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Original poster

Man I am seeing dropped a bit of a bombshell now I’m unsure what to do

392 replies

Polkadotdress1 · 16/06/2022 20:11

Hi

I have been seeing a man for about three months. At first it was just casual but we do get along well and have had some nice dates etc. I have developed feelings for him but I have not told him this.

I saw him the other day and he dropped a bit of a bombshell. Think interest in swinging, poly etc. Which he also on a forum for. This is not something I have any experience or interest in and I feel quite confused. I do really like him but I’m just not sure what to do. Any advice welcome

OP posts:
that1970shouse · 16/06/2022 21:08

He waited until you developed feelings for him (of course he will have been able to tell) then dropped this bombshell. Now he's trying to normalise it and make it seem like you're the weird one if you don't go along with it.

It's not for you. Your expectation of a serious relationship is monogamy. He is not for you. Throw him back.

Original poster
Polkadotdress1 · 16/06/2022 21:08

@HappypusSadpus he didn’t say what the site was called but told me about some post on there and that he was commenting on it and engaging with this couple about something!

He is divorced. I feel like everything has turned upside down really quickly! He should have been honest and told me straight away, not 3 months later but I’m glad I haven’t invested even longer than this before finding out. I need to think of a text to send

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 16/06/2022 21:09

He’s really not a nice person, waiting 3 months to tell you about this and it’s dishonest.

You deserve better.

Original poster
Polkadotdress1 · 16/06/2022 21:10

Also he told me about being poly when I asked him if he was seeing anybody else but the swingers forum thing he casually dropped into conversation whilst we were sat on the sofa!

OP posts:
doomoon · 16/06/2022 21:11

OP, there are a million nice men in the world with whom you would be compatible, and who aren't into threesomes/whatever. It's only three months. Bin him.

LoisLane66 · 16/06/2022 21:12

Wow!! So you've already had sex but without knowing much about him. If he's into all that I'd be getting myself to an STD clinic pronto, whether you used condoms or not.
Not the kind of man I'd ever have had a relationship with but hey-ho, there's no accounting for taste.

FOJN · 16/06/2022 21:16

I need to think of a text to send

"Hi dishonest fucker, we're not compatible, I don't want to continue seeing you. Don't contact me again.Bye."

This man deserves as much consideration as he's shown you. Keep it short, straight to the point. Do not feel the need to soften the blow to make him feel better it will only make him think you can still be persuaded.

Send the text and block on everything.

oznia · 16/06/2022 21:18

End it.
Get a STD check

Sswhinesthebest · 16/06/2022 21:18

Don’t do something you are uncomfortable with. Make sure you mention that you are a bit pissed off that he didn’t tell you this earlier on!

LoisLane66 · 16/06/2022 21:19

I'd send him a text saying that you're not happy that he didn't tell you about his activities' at the start and it's changed your mind about seeing him again.
You could add (but probably won't 😂) that you don't date pond life

Sswhinesthebest · 16/06/2022 21:19

Or a lot pissed off

Etinoxaurus · 16/06/2022 21:20

Polkadotdress1 · 16/06/2022 20:34

My boundaries are not great and I have tendencies to do things I’m not always comfortable with or interested in just to please other people!

Flipping hell.
RUN A MILE

ElenaSt · 16/06/2022 21:20

My text would be.

I wish you had not waited three months to tell me that you enjoy a sordid lifestyle. Please do not contact me again.

cosenza · 16/06/2022 21:21

OP, god knows why you're hesitating here. He's grooming you and not even being subtle. Next thing he'll be booking an escort to come and join you - 'oh, you choose her... it's up to you..., " He's full of shite basically and a waste of time. Three months is nothing in the scheme of things . Tell him to swing off to the far side of f**k. This is not your problem.

WisherWood · 16/06/2022 21:21

How nice of him to nor bring it up for three months. I’d cut my losses and move on and tell him why. Might save someone else three months of their life.

No, next time he'll just wait six months, to make sure he really reels them in. It wasn't an accident. He thought he'd wait until the OP was developing feelings as it makes him harder to dump. And yes, I know she didn't tell him about her feelings, but he'll have guessed.

Just dump him OP. No good will come of this. It really is a compromise too far.

Lickerz · 16/06/2022 21:21

Gingernaut · 16/06/2022 20:27

Run

You're being groomed for abuse

Run. Run a mile. Block him on all platforms

This. He's testing your boundaries. Run

Reginaldina · 16/06/2022 21:21

Move on, he's chancing his arm that you're into swinging etc., and you're not.

InChocolateWeTrust · 16/06/2022 21:21

Run.as fast as you can, in the opposite direction, unless that shit is 100% what you are into (methinks not).

Toughtimesagain · 16/06/2022 21:21

I really hate the phrase ‘the ick’ but as someone very much not into swinging, I think this would kill the romance for me. Listen to your gut here.

balalake · 16/06/2022 21:22

Glad to read you are ending the relationship. Good luck finding someone who is not sordid.

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/06/2022 21:23

Just say, “Hi ‘dishonest slimeball’, after our chat last week I’ve been thinking and I’ve decided I don’t want to pursue this relationship any further. Monogamy is important to me. Take care.”

What a sordid lying grooming pos he is.

FinallyHere · 16/06/2022 21:24

We get on so well and have lots in common so everything else is fine

Could it be explained by love bombing. Think about whether he might just be reflecting back to you rather than having these interests.

I would not be interested in polyamory

CuntAmongstThePigeons · 16/06/2022 21:27

This has red flags all over it OP. He's definitely grooming you, otherwise he would have told you when you first began seeing one another. Also I would book an appointment at the gum clinic if I were you. Better to be safe than sorry.

Oceanus · 16/06/2022 21:28

Holy moly OP! Bloody heck! To each their own, but if it's not your thing put a stop to it and the sooner the better.

Terfydactyl · 16/06/2022 21:28

During sex he said think about if your friend was here too
Eeeeew, I like my friends why the fuck would I want them involved in my sex life.
Sleazy or what.

Anyway if your not Into it, it cant be faked or not for long anyway.
What about STDs?

Sounds like grooming because it is grooming.
Will you please sort yourself out for a freedom programme. Help yourself to see grooming, give yourself boundaries, learn how to spot the large, waving madly red flags that surround this man.