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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to drive my friends car

308 replies

Sundaycoffee · 15/06/2022 11:46

I am going on holiday next week with friends (within the UK).
The holiday is booked and paid for and we were going to use my friends car to do the 4 hour drive.
I am the only other driver in the party of 4 and now it has been sprung upon me that the drive needs to be split between me and my friend.
I drive a small car and hers is bigger so it's not an option to use mine and generally I am quite nervous in cars I am not familiar with, especially for such a long drive.
I would honestly rather drive the full way in my own car but it is not big enough for us all to fit in.
I have mentioned that I really don't feel comfortable driving the car. There will also be two other people plus a dog in the car.
We did a trip earlier this year year and I drove us there and back (albeit a shorter 2 hour journey each way) so it's not like I haven't done my share before.

Since I've mentioned it my other friend attending (non driver!) She has told me I'm being unreasonable and it's not fair to expect me not to split the drive and its caused a bit of awkwardness.

I just wish this had been discussed before booking and now I feel a little trapped into doing something I don't feel comfortable doing.

AIBU?

OP posts:

CannaeRemember · 15/06/2022 11:49

I understand how you feel as I have a small car and don't especially like driving my DH's bigger car. Particularly his previous one, which had a different kind/position of accelerator. But it's really down to familiarity. Could you do some short practice drives in your friend's car? Might take away some of the stress.

eleanoreleanoreleanor · 15/06/2022 11:50

I'd be nervous too. Would you even be insured? Could be a good way of getting out of it!

DisplayPurposesOnly · 15/06/2022 11:51

Can you get familiar with the car beforehand?

I get that it's bigger (I have a small car myself) but if all you're doing is driving forwards then that's easy enough. I'd say no parking or complicated manoeuvres, possibly no narrow lanes.

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/06/2022 11:51

This should have been made clear and discussed before anything was booked. You need to speak to the other driver and tell them how they feel. Go from there. You might need to back out of the holiday.

The non driver can fuck off.

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/06/2022 11:51

tell them how you* feel

CounsellorTroi · 15/06/2022 11:53

Could you do some short practice drives in your friend's car? Might take away some of the stress.

I second this. Get really used to the feel of the car, make sure you can get the seat in the optimum driving position for you etc.

Hugasauras · 15/06/2022 11:54

The non-driver is a total CF! Imagine having the brass neck to say that when you're contributing zilch.

SolasAnla · 15/06/2022 11:55

Make sure that you are a named driver under her insurance.
Do pratice runs and drive at your own speed.

CapMarvel · 15/06/2022 11:55

YABU.

It doesn't take much to get used to a different car.

Wallywobbles · 15/06/2022 11:58

Id be immensely fucked off if I was being forced to be the only driver for the entire holiday. Sorry I think you are being selfish. It's a car. You are not being asked to drive a lorry or a double decker bus.

Nurseynoodles · 15/06/2022 11:59

See it as an opportunity to get comfortable driving a bigger car. Surely, the car driver will take over if you really hate it or she doesn’t like how you’re driving her car.

The non driver is being totally unreasonable though! What a cheek.

Hugasauras · 15/06/2022 12:00

Could you just take both cars? Obviously extra cost with petrol but then means there's more flexibility when you're there too.

Hugasauras · 15/06/2022 12:01

Wallywobbles · 15/06/2022 11:58

So what about the two non-drivers who are offering fuck all?

xogossipgirlxo · 15/06/2022 12:03

Why would you need another driver for 4 hours drive? If non-drivers are so smart, they can take over the driving duty for you 😂

Original poster

Sundaycoffee · 15/06/2022 12:03

Hugasauras · 15/06/2022 12:00

Could you just take both cars? Obviously extra cost with petrol but then means there's more flexibility when you're there too.

But that wouldn't help with the splitting of the drive which is the point of her asking me

OP posts:

eleanoreleanoreleanor · 15/06/2022 12:05

Is her car manual or automatic? Is yours different? Can you use that as a reason to not do it?

Willdoitlater · 15/06/2022 12:06

Well, your non-driving friend is BU. She isn't doing it and hasn't got a clue how different it might feel driving a big car, fully loaded, to your small one, so ignore her. Responsible driving includes not driving when you feel the circumstances aren't safe. Well done for thinking about this.

Ideas: could you have a practice in the car beforehand? A big car might not be any harder especially on the motorway.

Could you offer to buy everyone a lovely lunch at a venue you research/book so the driver gets a good long break?

Personally I don’t think 4 hours is too long for one person to drive anyway, with appropriate breaks. I used to do it twice a week. And you did the last trip you all did together so YANBU. If you do agree to drive, make absolutely sure either your or her insurance will fully cover you.

RandomQuest · 15/06/2022 12:07

For starters, the non driver doesn’t get to have an opinion on driving so ignore them.

I see this from both sides, it’s understandable that your friend wants to split the drive, it’s also understandable that you’re nervous about the car. Friend with the big car is definitely in the wrong for not bringing this up when plans were being made though. Could you compromise and offer to drive a motorway leg (if that’s an option) just to give your friend a break?

Candleabra · 15/06/2022 12:07

So when you booked did the other driver agree to take their car and do all the driving? Or has that changed?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 15/06/2022 12:07

Give her a choice. You can all go in your car and you'll do the driving or you can all go in her car and she'll do the driving.

Four hours is reasonably tiring, but it's not an exceptionally long drive and I assume that you'll be stopping off for a break and a walk around at least once.

Basilbrushgotfat · 15/06/2022 12:08

This is something that needs to be pre agreed not assumed.

You both need to check your insurance policies and check you'll be properly insured. If your insurance policy doesn't cover you, might be an easy get out clause.

If hers will add you to the car, then I'd be tempted to say she needs to pay for doing so because you didn't agree to this beforehand.

But it isn't unreasonable to want to share the drive, and for the sake of harmony I think you need to reach a compromise/suck it up but put your case that this should have been discussed and agreed with you first.

How78 · 15/06/2022 12:08

Tell them no you're not doing that because you're not comfortable with it and they should have said before that you'd need to drive half way and thats the end of it.

CF non driver friend can stop inserting their invalid opinion into the mix for a start.

Original poster

Sundaycoffee · 15/06/2022 12:09

Wallywobbles · 15/06/2022 11:58

To be honest it wouldn't bother me at all driving 4 hours (in my car) and assumed this would be the case with her as it wasn't until now that the drive will be split. Last time we went away I did the drive there and back, plus all the day trips while we were there and didn't ask anyone to help.
I just wish it was discussed prior so I could have made an informed decision about what I wanted to do

OP posts:

Hugasauras · 15/06/2022 12:09

@Sundaycoffee Yes but I don't think a four-hour drive actually needs to be split in the first place, so then it's just the driving while you're actually on holiday that can be shared.

Hugasauras · 15/06/2022 12:11

And it's definitely rude to assume I think. We have quite a big car and I know some of my friends would be uncomfortable driving it, so I wouldn't expect them to.

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