To think it should have come out of her pocket money not my son's?

[Kiplingsroad]

My DC had to bring a small amount of money to an event for school yesterday. He brought it on the correct day and tried to give it to the TA and she said, no, you've already paid, you don't need to give me money.

She then came up to me today and asked me for money as he should have paid, she had made an error yesterday.

I asked him where it was and he said he'd lost it (he's 8 and probably put it in his pocket and it fell out in playground, I imagine.)

I said, sorry, he's lost it.

She said you still need to pay, he hasn't paid.

I said, but he had the money, he tried to do the right thing and pay you, and now he's lost it.

She then said, well, come inside and she found another teacher to translate (we're in Germany) and the conversation continued with her saying he shouldn't have lost it, he's going into year three, he needs to be more careful, and it should come out of his pocket money.

I said, look,the point is he tried to do the right thing and was stopped by you. Why should it come out of his pocket money if he then loses it? He shouldn't have had it on him in the first place to lose.

She was furious. She has form for being quite tough on him and has been for two years. He is having friendship issues, has just been diagnosed with dyslexia, and absolutely hates school. So in this case I felt it was unfair of her to blame him for her error, and chase me up.

WIBU?

For context, this is for an event at the school, so all money goes into a pot, and I spent plenty of money anyway - I actually bought a kid whose mum hadn't got there yet a bratwurst, so they did get the money in the end.

emptyandsad actually it's been great for me - I've had some really good advice here from a lot of posters who either work in schools or have children with learning disabilities. It's been fantastic and I am very thankful.

shimmeringshadow I'm definitely paying 3 euro for the moral high ground and to keep the peace for my son, and will write a very polite explanatory email to explain why I am doing so.

Hahaha you sound delusional
Pay the freaking money already. Your kid didnt pay. He lost it. Now you still owe money. What does the fact your kid has dyslexia got to do with him losing money?!! Nothing.

I love it that so many here are berating a child's carelessness in losing the money (a child with additional needs no less) but excusing an adult who apparently is unable to read a simple list of names with ticks next to them.

I'm also enjoying the posts from those who don't seem to realise (even though it has been explained again and again) that the OP paid for another child's bratwurst and the money all went into a pot for the whole class.

As usual, this is an odd thread that has seemed to attract a few bullies who like a pile on just because in some sad way it makes them feel better about themselves.

I hope that your son gets some nice teaching staff in his next year, OP.

All the people saying 'he is 8 he shouldn't lose things' 'he lost it because he is careless' etc etc.
This is a child who is dyslexic. Children with dyslexia find organisation very hard, they frequently lose things, they have to work a great deal harder than NT children to not 'be careless'. Because they aren;t being careless they have a learning difficulty which , amongst other things, presents as problems with organising themselves, putting things away safely, predicting that money in
their pocket may well fall out, remembering they have money in their pocket. We are not talking a standard 8 year old. We are talking about a little boy with challenges. The TA should be well aware of his difficulties.

he actually did pretty
well to remember to give his money to the TA. My son would have struggled with that at 8. Not OP's DS fault the teacher made a mistake.

So I'm in the minority but I'm with you OP. Its a shame that this TAs ineptitude undermined the fact that he managed to to organise
himself sufficiently to find the TA and try to pay her. Well done to him for that.

Yabu. Yes she shouldn't have said he'd paid when he hadn't but him losing the money isn't her fault either and if he needs to pay he needs to pay!

Yetanotherspartacus the kid who I bought the bratwurst for came and found me later to give me 1 euro change, bless him.

amydudley I have so much to learn about dyslexia and how it impacts kids - his frustrations & "carelessness" make so much more sense now. And yes the TA is well aware - we had been in a meeting earlier that very morning discussing his unhappiness and difficulties.

He won't be seen as a difficult child, you will be seen as a difficult parent. You are making school life tough for him, he will not forget.

But 'thick skinned' OP has reported my post because she can't handle the truth. As you saw yourself, zero abuse in it. Zero.

You crack on, OP. Glad you enjoyed being pandered to and disregarding any comments that criticised you in any way. Great use of everyone's time.

you’re on every thread ‘straight talking’ and having your posts removed. maybe give it a rest, go out and enjoy the sunshine

Posts now get removed because someone reports them, whether or not they break any rules. Most OPs are not as fragile as this one.

