The older I get, the less responsibility I want, is this normal ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Does this seem normal to you ?
im mid 40s

I'm 64, self employed part time, will not take on anything I don't want to do, will not take on responsibility for anything much, apart from my beloved dog. I have a needy alcoholic adult son aged 42, and I will not parent him any more either.

I've been feeling like this since I was 30 lol

I definitely have found that around menopause I wanted things simple, no drama.

I've always been into simple living and a no stress lifestyle.
Kids did their absolute best to ruin that whole ethos. But now they've grown up and moved out I'm back to simple and virtually no stress.
I do have pets and I too wont replace them. Your so tied down by having to plan their care.
Slowly I've changed my clothes shopping , from primark out of need for cheap clothes, to fewer but much much better quality.
I've never wanted a career and never had one. I'm happy being solitary and my jobs history reflects that.
I just want to limp on to retirement and have done.

Same here really relate to your post reply EmmaH2022. i'm late 40s. Not married (but in LT relationship) No kids. Had a load of rescue cats but now they have all died I've currently lost interest in any more. Had a string of heavy media/police jobs. Gave it up for self employed business as could not be bothered with corporate bullshit anymore and could not be happier with that. I do have the responsibility of another home I own I live between outside of UK but apart from that I am over organising things for clubs, friends, etc. I have elderly mother still, father died a long time ago, no siblings. I want the freedom and not be tied to any bullshit. Partner and I are planning to do a bunk to Oz when he takes early retirement. I totally get your post OP.

The corporate bullshit is such a pity
I would much rather have the security of sick pay etc but they make it intolerable
Every so often I think about trying again, for £ reasons, but there's so much of it and the emotional toll is so high.

I can totally relate OP. Since retirement age has moved up to 70, I have hit my mid 40's and I am over managing people. Definitely noticed an increasing lack of empathy and could not imagine large team management for another 20+ years.

Also where I was more focused on my career, it is now all about job satisfaction and finding my perfect work-life balance. I have moved to part time hours in a hybrid role and I am loving my extra free time.

I have no dreams of promotion, maybe the next role up at some point but just taking it all in my stride.

I used look at tv programmes about older women living a simple life alone in a small cottage.

used think how awful, the poor things. Now it’s more mmm interesting.

Started feeling like this from my late 40's, I'm 56 now. My 3 kids left home years ago and I have young grandchildren, one of which has autism and ADHD and is lovely but incredibly challenging..
I care for my elderly ailing mother with terminal cancer and I was recently diagnosed with cancer myself. I have 2 very old dogs which I can't leave with anyone so no holiday for the past 5 years.

I work full time in a health care related job and I do what I'm contracted to do but no more. Tried management once and hated it. I can barely manage myself let alone a team.

Once upon a time I'd often work late into my own time, volunteer for all sorts of committees, steering groups, fundraiser...not a bloody chance now - It's got me nowhere.

I downsized 8 years ago to a bungalow from a much larger house, mortgage free and loving it.

Not enough in the pension pot to consider retirement but may Inherit a nice sum when mum goes and I'll be buggering off an a round the world cruise and won't feel in the least bit guilty.

Yup. 50 this year and gave up working. Started growing herbs and veg.

Yes!! I’m 42 and just CBA any more. I think it’s partly age, and partly having all the home mental load, child with SN etc… I just don’t have capacity for work stress or “leaning in”.

I think it’s also realising that at this stage of my life I’m unlikely to reach the glittering heights career wise (and actually the heights look less attractive than they used to be anyway) so what’s the point in putting in huge effort.

I’m definitely leaning out. Way out.

Was thinking this today

was thinking that whilst I’m free to move jobs etc, because I’m in a relatively senior position I would probably need to have that same level of responsibility in any other job

also running household and family is just exhausting isn’t it - it’s the feeling that we owe others every part of ourselves

Can I ask if you left or were made redundant? I'm late 40s in a high pressure job I hate and want to leave for less stress, but we still have 12 years of mortgage left, so I'm nervous.

Wow interesting replies
suprised to see 100percent in agreement !

Redundant, but the company had spent some time prior to that unsuccessfully trying to manage me out, hence the stress. We also have about 10 years left on the mortgage but we’re fairly fortunate in that we have some decent savings and DH still has a good job. He also reduced his working week to four days.

I totally acknowledge that we’re in a lucky position though.

I'm 36, I don't have a much responsibility in my job as it is. I work part time hours over 5 days I would like to condense my hours over fewer days so that I can potter in my house, run errands childfree, help my mum a few days a week and be in less of a rush with my own children. I'm a classroom assistant and people always ask why am I not going into teaching, just the thought of that responsibility makes me feel stress. 3 days a week in a low key job would be my ideal.

I wholeheartedly agree, I’m early 40s and my mental health has taken a bit of a dip of late. Before Covid I was always thinking of ways to increase business etc (self employed)
but now I just can’t be bothered with it all.
As long as I can potter in my garden, go walking and meet with friends I’m happy.

Your preaching to the converted here, OP. 5 years ago I moved from a high stress job in London to a more junior one where I could wfh most the time - and moved to a village in the midlands.

My salary more than halved in the process and I'll never be able to spend money like I did BUT I sleep well almost every night. I sometimes miss the office environment and the perks of a senior role (business class and skymiles galore) but I never miss the stress.

I'm now 42 and instead of thinking how to advance my career, I am instead thinking how to mould it into something that allows me to turn it down even more as I grow older!

It seems normal to me OP but not to the majority, it seems to me. They get their kids off their hands, have freedom and promptly get a dog to tie them down all over again!

Not quite the same, but along the same lines - my friend whose youngest daughter is about to leave school, and she has just changed jobs to work in a school so is tied to school holidays for holidays all over again!

I like an easy life with as little responsibility as possible!

Completely agree with earning as much as you can for as little effort as you can to fund your leisure time.

I took on a part time role in a completely new field a few years back precisely because it was a nice simple job that I did for a few hours and then went home and didn’t think about it again until the next time I went to work.

It was bliss - but now I’m being given new things to do and extra responsibilities and more hours and I’m all conflicted because the small company I work for need me to step up but I really can’t be arsed with a stressy job.

All those outraged young parents who can’t understand why their parents or in laws aren’t that interested in their tiny offspring need to read this thread!

Same. My boss has just taken on an assistant who will be a bit senior to me and DH is in a state of high dudgeon on my behalf that I wasn't asked but I love my job as it is and the last of my ambition vanished about a decade ago.

It's just happened to meet at 52. I was looking to climb the career ladder and reach director roles. Now I'm looking to get back down the ladder and have a straightforward easy job which means I can enjoy life and feel free. Kids have left home and I'm enjoying having easy dinners and not mass catering.
I feel a bit of a let down and that I've never quite got there career wise but I really can't be arsed anymore and being menopausal has affected my ability to think quickly.
I'm planning to leave my current role next year and get an easier job.

I hate responsibility. I just like plodding my own path. If I am responsible for something I do own it and step up otherwise it wouldn’t be fair. I’m not lazy and finish anything I start and always do a job well but I feel tethered by responsibility. It makes me feel trapped and suffocated. I’ve always been like this.

This is a great post. I thought I had just given in to my natural laziness! Lost my job through covid and after a temporary covid related role ended in May I have no enthusiasm for the commitment of another 'proper' job.