The older I get, the less responsibility I want, is this normal ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Does this seem normal to you ?
im mid 40s

Yes I started feeling like this in late 20s!

No, quite the opposite. Career progression has always been important to me. And I enjoy what I do, most days. Occasionally it gets a tad "stressful".

I think there are many factors , covid made a lot of people over a certain age discover that they actually liked pottering around and being able to let go of feeling they had to accept all invitations and meet ups-

Work too has changed, A lot of office based jobs have become less social and more targets and sales and short term thinking, even things like teaching are more about inspections and box ticking and targets than they ever were-

Whilst this kind of environment might appeal if you are a potential Apprentice candidate, it doesn't suit lots of over 35s - if its really high earning then you often put up with it

Reading this thread and hoping desperately that somebody had "the answer"!

I'm 41 and have been feeling like this for a while now. Every day I think, what is the fucking point. Go to work and work for 10/11 hours doing tasks that just make someone else richer. Weekend is gone in a flash. I can't be arsed engaging in small talk about who had what for tea last night and pretending to be interested. I feel like i've used up my lifetime supply of empathy and I can't be arsed even listening to people wang on about their trivial problems. Without money though you can't change anything and have to keep living this miserable life until you die. This is why I don't understand people who have multiple children knowingly condemning them to this existence

Because not everyone has that existence? I have 3dc, I share your opinions on a lot of work being pointless and small talk being excruciating and mind numbing.

so I’m a SAHM-slash-artist who lives semi rurally and spends my time home educating the dc, growing veg, painting, and following my passions. I bring my kids up to be different to those who just sit around watching TOWIE and talking nonsense. The world is quite beautiful if you’re able to step off the wheel.

This is me, too. I resigned from my head of department role last week (at 42) and said they can have me two days a week in a role with less responsibility, or nothing. No kids and the mortgage is nearly paid off, and after some recent young deaths of friends, I thought sod it. I have lots of other things I'd like to spend my time on.

A lot of us would love to 'step off the wheel' but can't afford to be a SAHM. I don't think it's a lack of wanting to try it that's the issue. The issue is most of us need two wages in order to live.

Yeah I agree it’s not easy for most people to do, and I have a huge issue with society pretty much demanding two incomes to live. It’s exploitative as hell imo.

I agree @ForestFae I'd love to spend more time with my one child (because we couldn't have afforded a nice life for two with 2x nursery fees) but simply cannot give up my job, or even go part time really! It's shit.

I would desperately love to "step off the wheel" and potter about gardening! It isn't possible for the vast majority of us though, despite everyone on MN earning four squillion quid a month.

55 but I wish it had happened earlier. Managed to demit my Head role this year and felt so happy about that.

100% agree. I'm 52, DH is 49, and we both feel this. Can't wait to retire in 5 years time. We've started playing the lottery more and more, in the hope we can jack in our jobs before then. Children are grown up and live independently. Never used to be in to gardening, and still not really, however, it makes me really happy to water the flowers in the morning. We didn't get another dog when she died, because I can't imagine committing to what could be another 15 years of care for a living thing. We want to travel, without any ties.

@TakemedowntoPotatoCity you're not alone, I could have written your post!

I sometimes look back and wonder how I did it? Single mum to two kids, out the house by 6.30am and now I can barely get them to school on time.

I'm not even sure it's all laziness either, more a case of just realising how pointless it all is. How fed up I am. How I'm doing this but really I want to be living out in the woods somewhere breathing fresh air instead of exhaust fumes (that probably have an MOT due or a car insurance renewal I'll have to phone up and wait for hours to cancel) and raising chickens instead of filling out the fifth form this week to say DD can have her fucking photos taken and no I haven't changed my phone number, you called me this week. And here are some more pointless pieces of paper about the fact they can't find any teachers and the trainers for next year cannot have a millimetre of white on them and you need to choose the individual school dinners your children will eat in 4 weeks time.

Fuck my life honestly

I had my first at 17 and everyone warns you how hard a baby is but I found that easy. That's a pretty simple responsibility IMO - you just need to feed them and keep them alive. What's hard (and what I hadn't actually considered) is how 15 years later the responsibilities are all the more draining because half of them are bullshit foisted on us by societal expectations.

