DP making me look bad infront of his kids

[Louisana6]

DP lives with me. He has his children for tea today. Not an overnight contact just tea.

I asked him to consider taking them out for their tea today as opposed to coming here. I'm on my period and having an endo flare up so I'm feeling very rough. Changing pads every 45 minutes due to flooding and very conscious of it.

It's a small living room and everybody piles on top of each other as there isn't a garden. I'm just not up to entertaining boisterous kids today.

He agreed. I suggested a picnic and kick about in the park if they fancied that. He collects them from school and returns here to get the sandwiches etc.

They arrive and eldest is as red as a beetroot so clearly suffering in the hot weather. I haven't been outside so didn't realise how hot it was. I say to DP "don't worry about taking them out, it's obviously alot hotter than I thought and he's suffering. Have tea here"

He replies within earshot of them "well you made it clear we couldn't sit in here"

What a way to alienate me and make me look like the stereotypical wicked step mother.

He was being unreasonable saying that infront of them wasn't he?

Well it's true isn't it. You didn't want them there and he obliged because it is your place. I think it was mean of you to ask them to be out, it is roasting out today.

I think he was unreasonable to say it in front of them but you were unreasonable to ask him not to bring his children to your house. It should be their home too.

Op didn't realise it was so hot though did she!

Yeah he was being unreasonable

Was it necessary to say that infront of the children though? It doesn't make for a nice picture of me does it. Children aren't privy to women's issues so would automatically take that as me not wanting them around which isn't usually the case.

Yes I wanted the place to myself today but soon backtracked when I realised how hot it was. He didn't need to do that.

He snapped. But it is true what he's saying.

Even bio parents want their own children out of the house sometimes 😂

I'm dyslexic. Sod off.

It's his house too. It is what you said.

It's either his house too or it isn't.

Not when they don't live with them

And there's pedants Corner for insufferable twats

When do the kids stay over? Does he not have his own place? I’d consider if it’s going to work long term if I’m honest - a parent should have their own home to offer their child a safe and secure place to have contact, not ‘maybe you can come to my girlfriend’s place or if not we’ll just eat sandwiches in the park.’

Not when they aren't with them the majority of the time and have limited contact, no they don't

Sentences should end with a full stop. Also, your sentence doesn’t really make sense. They are both phrases comprised of two separate words. Your phrasing makes it sound as though you agree that ‘a lot’ is one word and ‘in front’ is another.

I think op is wrong in this situation but coming on a thread to pick apart someone’s incorrect spag just makes you look stupid, especially when your own spag isn’t perfect. I think a lot of people fancy that it makes them look super clever but it’s the exact opposite.

He was being a twat and doing petty point scoring.

In AIBU you could be the most reasonable person in the world and posters would find a reason to have a go at you

They routinely stay over here.

Am I not entitled to have some agency over my space for one afternoon?

My point was quite simply he should not have said that infront of them. I've made a real effort to always make them feel welcome and they didn't need to know that I wanted some time to myself today.

Surely parents should prioritise sparing their children's feelings over making a dig toward a partner within earshot..

As I stated in my OP, once I realised how hot it was outside I immediately said have tea here. There was no problem. He decided to make one.

How many times this week have they been after school for tea?

They came for tea on Monday and will be staying over on Saturday.

YANBU. You didn't know it was so hot out and changed your very reasonable request as soon as you realised.

I think that’s the problem though. You feel you’re entitled to ‘agency over your space’ but that means your partner isn’t able to provide a space for his kids. Nothing wrong with you wanting control over your own space, but in that case you can’t really cohabit with a parent of kids! I mean, what if they came to live with him? It’s not really a good situation, is it? That’s the issue I think. You see it as your space, and them as guests. I don’t think you can really think like that if you invite someone (and their kids) to live with you.

He replies within earshot of them "well you made it clear we couldn't sit in here

This is unnecessary and obviously designed to make everyone feel as awkward as possible. He seems very immature.

Yeah he sounds like a bit of a dickhead. Is he normally like that?
I wouldn’t be offended if someone feeling ill asked me to take my kid out for a bit.

And I mean, he sees them on a Monday and a Saturday, and on the Monday they’re not wanted in the house? It’s hardly as if you’re pushed out of the space, he’s seen his kids twice in a week, and one of those times was only to feed them a single meal.

And it's perfectly clear to me that you asked for a bit of space as you're not feeling well as opposed to being a wicked stepmother.

They’re four separate words, actually.