I'm actually with you OP. Why would a kid who had already paid be trying to pay her, for starters? I have students who I sometimes have to give change to (including teenagers) and I always check they have a zip up pocket or a bag to put it safely in, and if not I keep it til the end of the class and give it to them then.
I'd have been embarrassed if I was her chasing it up when it was my mistake.

I'm amazed at those beating up on an 8-year-old (even remotely).
He lost the money. Yes.
Had the TA been competent at her job, he wouldn't have had the money to lose.
Added to which she(?) was stroppy rather than apologetic.
Perhaps the TA could find a job that doesn't involve reading lists?

Seriously. It isn't her fault your son lost it. Also it's not YOUR fault that he lost it. However the thing is, he is YOUR son. I can't imagine the amount to be massive if you trust him with it anyway so just fork it out again. If he lost it on the way to school you won't ask the local council or whatever to pay it would you?

Why are some posters berating the TA? We all make mistakes. The boy did, the TA did. OP on the other hand is just creating a situation where there is none.

‘Beating up’?! Talk about over-dramatising.

@pixie5121

Your comments towards OP are downright nasty.

Beating up’?! Talk about over-dramatising.

@WomanStanleyWoman2

The poster said 'beating up on' and that's correct - some of the comments towards OP's son have been awful.

Fair play to OP, as I would find it extremely hard to read, then keep posting, some comments about my DS made here.

Im only up to page 6 here as I write this but...

1. Have you never made a mistake?

1. How would you have reacted in the scenario that she hadn't refused, but turns out you already had paid, so she actually took your money twice? I'm sure you wouldn't have been happy then?!

Sorry that came out a bit meaner sounding than i intended! I know you aren't happy with her behaviour (and after reading how she leaves him to cry and just tells him to make new friends I wouldn't be either as a mother) but in view of the box ticking exercise, she is only human and we all make mistakes sometimes.

And OP has just been lovely towards everyone, including the TA (who she has called a 'cow').

This place is a fucking riot.

I know what she said. I don’t agree it’s correct. It’s ridiculously dramatic.

EarringsandLipstick Thank you. To be fair i posted on AIBU as I wanted the traffic and i have had some excellent advice here for my son along with those who have been less helpful. And who I report 😉

My son was in tears tonight about school tomorrow as he has nothing to do in the break and it transpires this same TA has banned him, and him alone, from the drawing table as he made a mess. Knowing him it would have been a real mess, but drawing is the one thing he is really good at. I have written a very nice email to his teacher asking politely that the ban be lifted on, and if he's distressed at at school i will come and get him.

I've also told her the 3 euro is in his communications book, put it in an envelope with his name on it, plus a paper clip and post-it note to really make my point.

My son was in tears tonight about school tomorrow as he has nothing to do in the break and it transpires this same TA has banned him, and him alone, from the drawing table as he made a mess.

Your poor DS. I really hope your communications have some impact & hopefully the time is limited in terms of his interaction with her.

And OP has just been lovely towards everyone, including the TA (who she has called a 'cow').

Well, yes, I think the OP has been fine? Where has she not been?

I think in fairness the TA deserved to be called that. Read OP's posts. And the TA is not on this thread - OP is & has had to read nasty comments, especially yours, directed at her & her son.

@readr YABVU
No, he didn't lose it because the TA did not take it. He lost it because he was careless.

WHAT? He was given money to give straight to the teacher. He did what he was supposed to and then unexpectedly was left with the money! He has open pockets without zips (like most school uniforms!) He runs around the playground being a normal 8 year old, forgets about the money which he and his mother did not expect him to have to keep, and it probably fell out then ...or maybe when sitting in Assembly/in class...those open pockets again! And all this because a teacher made a mistake, which is human...just as HE is an 8 year old and human!

So it appears the teacher makes a mistake and its just "mistakes happen", an 8 year old child makes a mistakes (ie forgets about it when playing like probably 99% of 8 year olds) and its his fault/he has to learn bla bla bla!

Honestly!