The worst thing is I have my own business so could probably have this simple life in a relatively short period of time if I just regained all the hunger I had in my 20s career-climbing that I seem to have lost. Keep telling myself I just need to find the will... then I look at the pile of shit I need to do just to be an adult in 2022 and end up on Mumsnet.....

It's certainly been my normal. It hit me when I was about 55. After a lifetime of being responsible for myself, my career and my kids I think I had had enough. I took early retirement and love just pottering about. I run our home and do the life admin for me and DH and that's enough for me.

Last year my mum suddenly became very frail and vague and I was suddenly responsible for her. Paying her bills, taking care of her medical appointments and prescriptions, selling her house, clearing 70 years of hoarding and clutter. It nearly broke me. Thankfully she is now permanently settled in a very nice care home and although I still have POA the care home have relieved me of a lot of the burden. I am so grateful for them.

Same here. Have a long term p time job which is usually non-stressful (bar the odd colleague). Have a child with SEN (dealing with all the admin and failing systems and bullsh8#t can be a stressful and time consuming unpaid p time PA job) and a cat. Who is no stressful, though she doesn't much like visits to vet.

I have too much stuff even though I do try to declutter, but spend very little on the maintenance of hair/nails etc.

I used to care about my house, now I need to redecorate a room and buy new furniture. I’d have loved that, years ago. Now I can’t be bothered to look!

I just want experiences with people I care about. Material things aren’t nearly as important. Am really not looking forward to GC, but am hoping that I’ll want to be involved when the time comes, hopefully in quite a few years time. For now I just want to chill and do exciting new things. Kids at uni, are hampering that a bit though. They are a bit pricey!

Me too. Early 50’s, don’t have the bandwidth either. My circle of responsibilities is now limited to DH and DC and in a way I’m glad that as I get older and DC become independent, I can do what I like, health permitting.

I enjoy my job. The pay is shoddy, but it’s a go in, do it, leave and no post workday dramas. I sometimes think I should step up the career but it gives me lots of freedom to get on with my life outside.

It took me until I was retired to realise that I spent too much or my time at work in a responsible job. If I could go back now I would not have tried so hard at work to get on. My father used to say nobody ever said on their death bed "I wish I had spent more time at work" All the missed school sports days and Christmas plays because I was in a meeting or had to travel to another site. My friend who was a real high flyer and spent most of her time building up her career has just died, she was only 47. She found out she had cancer on the Friday and was dead by the following Wednesday. It sort of puts life into perspective.

What about you @LovelyYellowLabrador ?

Was there something in particular that set you off thinking about this?

I'm amping up in terms of responsibility at work in my 40s, but thats because I've worked out that most jobs come with stress, but the 'less responsibility' jobs pay peanuts and you get bossed around by people who know less than you. I'd rather be the boss and get paid well and take the added responsibility. It equates to less stress for me.

I think the thing I have less of as a middle aged woman is patience for bullshit.

That’s why at nearly 50 I am a cleaner. Love it, zero responsibility and zero hassle from the public. People look down on you but I don’t care.

YANBU. I’m nearly 42 and a teacher at the top of the main pay scale so my increments stop this year. I’ve been approached to apply to join SLT as the upper KS2 phase lead and I’m dithering over whether or not to apply because I just can’t imagine dealing with all the extra responsibility. I like my life right now. I have a great work/life balance, which seems rare for a teacher, and although the extra money would be nice, I don’t think it’s worth it when you offset this against the extra hours, pressure, less time with my kids and DH. I want to slow down, not speed up.

I'm the same mid to late 30s. I just want it simple. I've quit social media as it was frazzling my brain. I just want some peace.

Yes. I’m 51, work in school and have no desire to be head of department.I have done that in the past, but now I’d find it stressful.

YANBU
I'm now in my late 50s and becoming fed up with doing everyone's thinking for them🙄. At work, unless it's my LM, I throw the question back and ask ' so what would you do?', followed by 'bring me solutions, not problems' except for the most junior staff of course. As a strategy that seems to be working.😎