comfortable saying « no you’ve had enough now » to greedy people who wanted more so they ran out

I wouldn't brand the guest as 'greedy' here nor would I put them at fault by any means, it's hardly something somebody would think of in fairness as you'd assume there's enough. It is the failure of the catering company or whoever is providing the food, they are the professionals. They should know the amount of guests and have the expertise to inform the be and groom pre wedding over how much food will be needed. If the bride groom ignore that then it's their fault but to blame guests for food running out is bonkers unless they are taking three plates of food each.

[SurfBox]

It’s crap caterers and event coordinators who don’t think things through properly or provide enough food! It’s also couples wanting to have a big wedding with lots of guests when they can’t really afford to do it properly

This. I don't get how people here are blaming the guests.

[lanbro]

We had a hog roast and a massive cold buffet, I didn't even see the hog roast but heard good reports, and the buffet was demolished. And I've just been to a wedding that had a hot Spanish themed buffet, it was a free for all so we just went up amongst the first and it was fine. Both were very relaxed, informal weddings and it worked

[SurfBox]

Then my hungry son was called greedy by the groom for being keen to explore the dessert buffet before the interminable speeches

What age was son and how did the groom know? What was your reaction?

[Rainbowshit]

The last wedding I went to that had a buffet we were the last table to go up and there was no food left.

[Havehope21]

Congratulations on your wedding OP! Your wedding, your choice re the buffet. I have been to other parties (not weddings yet) where a hot buffet was served and this is how they got around guests with dietary requirements / mobility issues:


dietary requirements - guests with dietary requirements already had a plated meal reserved for them. Not only did this reduce the risk of cross contamination, it ensured that those who could only have a specific meal didn't go hungry. Their options were also available at the buffet should anyone else desire that dish / if they wanted any more.

mobility issues - guests with mobility issues remained seated and would be served a plate of food by another family member. Out of respect, this was often done first and all other guests were completely understanding.

Hope this helps!

[Arglwydd]

We did this, it was fab! So much less stress.
However, i do not recall eating any of it😆make sure you both get a plate too!!
It’s your wedding. Ignore unhelpful comments and do what you both want. They are there to supposedly celebrate your marriage not winge about the food.
Hope you have a great day💐💐💐

[Abraxan]

Buffet (hot or/and cold) makes a lovely wedding.

Sit down meals can be lovely, but all too often these mass catered wedding meals are incredibly poor value and often not great food when you get it. Have been to some great ones but equally some dreadful, though v expensive, ones.

[burnoutbabe]

To be fair most people are whinging about not getting any food!

Not the actual food served.

[Arglwydd]

@burnoutbabe yep i did and it was my wedding 😆fair comment mind.

[Thebeastofsleep]

I've never been to a buffet wedding where they've not run out of food. One, a whole table was without food, another it was just the last 2 guests. Others somewhere in between. These were all where the venue had staff serving the food, not people helping themselves.

[Gensola]

It’s hardly whingey to complain about not having any food or being left with scraps because the buffet has run out.
have a buffet if that’s what you want but it’s funny how all the PPs who had buffets at their wedding are insisting how great it was and all the guests are saying how shit it was and that food ran out.

[Thebeastofsleep]

And whilst yes, it is your wedding and people shouldn't be complaining about free food, weddings are usually in reasonably isolated places and it can be hard to get food elsewhere. I've been to weddings where the wedding was at 1, so we've had an early lunch at 11 or so, and then not got fed until 6.30 or so, to then not get any food, would be quite a pain and being hungry would spoil my enjoyment of the day.

[Adamantspants]

@Thebeastofsleep

And whilst yes, it is your wedding and people shouldn't be complaining about free food, weddings are usually in reasonably isolated places and it can be hard to get food elsewhere. I've been to weddings where the wedding was at 1, so we've had an early lunch at 11 or so, and then not got fed until 6.30 or so, to then not get any food, would be quite a pain and being hungry would spoil my enjoyment of the day.

