The older I get, the less responsibility I want, is this normal ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Does this seem normal to you ?
im mid 40s

I got a new job that has zero responsibility for other people but total responsibility for my own work load. I'm enjoying it.

I don't want to manage anyone. That was the only real option in my last job.

Otherwise I like being responsible for me and my children jointly with DH. but more than that I cannot be bothered.

I’m the opposite. DH and I decided to have a baby in our mid forties. We have two dogs and don’t find them restrictive at all, we have just tweaked our lifestyle so that they are pretty much always involved. DH has just taken on a promotion for a v responsible high profile role and after our baby is born, I’m looking at partnership at my firm. DH and I do plan on retiring at 60, but as far as responsibility goes, I’m all for embracing it!

48 and tired, going through menopause. Pretending to be really on it and enthusiastic at work but I feel like I am faking it. My career was everything to me until recently. Lockdown and age and a change of Manager have really killed my passion. Not sure if I will get it back, but can’t afford to scale back.

HA!! Yes - 45 and anything for a simple life. I just dropped out of a concert as it all became to complicated and I knew I’d be in bed very late and exhausted the next day. Just could t be bothered. Less responsibility and less stress. I have no interest in a big career anymore and not much interest in anyone else’s other than my children and husband’s.

I started feeling like this in my 40s, maybe even before then. I got divorced at 49 and shortly after met my soul mate (yes really) shortly after. My kids were all adults by then. We have had a lot of fun from the beginning, so that relieved the stress. I continued to climb in my career and I loved my job, especially managing staff. Despite that I struggled with a CBA feeling for all of the bureaucracy. At 55, I took early retirement without my full pension. I pottering in the garden, I have taken up dressmaking and do a bit of baking. DH (AKA soul mate) retired early before me. We have two small dogs and two Siamese cats. We love them dearly and we’re happy with the responsibility of them. I’m 63 now and have a mortgage until I’m 75, but so long as there is enough money to get by, there are more important things than money.

I want to come work for you. It sounds like actual heaven.
Currently have a boss like you sound. Leaves us to it, no breathing down your neck, has never done any kind of one to one or the like. Assumes we are competent and has our back if we fuck up. Every single person in our team has stated we wont leave unless she does and we are fiercely loyal.

We are an actual team. So many times I heard that in previous jobs, but never knew it could be real.
Sadly much as I cant bear the thought of leaving, I really do need to earn more money. And theres nothing the boss can do about that. She has tried though. Give her her due, she fought the battle and got us a pay rise. But it's just not enough for me. It is very possible that the company will go under soon so I'm hanging on for now, it'll be the push I need and a redundancy cushion that I can then use to find the right job rather than just any old job to bring in the money.

Sorry that turned into a opus

I absolutely get it op! I just want simple things, no drama, no pressured jobs just a nice chilled simple life.

My kids are 9 and 11 and I already dream about jetting off on cheap term time holidays when they're older (I absolutely love them to pieces, but you get what I mean)

I’ve never been particularly ambitious and whilst I’ve had a career and work full time, I’ve never been driven to impress or climb the ladder and now I’m late 40’s I definitely want less responsibility and stress in my life.

I’ve got 2 dses, now more or less grown and have a retired DH who does all the household stuff and cooking.

I would love to be scaling back at work but that isn’t going to be possible for the next few years unfortunately. I fell in to a management role and my job doesn’t feel like me. I have to be nice to people I don’t care a jot about because they are ‘important’ and I can’t hide behind being busy anymore because I am the manager so I’m out front. I hate it and the responsibility that goes with it, just feels wrong for me. A few years and I will leave, do bank or agency (nursing).

Oh that just about summed it up!

I'm 73 and mainly want to be left alone! I still work and I like it.No one can hassle me while I'm at work! I was widowed at 44 and enjoyed bringing up the 3 children.Love the grandchildren and do the sleepover a couple of times a month,but find it exhausting. I need a lot of time alone,and rest.I have a partner a couple of hours away,usually it suits me that way. The time we have together is great though !
I've got lots of hobbies,and pets who I adore.
I feel a bit selfish,but I think I've earned my me -time.
It's nice to see others admitting it too.

I always remember that particular line being trotted out in the Heathrow T5 opening problems, juniors had reported all the operational stuff to seniors and were ignored and told "bring me solutions". If a senior tried telling me that....eek!

Bangoland yes, I try not to do stuff like that if it means I will be tired. Also, I look at the ticket price and think, "how many hours of work can I avoid if I don't go to that". There are two people I will do that for - my sister and my bestie. Others have shown they're not worth it.

The march of tech is such a problem. I see a few posters here have mentioned the school admin side. My own life admin is more than enough. I have some of mum's to do too. If I had to do the school stuff, I'd go mad.

