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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it should have come out of her pocket money not my son's?

333 replies

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:16

My DC had to bring a small amount of money to an event for school yesterday. He brought it on the correct day and tried to give it to the TA and she said, no, you've already paid, you don't need to give me money.

She then came up to me today and asked me for money as he should have paid, she had made an error yesterday.

I asked him where it was and he said he'd lost it (he's 8 and probably put it in his pocket and it fell out in playground, I imagine.)

I said, sorry, he's lost it.

She said you still need to pay, he hasn't paid.

I said, but he had the money, he tried to do the right thing and pay you, and now he's lost it.

She then said, well, come inside and she found another teacher to translate (we're in Germany) and the conversation continued with her saying he shouldn't have lost it, he's going into year three, he needs to be more careful, and it should come out of his pocket money.

I said, look,the point is he tried to do the right thing and was stopped by you. Why should it come out of his pocket money if he then loses it? He shouldn't have had it on him in the first place to lose.

She was furious. She has form for being quite tough on him and has been for two years. He is having friendship issues, has just been diagnosed with dyslexia, and absolutely hates school. So in this case I felt it was unfair of her to blame him for her error, and chase me up.

WIBU?

For context, this is for an event at the school, so all money goes into a pot, and I spent plenty of money anyway - I actually bought a kid whose mum hadn't got there yet a bratwurst, so they did get the money in the end.

OP posts:
DillyDilly · 17/06/2022 17:44

But it’s not paying twice - your DS hasn’t paid at all yet. How much was it anyway?

Acheyknees · 17/06/2022 17:47

I think you're blowing this out of all proportion, she initially made a mistake, acknowledged it and now needs the money. Just pay her.

Summersolargirl · 17/06/2022 17:47

This can’t be serious? You can’t seriously think you don’t need to pay becayse your kid lost it. The money is owed. Your kid loosing it is your responsibility not hers. I actually can’t believe you had the brass neck to suggest it.

PuppyMonkey · 17/06/2022 17:47

I mean it sounds like it would be less stressful for everyone if you just pay the money. But don’t take it out of DS pocket money.

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:48

Discovereads It was not an outing!! It was for an armband.

I would have spent five times that at the event anyway, it all goes into the same pot. Had he lost money for an outing before handing it over I would of course have paid, but the fact is she refused to take his money in the morning.

Yes it's probably a last straw situation after two years of her joyless attitude towards my son, but her suggestion that he needed to be more responsible was a bit rich given that she was the one that wouldn't take his money due to her own carelessness.

OP posts:
Aposterhasnoname · 17/06/2022 17:48

Firstly, you’re not paying twice. Secondly are you sure the money was “lost” most kids that age would spend an unexpected windfall like that. Thirdly, if you believe he lost it, why would you take it out of his pocket money, surely you’d pay. And finally, you say she should pay from her “pocket money” then in the next breath you say she’s not paying, so which is it?

RuthW · 17/06/2022 17:49

You owe the money. An 8 year old is old enough to look after a small amount.

Sleepdeprived42long · 17/06/2022 17:49

OP @Discovereads has given a very clear explanation of why YABU. Your son did not lose the money because the TA did not take it, he lost it because children make mistakes too. Ever heard the saying two wrongs don’t make a right? I’d pay up and move on.

dudsville · 17/06/2022 17:49

I think it's awfully harsh to give someone one shot at don't the direct thing first time around. The teacher made a mistake. Your son lost the money - i get that he's a kid, i lost loads when i was a kid. But your son and the teacher shouldn't suffer for those mistakes. What i don't get is whether you value the cause the money is going to, that might be the problem?

Wafflesnsniffles · 17/06/2022 17:50

I think she is being unreasonable. She made an error. Your son wouldnt have had the money to loose if she had not made the mistake.

WeeHaggisFace · 17/06/2022 17:53

Personally I think you should just pay it. Seems a drama about nothing to me.

worraliberty · 17/06/2022 17:53

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:39

QuidditchThroughtheAges so I should pay twice even though the reason he lost it is because she refused to take his money he was trying to give her?

