To think it should have come out of her pocket money not my son's?

[Kiplingsroad]

My DC had to bring a small amount of money to an event for school yesterday. He brought it on the correct day and tried to give it to the TA and she said, no, you've already paid, you don't need to give me money.

She then came up to me today and asked me for money as he should have paid, she had made an error yesterday.

I asked him where it was and he said he'd lost it (he's 8 and probably put it in his pocket and it fell out in playground, I imagine.)

I said, sorry, he's lost it.

She said you still need to pay, he hasn't paid.

I said, but he had the money, he tried to do the right thing and pay you, and now he's lost it.

She then said, well, come inside and she found another teacher to translate (we're in Germany) and the conversation continued with her saying he shouldn't have lost it, he's going into year three, he needs to be more careful, and it should come out of his pocket money.

I said, look,the point is he tried to do the right thing and was stopped by you. Why should it come out of his pocket money if he then loses it? He shouldn't have had it on him in the first place to lose.

She was furious. She has form for being quite tough on him and has been for two years. He is having friendship issues, has just been diagnosed with dyslexia, and absolutely hates school. So in this case I felt it was unfair of her to blame him for her error, and chase me up.

WIBU?

For context, this is for an event at the school, so all money goes into a pot, and I spent plenty of money anyway - I actually bought a kid whose mum hadn't got there yet a bratwurst, so they did get the money in the end.

That didn't cause him to lose it, did it?

OP
We KNOW he tried to do the right thing. Well done!

Yes, she is tough on him. That sucks.

YOU STILL NEED TO PAY

she set him up to fail by not taking it, and there was no acknowledgement on her part of that

she really didn’t.
don’t teach DC to play the victim card every time something goes wrong in their life, they lost the money not the TA.

Not everything is a claim OP.

So she made a mistake. But it's not her fault your son lost the money.

And you do realise that TA's earn about £14K a year.

It's not enough to support a grown adult, never mind doling out money for pupils.

Grow up OP, and just pay the money.

My school wouldn’t make him pay. They are aware that money is tight for a lot of people and payment for this sort of thing is always a voluntary donation.

OK I'll send it in on Monday but explain what happened and why it was frustrating that he lost it, given that he tried to do the right thing.

It’s no more her error than it is your error.

She didn't set him up to fail. If you knew he'd struggle to look after it you should have put it in a small envelope or pouch or gone with him to pay.

You've asked AIBU, and the general consensus is yes you are. If you're not prepared to accept the responses, don't ask the question. And these things happen in life. It's really not the end of the world.

Her comments would annoy me , it’s not for her to offer her opinion on where the money should come from & it’s not right that you suggested she should pay
it was just one of those things
Pay & move on

I think you need a glass of wine and a chill out OP.

AhNowTed As I have repeatedly said, she won't have to pay out of her own pocket.

And as I've also said, we are in Germany - she would be on at least double that, not that it makes a difference to this anyway.

Discovereads he tried to pay her and she refused his money. Of course it's her error, not his or mine. He is a child, she is an adult.

I think you're just baiting and being deliberately obtuse so I'm ignoring you from now on.

Hmmm, although I would probably just pay it I would be annoyed with the TA and think she is being very mean. My DC dropped a coin and it rolled away, their teacher then paid for their sweets which I think was very kind and unexpected.

TempName01 That is very sweet. You are clearly not in Germany.

YANBU to feel defensive of your son and this TA sounds absolutely lacking in key skills like empathy, support or emotional self-regulation that she needs to do her job. Good luck next year I hope you get a class without her.
However, it sounds like she's digging her heels in and that your DS is the one who will miss out if you don't just pay her.
And if she says he should be more careful again, maybe point out she was the careless one not keeping track of who had paid/hadn't and that, since she is vastly over the age of 8 (we assume), she shouldn't comment on your son's organization skills or lack thereof.

Nope she should pay, 8 year old boys are careless and she should have at least offered to put it somewhere safe. Its her fault and tbh she sounds like a right dragon.

That wasn’t the reason though was it?he lost it because he didn’t put it safe. I’ve sympathy, small kids lose everything, but it wasn’t her fault he lost it.

She really, really didn’t. He could have lost the money on the way to school or in the playground before he went in - kids lose things. Why was he perfectly capable of looking after the money for long enough to get it to school, but as soon as the TA made a mistake and said he didn’t have to pay, holding on to said money suddenly became this massive responsibility that no child could reasonably be expected to bear?

She cocked up. She shouldn’t have. But she didn’t ‘make’ your son lose the money.

I think this is a case of choose your battles. I would be sympathetic with him and not expect him to pay himself - losing the money will make him feel bad enough anyway. Talk about what to do next time to keep it really safe.

You've gone into protective mode because of the history, but she was only trying to save him from paying twice and made an honest mistake.

@Kiplingsroad yes!

😂

I agree with you op, it was her error.

Given the situation the school should have waived it.
Why won't you tell us how much it was OP? That's the bit that's bugging me. Or have I missed it?

OP I can see where you are coming from.

If it was the case that the money was for a trip, I might feel you still had to pay. The fact it was just a fundraiser for the school, there was no 'loss' if he didn't pay, and you spent plenty of money at the event anyway, leads me to feel that she (TA) should have apologised for her error & left it.

Hounding you for it isn't right.

I have some experience with working in Germany & my sister lived there with her kids for a number of years. It's pretty rigid & rules-oriented without a great deal of understanding about being flexible.

But she didn't lose the money, your son did.
If she had taken the money, and then she lost it, then that would be on her and your son wouldn't need to pay again.

But she didn't lose the money. She never touched the money. Your son lost it, and thus is entirely on him. His armband has not yet been paid for, so he (or you on his behalf) still need to pay for that.