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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it should have come out of her pocket money not my son's?

333 replies

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:16

My DC had to bring a small amount of money to an event for school yesterday. He brought it on the correct day and tried to give it to the TA and she said, no, you've already paid, you don't need to give me money.

She then came up to me today and asked me for money as he should have paid, she had made an error yesterday.

I asked him where it was and he said he'd lost it (he's 8 and probably put it in his pocket and it fell out in playground, I imagine.)

I said, sorry, he's lost it.

She said you still need to pay, he hasn't paid.

I said, but he had the money, he tried to do the right thing and pay you, and now he's lost it.

She then said, well, come inside and she found another teacher to translate (we're in Germany) and the conversation continued with her saying he shouldn't have lost it, he's going into year three, he needs to be more careful, and it should come out of his pocket money.

I said, look,the point is he tried to do the right thing and was stopped by you. Why should it come out of his pocket money if he then loses it? He shouldn't have had it on him in the first place to lose.

She was furious. She has form for being quite tough on him and has been for two years. He is having friendship issues, has just been diagnosed with dyslexia, and absolutely hates school. So in this case I felt it was unfair of her to blame him for her error, and chase me up.

WIBU?

For context, this is for an event at the school, so all money goes into a pot, and I spent plenty of money anyway - I actually bought a kid whose mum hadn't got there yet a bratwurst, so they did get the money in the end.

OP posts:
Noglassjustthebottleandastraw · 17/06/2022 17:19

Sorry op but I agree with the school lady. You still owe the money to her. Your son losing the money is a separate issue.

PulledPineapple · 17/06/2022 17:20

I’d have been a bit miffed that she hadn’t offered him a safe place to put it but she can’t really be expected to pay herself.

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:23

She wasn't paying herself. It was for an armband that got games, drinks etc at the event, all donated by parents anyway. So the money was just going to go into a big pot for the school either way.

OP posts:
Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:24

Noglassjustthebottleandastraw even though she made the mistake in not taking it off him when he tried to pay her?

OP posts:
DameMargaretofChalfont · 17/06/2022 17:24

Of course you're being unreasonable.

The TA made a mistake in saying your son had already paid - mistakes happen.
She then tried to rectify the mistake and you refused to pay up.

Your son losing the money is a totally different matter.

You should have paid.

evrey · 17/06/2022 17:24

No way, he is a child he gave it to the teacher she didn't want it. It's hard enough to send a pound in for mufti and them not lose it between the car and the teacher.
I don't think anyone should pay it.

LittleOwl153 · 17/06/2022 17:24

She was furious. She has form for being quite tough on him and has been for two years. He is having friendship issues, has just been diagnosed with dyslexia, and absolutely hates school. So in this case I felt it was unfair of her to blame him for her error, and chase me up.

Will he get the same teacher next year? If so I would look to moving him. Clearly this teacher isn't bringing out the best in him and as he now has diagnosed additional needs he needs to be with a supportive teacher to get these things sorted out.

AnnaSW1 · 17/06/2022 17:25

Bloody hell just pay it

caramac04 · 17/06/2022 17:26

I think the TA was in the wrong and should have kept the money safely. She knows he tried to pay. He’s 8! Most 8 year olds would probably lose the money.

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:27

LittleOwl153 No he won't have her again thank god.
I am going to have to see what happens. I feel like he's already been labelled the difficult kid and it's going to stick now. It is just so frustrating that even when he does the right thing he gets told he's wrong, and then blamed for it.

OP posts:
Discovereads · 17/06/2022 17:27

Yeah, you owe them the money. Doesn’t matter that the money you owe was lost by your DC. You’re not doing your DC any favours by getting into petty arguments with his teachers btw.

Heartofglass12345 · 17/06/2022 17:27

Why does he have to pay it out of his pocket money?

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:29

Discovereads It was lost by him because she refused to take it, though. He was doing exactly what he was supposed to do and she messed up.

@Heartofglass12345 It was her suggestion that he pay for it out of his pocket money. He doesn't even get pocket money.

OP posts:
Mally100 · 17/06/2022 17:31

Sorry but he's 8 and he should be able to be a bit responsible. I don't think she should pay. Although I also don't think it needs to come out of your ds pocket money because it was a mistake.

Happylittlethoughts · 17/06/2022 17:33

Your son lost the trip money and you want the TA to pay !?! Are you having a laugh ? Pay it and stop embarrassing yourself . Tell your son to be more careful

Discovereads · 17/06/2022 17:33

No, it wasn’t lost by your DC because the teacher made a mistake and thought he’d already paid.

There’s no real cause and effect relationship there. Say you’re going in to pay a friend £20 you owe them and they say “oh I’m sure you don’t owe me £20” and they don’t take the money off you then and there. Later that day, you lose the £20 note, say it falls out of your pocket whatever. The friend then texts and says “ooops, I realised you do actually still owe me that £20, can you pay me? You wouldn’t say “no sorry I lost the £20 note, if you’d taken it when I tried to pay you, you’d have it so it’s your fault I lost the £20. So no I won’t be paying you,”

You’re being unreasonable there. He lost the money because kids also make mistakes.

PleasantBirthday · 17/06/2022 17:34

How much money is it to cause this much aggro? It'd have to be at least fifty quid for me to be this riled with school staff.

Starrylight · 17/06/2022 17:35

Just pay the money OP. You/he still owe it! If you went to a shop and lost your purse, would you expect to still get your shopping for free?... You clearly don't get along with the woman, but that's a different issue to be addressed

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:35

Mally100 No one had to pay. It was a payment for access to games, drinks etc donated by parents at a summer party.

I will probably send in the money so that she can't give him a hard time, but it was her mistake and it's just as likely that another kid talked him into handing it over once they knew he had it, or he lost it. It's like she doesn't give him an inch, even knowing he is struggling with friends and that dyslexia makes organisation harder for him.

OP posts:
PulledPineapple · 17/06/2022 17:36

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:23

She wasn't paying herself. It was for an armband that got games, drinks etc at the event, all donated by parents anyway. So the money was just going to go into a big pot for the school either way.

In your post’s title you say it should come out of her pocket money?

QuidditchThroughtheAges · 17/06/2022 17:37

Yes he should pay. He's 8 not 4. Not her fault he lost it even if it was her mistake not to take it off him at the time

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:39

QuidditchThroughtheAges so I should pay twice even though the reason he lost it is because she refused to take his money he was trying to give her?

OP posts:
TigerLilyTail · 17/06/2022 17:40

I also think that you are letting other issues cloud your judgement here. You made a big drama over nothing. But, I do understand how hard it is dealing with SEN at a foreign school. It's stressful.

Discovereads · 17/06/2022 17:41

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:35

Mally100 No one had to pay. It was a payment for access to games, drinks etc donated by parents at a summer party.

I will probably send in the money so that she can't give him a hard time, but it was her mistake and it's just as likely that another kid talked him into handing it over once they knew he had it, or he lost it. It's like she doesn't give him an inch, even knowing he is struggling with friends and that dyslexia makes organisation harder for him.

I’m sorry but your DC struggling with making friends and having dyslexia doesn’t mean the teachers should not ask you to pay for an event that everyone in the whole class/school has to pay for! My autistic DC is about to go on a field trip….that was £17…I’m not whinging about the teacher or school not “giving an inch” because they’re not taking my DC for free! You sound extraordinarily difficult.

TigerLilyTail · 17/06/2022 17:43

OP, how much money is it? Like a pound or something?

Yes, it's annoying and the woman made a mistake, but your son should have put the money somewhere safe like his pencil case.