The older I get, the less responsibility I want, is this normal ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Does this seem normal to you ?
im mid 40s

Yes!

I recently went away for work (as I've done hundreds of times) but the feeling of being free, young, not making tea for anyone or tidying up...it was sort of intoxicating and I've struggled since I got back to be honest.

Coming back to the fucking middle aged drudgery was quite the mood killer. I'm generally pissed off since tbh.

For me this doesn’t extend to pets and children - I love both of those. But I’ve never been one for the rat race, fast paced, highly competitive lifestyle. I prefer a quiet, simple life of peace and meaning.

Agree! I think it’s partly to do with, as you age, you realise that the small things that happen generally really don’t matter and aren’t worth worrying over. Your life experience proves that very little can’t be rectified/ ignored or lived with. I’ve realised very few jobs actually make a positive impact on peoples lives beyond earning the individual money.

Yes . I just want to enjoy what's left of my life and I have definitely got more selfish and less of a people pleaser . No time for CFs and don't engage with people I can't stand any more than I have to .

Google the serenity prayer

I find this post so refreshing! I am 40, just read a thread about school class rep (which I have done half heartedly for one child this year and feeling the pressure from the current class rep for the other child for next year - I definitely won’t be doing it….!!). Have been decluttering a lot. Just about to finish a masters and take on some building work but other than that everyone can sort themselves out!! Going to try and embrace the simple life.

Brilliant

This extends to my job for me too. I work, but I don't work in a rat-race type job and I was never particularly fussed about promotions.

Perfectly normal, same for me, though now slightly older.

Yes. In my mid 50s I gave up my management position to 'just' be a class teacher again. And then re-discovered that I actually loved teaching.

I've always, always had pets. Or at least a cat. But when my last one died two years ago, I realised that the freedom from being responsible for a living thing, was actually really nice, and meant I could be more spontaneous (I love travel, but sorting out a cat sitter meant that I had to plan ahead, even for a weekend away). So now I don't have a cat.

I'm desperate to declutter, as my possessions (and those remaining in my house that were my late husband's and my adult daughters') feel like a burden. Sadly I've also got lazier so still haven''t made an impact on anything.

I could go on. But basically yes. I started feeling this way 10 years ago, and I'm continuing to shed responsibilities.

This really resonates with me.

emotional effort never seems to bring any fulfilment...or it's rare.

since losing friends, I've gone through a painful process of really missing them, being very lonely...and then coming out the other side thinking "ah, but I don't have to make an emotional effort any more".

It often seems the things that bring the most joy are entirely random.

@saraclara I’ve seen the book “Swedish Death Cleaning” recommended on here. I’ve only started decluttering now as I plan for it to be a 5 year process, completion coinciding with our downsize. A little bit at a time.

Plus I look around my parents house and despair at the crap they’ve kept and the fact that it’ll be my responsibility (yet more responsibility ) to sort all their shit out when they are no longer here.

Yes, I've felt this way since my DD graduated from school which was about 8 years ago. Once I was done with parenting I felt done with everything else too lol

I don't do the self care stuff anymore. I don't care about my clothes as I WFH and don't have much of a social life as I've basically faded away from most of my friends. I've gotten so laid back about my "career" which basically has ever failed to launch, and I just don't care about being concerned about promotions, etc. I do the bare minimum around the house although there's a LOT I need to take care of.

I hear ya loud and clear! Seems I'm older than most posters on this thread thus far (I turn 60 soon) and I think I've only felt this way since Covid and lockdowns etc. I'm ready to make changes and simplify life, and my husband is right on board with it too.

Absolutely agree! Chose not to have children, we are late 40’s enjoying life with our dog.

I was a massive people pleaser and always worried if I accidentally didn’t acknowledge someone in the street or at a function, I would lose sleep over it. Now, in my 40s, I don’t give a damn.

Yes. There is a theory that the first half of life is all about getting things - job, house, family, career, etc.

Mid-life hits and suddenly ... we want rid of it all, or just realise that the things we set our hearts/minds on dont necessarily bring the joy we expected. People can go inward and start to reassess.

Just as my work is starting to actually get somewhere, I'm looking at it and thinking ... can I actually be arsed?

This book is probably a bit loftier than 'can I be arsed', but may be relevant:

www.goodreads.com/book/show/9963483-falling-upward

Yes, this is just starting to hit and it's biting me on the arse as I took a full on job with lots of training a couple of years ago. One of the kids is a young adult, the other is a teenager. I like that they are more independent but my DH is still making the young adult sandwiches for work. I can't be arsed. My eldest is an adult and has more spare time than me.
I have a lateral move coming up in a few months which should ease the pain.
I have the "fuckits " so badly.

Oh, apparently it's a whole Jungian thing:

'The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.'

100% me! I'm trying to move jobs and step down

In my 50s, just want a simpler life, less work and less responsibilities. I have told my boss that my next “career progression” is a part time job.

I hear you, but I'm late 50s.
This correlated with menopause for me - although I suppose that also correlated with the dc becoming more independent.

I started feeling like this a whole back, I'm 47 now. I used to take a lot of satisfaction in my job being 'hardcore' until I realized that everyone else goes home and doesn't shoulder the risk, and I started feeling like a muggins.

I changed jobs and moved to the country, and now I finish at 3.30pm on 3 days a week and have a flat I almost own. I had a cat but he was killed recently and while I am extremely sad about that, I can recognize that he was work and now I dont have to do it.

Anyone remember the words on here 'I just want to sit and stare.'

I'm in my late 40s and feel the same. I used to have a good job, but was always stressed and anxious. Then I had my DS and stayed at home with him, which I loved. When he went to school I got a part time job in a similar field as I worked in before but with much less responsibility. Life is better now, I have time to read and do other things I love. I have started to declutter my home and love the idea of a simpler life. I don't have any expensive hobbies or tastes. As long as we have enough to get by, I'm happy.

Yes started around 40ish. It's Bly work part time in a fairly stress free job and love it!