Man I am seeing dropped a bit of a bombshell now I’m unsure what to do

[Polkadotdress1]

Hi

I have been seeing a man for about three months. At first it was just casual but we do get along well and have had some nice dates etc. I have developed feelings for him but I have not told him this.

I saw him the other day and he dropped a bit of a bombshell. Think interest in swinging, poly etc. Which he also on a forum for. This is not something I have any experience or interest in and I feel quite confused. I do really like him but I’m just not sure what to do. Any advice welcome

Then I’d say you have your solution. Run a mile, he sounds like he’s trying to include you in his preferences. Ew.

What a turn off 🤢

😆

Sounds gross. Get rid of him unless you are really excited at the prospect of participating in all of his fantasies.

He is a fucker for only bringing this up now. He should have been really upfront about it right from the off.

poly whating?!! What is that?!!

Run.

I think this is where its key to know yourself.

Is this you? Does this sit on your moral compass?

If the answers no, end it now and move on because it will always sit badly with you,

If your comfortable with it then great.

Have you thought about sexually transmitted diseases. Don't think anyone has mentioned this yet. When you sleep around you have to think about this
Where has been lol.

He's waited 3 months to tell you something which is a make or break issue. Have you wondered why he's not dating someone from the swingers site? That would seem an obvious thing to do if you were looking for a like minded partner. He may seem lovely but his actions tell you he's not. Dump him and don't look back.

My boundaries are not great and I have tendencies to do things I’m not always comfortable with or interested in just to please other people!

Shagging who you want and pretending you're loyal

But it’s definitely not something I’ve ever thought about. He likes to tell me his past sexual experiences too which I don’t really like either

You need to exit this relationship. It can only go one of three ways: you make him stop swinging and he gets obliges but is deeply resentful; you make him stop swinging but he refuses so you have to either turn a blind eye or end it; you become involved in it unwillingly to try to meet his needs as the expense of your own.

It’s a mammoth incompatibility as sexual fidelity v group sex and swinging is an either / or thing.

@FOJN this is my thought too. We live in the same town so that’s how I met him. It wasn’t through an app or forum but I’m not sure why he hasn’t chose to met someone on there with the same preferences as him

I'm poly (though not a swinger) but I make it clear on all my dating profiles. He was a dick not to tell you at the outset.

Stop it then. You're not comfortable with his behaviour or his interests. Don't let him pressure you into it. Just tell him it's not for you. Don't let him tell you he can live without it - it'll only last until he thinks you'll bend your boundaries.

LTB

he probably finds them challenging. With you he is hoping to play the expert role and talk you into anything, without boundaries

During sex he said think about if your friend was here too.

Oh, for a vom emoji 😬

You even have to ask?

just get rid.

He's grooming you, and he is fundamentally dishonest, he knows he wants an open situation but wasn't honest about it up front. Thought he would try and talk you around i.e grooming. Major red flag.

Grim. Not necessarily the polyamory thing, it's not my thing but I try not to judge what other consenting adults get up to 😅but it's how he's gone about it and the imposing his sexual will on you which is just a gross thing to do to another human being. You may have liked him OP but call it a day x

Tell him you’d not considered it before but now you can’t think of anything else, you’ve joined a couple of forums (and name them), and you probably won’t be available this weekend.

Then block.

He's introducing these ideas to you slowly, hoping that his charm & friendship will encourage you to lower your usual boundaries. Which from some of your posts it sounds as though you might be considering?

If you are looking for a committed long term relationship, this man isn't going to give you that. What he is offering you is masses of emotional upheaval with probably a tearful ending.

Dump him immediately,before he pulls you in any deeper.