To think it should have come out of her pocket money not my son's?

[Kiplingsroad]

My DC had to bring a small amount of money to an event for school yesterday. He brought it on the correct day and tried to give it to the TA and she said, no, you've already paid, you don't need to give me money.

She then came up to me today and asked me for money as he should have paid, she had made an error yesterday.

I asked him where it was and he said he'd lost it (he's 8 and probably put it in his pocket and it fell out in playground, I imagine.)

I said, sorry, he's lost it.

She said you still need to pay, he hasn't paid.

I said, but he had the money, he tried to do the right thing and pay you, and now he's lost it.

She then said, well, come inside and she found another teacher to translate (we're in Germany) and the conversation continued with her saying he shouldn't have lost it, he's going into year three, he needs to be more careful, and it should come out of his pocket money.

I said, look,the point is he tried to do the right thing and was stopped by you. Why should it come out of his pocket money if he then loses it? He shouldn't have had it on him in the first place to lose.

She was furious. She has form for being quite tough on him and has been for two years. He is having friendship issues, has just been diagnosed with dyslexia, and absolutely hates school. So in this case I felt it was unfair of her to blame him for her error, and chase me up.

WIBU?

For context, this is for an event at the school, so all money goes into a pot, and I spent plenty of money anyway - I actually bought a kid whose mum hadn't got there yet a bratwurst, so they did get the money in the end.

You need to pay. Stop being ridiculous. People are allowed to make mistakes. Doesn't mean it absolves someone else of paying. Your DS should have given it back to you and been more careful

And he didn't lose it because she didn't take the money from him, he lost it because he was careless

So if he brought it on the right day, then so would the other kids? So she would have refused everyone's as well?

YABU. Stop being a nightmare parent. Why does your title say it should come out of ‘her’ pocket if you’re now saying she shouldn’t have to pay?

Hurstlandshome sorry, it was 3 euro. So a petty amount and I'm being petty but my god the rigidness here does my head in sometimes, especially when my kid is trying so hard to do the right thing.

skinnythick I was being sarcastic, she was saying "take it out of his pocket money" and I was saying, she messed up, take it out of hers. Obviously she doesn't get pocket money, she's an adult. But I should have put it in quotes.

This.
Poor teacher.

Mally100 No, she only refused his. Not sure what you mean? He absolutely brought it in on the right day, we had notes to ourselves and everything.

Fucking hell, what's going on tonight?

So the bairn tried to pay with everyone else, TA said no, you have already paid so the bairn goes to play and loses the money. Later on the TA says, actually, I made a mistake and he does owe the money but the kid has lost it by this point. Easy done when they are playing outside doing handstands and cartwheels and shit.

Now the bairn has to pay out of his pocket money? No chance. If the TA did the job of collecting the money properly then this wouldn't have happened. Her fault and the money should be wavered.

YANBU OP. She is being a dick. I bet not all the kids could afford to take money in and they won't have been left out or told to take it out their pocket money. My kids school would never do that. It's all voluntary. Fuck her.

EarringsandLipstick Thank you. I can mostly handle the culture of inflexibility here but sometimes I bite back and today was one of those days. I will pay up though, to show it wasn't about the money but the principle.

I would just pay it in this situation and deduct from pocket money since it was lost.

Debinaround Bless you, and yes, fuck her. I am so over it.

You haven’t paid twice though, you’ve not even paid once

Firstly it's €3 - not worth arguing over. I'd have smiled sweetly and said "of course, here's a €10 note, do keep the change.

Secondly, however, I think this is a clash of cultures. My father was German and we have a few German/Austrian friends. The approach is different. Your DS was meant to pay the money and the expectation is that he should pay the money. The British dance of "oh really" "oh silly me" "it wasn't his fault I'll do it another way" just doesn't roll in a different, less abstract and more rigid structure. I have German friends in England who make me want to roll my eyes; similarly they roll theirs at the casual approach of Brits. By and large they bring up their DC to be a little more independent.

I think you were both wrong but you both need to own it and shake hands.

Put it out of your mind. If she says anything say yes, it's all in hand then forget about it. She's not his teacher for much longer.

But him losing the money has nothing to do with her mistake. Children lose things, parents have to suck it up.
*said as an ADhD serial stuff looser…

@ComputerQueen it had everything to do with her mistake. If she had done her job properly in the first place he wouldn't have lost it. He's a kid, she's a adult. A teacher no less. It's on her.

You should have paid it yourself, ultimately it was your debt.
If I'd been the TA I would probably have paid it myself though, once I knew it had been lost.
Children losing stuff is a fact of life, but the school won't be able to magically make it up/waive the cost.

Mistakes made all round.

My son is autistic and dyslexic, no matter what the amount I always send him with the change in a named envelope so if he does lose it there's more chance of it getting back to him, but It gets kept in his book bag and takes it out when he needs to. If he's having an off day I just take it to the office myself. It might be worth doing similar in future to try and avoid any loss again.

If HE lost the money then I would just pay it.
You are being dramatic and getting cross when people don't agree with you. Okay to be a little annoyed but for 3 euro is it worth it kicking up a fuss?

I don't think she did anything deliberately, even if she is a little harsh on your son in general, chances are that's how she just is. I don't always agree with how my sons TA can be but you're not always going to get people who will work with your DS that you like.

All this drama over €3? Ridiculously petty, why on earth would you create further problems for your son who has already been labelled as difficult over something so very minor, regardless of was to blame?

I think the perceived 'rigidness' may be a bit of a the grass is always greener on the other side thing. I went through the German school system and find the rigidness and ridiculous rules about school uniforms, hairstyles and attendance in many UK schools quite baffling and frustrating.

This. And this comes from someone with a disability that made similar tasks very difficult at school. My mother once got into trouble for writing a message on my forehead as I couldn't be trusted to hand in a note (which shows just how disorganised I could be).

Her behaviour was wrong. But he was the one who lost the money. She didn't cause him to lose it.

Don't turn him into the kind of adult who blames everyone else for their mistakes.

Christ I'm with Deb and OP (and so would everyone at my school be - especially for 3 Euro).

Kids aren't supposed to have money at school for exactly this reason. They're not used to having money, he wasn't expecting to have money all day. At mine, if they are expected to have money that they will be managing (eg for a summer fair) they are asked to bring it in a purse. If it's 2 euro for pyjama day or whatever, then they hand it in immediately for exactly this reason (It's not like many jogging bottoms have zips on the pockets!)

At my school this wouldn't even be a thing. Every kid gets to participate whether they pay or not, and if there's a mistake then everyone shrugs and gets on with it - like OP says it was all for a fundraising pot anyway, and she spent other money.

I'd have smiled sweetly and said "of course, here's a €10 note, do keep the change.

What?! What point exactly would this make?

Oh, and I'm not saying that I'd let my 8 year old off the hook, I'd tell him that next time he should put the money in his bag. But that the teacher was wrong not to take the money too.

It shouldn’t come out of his pocket money but it does need to be paid so you should just pay it. Yes he may not of lost it if he could have handed it in earlier, he’s 8 and these things happen. Just pay it and stop making a huge drama out of the situation.