Man I am seeing dropped a bit of a bombshell now I’m unsure what to do

[Polkadotdress1]

Hi

I have been seeing a man for about three months. At first it was just casual but we do get along well and have had some nice dates etc. I have developed feelings for him but I have not told him this.

I saw him the other day and he dropped a bit of a bombshell. Think interest in swinging, poly etc. Which he also on a forum for. This is not something I have any experience or interest in and I feel quite confused. I do really like him but I’m just not sure what to do. Any advice welcome

You end it, unless of course you're secretly interested in polyamory or swinging.

This is a fundamental level incompatibility.

Don't waste anymore of your time. Find a man whose available and able to give you the committment and security you desire in a relationship.

How did he ‘drop’ this into conversation? Was it mentioned as in he wants you to join in? If you are not happy with this then you probably need to cut the relationship short.

It would put me off.

Thank you. I feel quite sad as I do like him.

@TiredyMcTired I basically just asked him outright if he is seeing anybody else I was curious. He told me no but that if he sees someone he is interested in he will consult with his partner etc and then came the conversation about polyamory. He mentioned about the swinging forum too.

During sex he said think about if your friend was here too. Things along those lines.

Unless you actively want that, and you did before you met him, drop him like he's hot. No good can come from it.

So it’s a no isn’t it?

It’s not something I’ve ever thought about or would be interested in personally. We get on so well and have lots in common so everything else is fine but I wasn’t really expecting this

He's grooming you OP !

If it’s not something you’re into, dump him. I would. Polygamy is not for me.

If you’re not remotely interested then it’s not going to work, sorry.

We are friends with a straight, married couple who each have separate boyfriends, girlfriends, group arrangements, all sorts. They have cast-iron guarantees (literally written agreements) between them of what’s ok and what’s not and they stick to them like glue.

It’s not for the faint hearted (there seems to be a lot of admin 😆) but they seem to get huge amounts of joy from it all.

He also talks a lot about other couples he knows and things like that which makes me question things

Then you dump. There's no compromise here.

What about if HIS friend was there? Mick from football.

I would be sprinting for the hills. Sounds like he's preparing you to have zero expectations of monogamy.

How nice of him to nor bring it up for three months. I’d cut my losses and move on and tell him why. Might save someone else three months of their life.

Don't change your boundaries. They are there for a reason. He has been honest with you but it is not what you want. And you think he doesn't know you like him?! Of course he does! But, my take is that he doesn't want you in any other way, 'cept horizontal.

Not sure why you are questioning it. If you want to be in a relationship with a swinger who wants to shag you and your friends together then for you he’s a keeper. If not, no amount of compatibly will help here. At least he was eventually honest.

I'm guessing the forum is Fabswingers. Run a mile. He'll never be faithful and 99% of people on there are the absolute dregs. He's probably into some pretty seedy grotty stuff (and I'm reasonably open minded despite the impression you may get from this comment, har har).

If you’re asking if you should participate in swinging or a polyamorous relationship in order to hang on to some bloke, then no…no you shouldn’t.

Thank you all. I suppose it’s because I wasn’t expecting it and I’ve had a nice time with him so far so a bit of a shock!

His hobby is shagging.

Dump.

Get shut on it

Run

You're being groomed for abuse

Run. Run a mile. Block him on all platforms