You are right there, we were lucky that the one we were at was in the middle of a town so we could slope away for a Mc Donalds and come back. The other one we just went hungry and it ruined the day completely. I think if there are table servers bringing over food you can help yourself to, that is just fantastic (it is probably dearer but so worth it) but queuing up in a long line like a soup kitchen hoping there is something left when you get there does not a wedding make.

[rookiemere]

@SurfBox

Then my hungry son was called greedy by the groom for being keen to explore the dessert buffet before the interminable speeches

What age was son and how did the groom know? What was your reaction?

It was his wedding day and he's a nice bloke normally so I didn't say anything. I didn't want to spoil his special day by letting him know his guests hadn't been properly fed and to be fair they had a 3 layer cake of cheeses which was the evening buffet so we didn't leave hungry.

[SarahDippity]

Sorry to go against the grain but I don’t think it’s a great idea.

Buffets were pretty much halted during Covid, and if there is a winter wave, which is expected, you might be wiser to plan for seated service.

Secondly, there is about 20% extra food wastage on buffets, which is an environmental consideration.

Buffet service is a pain for anyone infirm or with mobility issues, anyone trying to feed kids and themselves, and anyone with cross-contamination worries like allergies.

as a bride, do you really want to be carrying your own dinner?

what I would suggest (I’m an ex-hotelier) is, as a compromise:

1. served starter - choice of two, served to each table
2. choice of main course from the buffet - but have the main courses printed on a menu on each table, so people know what’s on offer before they go up. Call tables in turn to go up.
3. Platters of desserts for each table with tea and coffee served
4. have two buffet stations, manned by staff
5. table service for drinks

[5foot5]

@DoubleHelix79

Just make sure the veggie stuff is not hoovered up in minutes by all the carnivores who suddenly decide that they fancy the nice looking vegetarian options as a side!

Oh.
I am not a vegetarian but I often eat dishes that would probably count as veggie because I just like them.
I am an omnivore. I eat meat and fish but I also often fancy veggie food too.
In a restaurant I might choose a veggie dish or a meat dish depending on which takes my fancy at the time. At home I sometimes cook meat and sometimes I don't.

At a buffet it is entirely possible I might choose something intended to be the veggie option because I didn't realise that as a non veggie I was expected to eat only meat. Oops.

[mathanxiety]

It sounds wonderful. Everyone gets what they want, people chat while waiting their turn, what's not to love?

I would advise you to have a good few stations each serving the same food so that there aren't people waiting to be served when others have already eaten.

Make sure desserts don't get served until everyone has eaten dinner.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

As someone who has worked in the industry for years I catered for 120% at my own wedding. The event "manager" tried to insist that we should only cater 70% of guests but having worked events where the buffet has always run out I did it how I knew it should be done. Yes there will be times when only a small amout of guests eat (usually a full day event where the buffet is served a couple of hours after the big dinner) but more often than not, it ran out and there would be a pissed off B&G dealing with hangry guests.

At my wedding there were left overs but not much, and not a hungry guest in sight. Over cater, always. Never listen to the manager who wants your cash and doesnt actually give a shit about you or your guests.

[violetbunny]

@PyongyangKipperbang

As someone who has worked in the industry for years I catered for 120% at my own wedding. The event "manager" tried to insist that we should only cater 70% of guests but having worked events where the buffet has always run out I did it how I knew it should be done. Yes there will be times when only a small amout of guests eat (usually a full day event where the buffet is served a couple of hours after the big dinner) but more often than not, it ran out and there would be a pissed off B&G dealing with hangry guests.

At my wedding there were left overs but not much, and not a hungry guest in sight. Over cater, always. Never listen to the manager who wants your cash and doesnt actually give a shit about you or your guests.

Just out of curiosity, what motivation would they have for trying to persuade you to under cater? Are they trying to get you to spend the catering budget on something else?

[maryberryslayers]

Just make sure there is more than enough. Every wedding I've been to with a buffet type thing, the last up get the scraps.
Personally I really dislike having to go up and queue for my food, but if it's done well and you only have a small number of guests it should still be nice. I wouldn't do it for more than 50, otherwise half would be finished by the time the rest sat down.

[Tamarin456]

It’s your wedding so do what you want to do! And a buffet would be great!