Yes, that's exactly it although you don't seem to get it OP.

Whatever the reason for you son losing it, the fact still remains your son lost it.

I think you need to let it go and stop going on about him 'trying to do the right thing'.

Hellocatshome · 17/06/2022 17:53

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:27

LittleOwl153 No he won't have her again thank god.
I am going to have to see what happens. I feel like he's already been labelled the difficult kid and it's going to stick now. It is just so frustrating that even when he does the right thing he gets told he's wrong, and then blamed for it.

I dont think your behaviour is doing anything to help the "difficult" label.

DarkCharlotte · 17/06/2022 17:55

I'd be a bit annoyed with the teacher but more annoyed at my DD tbh for losing it instead of putting it somewhere safe.

If your DS thought he didn't have to pay because he was told so, then he should have been returning the money to you anyway, so he should have put it in his schoolbag or pencil case or whatever, or asked the teacher if they could keep it safe somewhere until the end of the day.

I don't think it's wrong to take it out of his pocket money. I know he doesn't have any, but if he did... Maybe next time he would be more careful with it if he thought he would lose something he wanted.

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:55

I probably will just pay it, but it is frustrating because he tried to do the right thing and she blocked him, then blamed him for being "irresponsible."

And yes he was, he did lose the money, but she set him up to fail by not taking it, and there was no acknowledgement on her part of that.

I am tired of it.

OP posts:
Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:58

Hellocatshome No probably not, but I have a very miserable child who is really struggling with school and reading and I feel like she could at least done her job properly so he didn't end up – once again – feeling stupid.

OP posts:
Undertheoldlindentree · 17/06/2022 17:59

This is not worth the goodwill you, or more importantly your son, will lose with the school.

Snoredoeurve · 17/06/2022 18:00

Dear Lord!
This is ridiculous!
The teacher made a mistake.
Your son made a mistake.
You need to pay so get on with it!
You sound VERY hard work

Discovereads · 17/06/2022 18:01

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 17:55

I probably will just pay it, but it is frustrating because he tried to do the right thing and she blocked him, then blamed him for being "irresponsible."

And yes he was, he did lose the money, but she set him up to fail by not taking it, and there was no acknowledgement on her part of that.

I am tired of it.

If you want to play that game, then you also set him up to fail by choosing to have him take the money in on your behalf. You know he is disorganised. You know he loses stuff. You knew he wouldn’t be able to handle any surprises along the way. Yet you entrusted him with taking your money to the teacher.

Viviennemary · 17/06/2022 18:04

He does still owe it. But the TA is in the wrong as she made the error in the first place. Don't pay it if you want to make a point.

C152 · 17/06/2022 18:04

I'm sorry, OP, I agree with the TA. It sounds like you're at the end of your rope, so it's understable to be annoyed, and I get that the money wouldn't have been lost if your son had just been able to hand it in when he first tried to. However, there are two mistakes here, and they're not really related. Yes, the TA made a mistake in thinking your son had already paid. Your son then made a mistake by losing the money. It's not the TA's fault he lost the money. She didn't "set him up to fail" and she is right that your son was irresponsible (although probably a little harsh to say it, given that he's only 8 and already having a tough time at school).

Viviennemary · 17/06/2022 18:05

Put in a complaint about her poor attitude.

Kiplingsroad · 17/06/2022 18:05

Discovereads He was taken to school with the coins and they had a desk set up outside where they could pay and be given his armband.

He did exactly what he was supposed to and went to pay, but she wouldn't take his money. Had she done so, he would have had it in his hand for all of ten minutes, which he could manage. What he couldn't manage was then keeping track of it for the rest of the day. It was her error, not his.

OP posts:
HotHeatDays · 17/06/2022 18:07

Snoredoeurve · 17/06/2022 18:00

Dear Lord!
This is ridiculous!
The teacher made a mistake.
Your son made a mistake.
You need to pay so get on with it!
You sound VERY hard work

Agree with this

madasawethen · 17/06/2022 18:08

Ffs just pay it. You're making your DCs school life more difficult.

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