A poster on another thread mentioned having to log in to three different portals to pay for a school trip. My parents used to write a cheque. Much easier. I wish there was a way to reject tech and get things back to being less time consuming.

Tech can be good - I embrace online banking as I hate trudging to the nearest city (not town as there isn’t a branch) to do my banking. But sometimes it is infuriating and does it’s best to fuck things up. Sometime it’s really is a case of change for changes sake and not a good reason.

@Playplayaway i meant the video 😛new here so not quite sure what i’m doing…
It’s really refreshing to hear i am not alone… I’m 49 soon, I currently have two elderly parents ( one recently hospitalised with knee replacement, the other VERY doddery) am trying to hold down a job that’s bloody hard and now i have arthritis to contend with , a new thing since covid… oh my god the appointments🙈
I cannot be arsed with a lot of the nonesense of life any more.
Time to just take a step back and smell the roses.

Yes, absolutely! it's not about minimalizing or leading a simple life. It's that I've reached the point where I don't want to do someone's thinking, or deal with their crap. I've spent my entire life doing that, and enough! To paraphrase Dave Grohl, I no longer wish to be anyone's monkey wench.

I'll still go the extra mile for DH and the DC because it's reciprocal. Everyone else can fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Same. And looking at all the other responses, I would say that we've all bitten off more than we can chew in this society and modern life, and now we're trying to reverse that.

Our employers have got used to treating us like minions in a treadmill. Our kids have expectations that we are there for them.

And society never dropped the expectation that we are still 1950s SAHM who are desperate to find voluntary activities to fill our time - like PTA and village participation.

We've become squeezed between it all and this is our fightback. We're mentally going on strike for our own survival.

Agree with this. Modern society is messed up.

I am glad it's not just me, I'm 39 and happy to coast at work. I have little oversight and can show results without working too hard, I have intense bursts of effort then do nothing while work from home. I just can't be bothered any more, used to want to be high flying and now I think about how to wind down. I know I'm too young but I just can't make myself care. I am happy pottering at home, being around for my DC. Also resisting pets even though dc desperate for one

In my case- when I was born!

What is the context of the ‘wanting less responsibility’? Is it at work or home?
I’d happily have less responsibility but my OCD hates the way everyone doesn’t do things correctly so I’m stuffed 😂😂😂😂

I’m the same. 45, work part time and definitely don’t want to go up the career ladder. In fact looking for a career change. I’m a teacher and most people my age who qualified in their early 20s would be middle or senior leaders now. I did that in my 30s and then went part time when I had my family. I see the stress that middle and senior managers are under and I don’t want any of it. And I would need to go back to full time to even achieve that. I do not want to teach full time ever again. I’m one of the most expensive non management staff though and I’ve seen in other schools people like me get pushed out (usually full timers though). I’m over qualified and under experienced for a lot of jobs I’ve applied for that would be less responsibility and even less money. I like my days off when my children are at school. As a single parent these are my rest times. There is an element of pressure from family though who have expectations of me climbing the career ladder. I know a lot of supply teachers too have who chosen supply as their career choice and get comments about when are they going to get a proper job. Lots don’t want a full time or even part time contracted job that comes with the stress and responsibilities and they like being able to pick and choose when to work - just a shame the pay for that is not great.

I think the shift in mentality is not actually wanting "less" or "no" responsibility.

I feel what everyone is discussing is very, very real and the grandest phase of the mind's evolution. As individual souls, we desire the creation of greater internal peace & happiness and focus less on trying to influence external peace.

Craving responsibility is a primal urge we all possess. This "usefulness" enables us to maintain the will to live. Without it, there is no purpose to any of life's struggles.

The newfound desire for many to lessen/eliminate responsibility comes from living life with purpose (aka responsibility).

The conscious decision of how we need this "purpose" to morph for enhancement our internal peace and happiness could be labeled "internal evolution".

It is only natural that the morphing phase always involves re-evaluation of priorities...and it is only natural that, as we come closer to shaking hands with our individual mortality, that this re-evaluation comes with a more defined, self-serving motivation.

Basically, I feel none of us want less responsibility; we simply desire the responsibility to shift from serving others to serving ourselves!

I’m the same, especially at work. I’m happy at my level and don’t want to move up the ladder.

I always think that ‘progression’ is only ‘progress’ if you actually actively want it. It’s not something to do just because it’s there and other people are doing it.

In the same way I could in theory ‘progress’ from having two children to having three. But just because I can doesn’t mean I should. And do the same goes for progression at work.

Place marking this interesting thread.

It’s not normal. The older I’m getting the more I enjoy and see the benefits of responsibility

This is so interesting and has really made me think, especially what @Criket86 said and @Grrrrdarling question about the context of responsibility.

For me , it's an emotional thing , coupled with worry . I don't want to get emotionally involved with anything or anyone (apart from those already in my life ) because then I care and when I care, I worry .