To not want to drive my friends car

[Sundaycoffee]

I am going on holiday next week with friends (within the UK).
The holiday is booked and paid for and we were going to use my friends car to do the 4 hour drive.
I am the only other driver in the party of 4 and now it has been sprung upon me that the drive needs to be split between me and my friend.
I drive a small car and hers is bigger so it's not an option to use mine and generally I am quite nervous in cars I am not familiar with, especially for such a long drive.
I would honestly rather drive the full way in my own car but it is not big enough for us all to fit in.
I have mentioned that I really don't feel comfortable driving the car. There will also be two other people plus a dog in the car.
We did a trip earlier this year year and I drove us there and back (albeit a shorter 2 hour journey each way) so it's not like I haven't done my share before.

Since I've mentioned it my other friend attending (non driver!) She has told me I'm being unreasonable and it's not fair to expect me not to split the drive and its caused a bit of awkwardness.

I just wish this had been discussed before booking and now I feel a little trapped into doing something I don't feel comfortable doing.

AIBU?

Totally this.

Two/three pedals, a gearstick (possibly) and a steering wheel. A few other controls that are usually in exactly the same place on every car. You get used to a car being a bit bigger by having basic spacial awareness.

If you can drive 1 car you can drive another.

That's a bit scary, honestly. What will you do if your driving needs change? Or you have to drive another car for some reason?

Why is that scary? Driving is an extra skill that I learned for my own private use- is it scary that non drivers can’t drive? If I can’t drive my own car, I’ll do what I used to do and get buses and trains. It would be different if I drove as part of my job but I don’t… you’re using so much hyperbole for what is a non issue and just a matter of personal preference.

If my driving needs change - whatever that means - then I would get myself used to a different car by driving it on my own at quiet times on the roads until I felt comfortable taking others.
I wouldn't pile it full of people, dogs and cases and go for it , probably with no insurance cover.

It's scary that you're driving and don't have good spatial awareness.

Driving needs = different car due to disability, pregnancy, and so on.

It's scary that you're driving and don't have good spatial awareness.

I have great spatial awareness in the car that I drive.

Not sure what point you’re attempting to make other than trying to force others to be comfortable with the same things you are. If someone is only comfortable driving their own car there’s nothing scary about that since they are only on the road in a car they are comfortable and competent in. If they are ever in a situation where they could no longer drive their car, they can just use the same alternatives available to non drivers, or otherwise take time to get comfortable with a new car (I.e extra lessons, or practicing on quiet roads for a period).

It's a bit nuts to only be able to drive ONE car. What if it breaks down? Will you stop driving forever? What if you need to rent a car on holiday?

Sorry, but that's bonkers!

Nope not bonkers. I would rent or buy another small car. Simple. I will never drive a big one and that is ok.

A big car feels much safer than a small one! When my daughter learns to drive, I would feel much safer if she were to drive an SUV-type car rather than a Fiat 500. A small car would come off much worst in case of an accident.

I drive a Toyota RAV4 and I specifically chose it because it feels robust and safe.

I think you need to try driving a big car. My mum used to be scared of driving big cars, but then my dad bought a family van-type of car and it ended up being her favourite car to drive. She still talks about how much she loved that car because it felt much safer.

worse off*

Apologies for the typos

My husband has always had a small cheap car for commuting to the station. We have had fiat 500 that was great fun to drive and occasionally if he was using my car (SUV type) I would have the Fiat. By god did I notice how much worse other drivers treated me on the road, constantly pulling out in front of me as assumed I was slow, not seeing me etc - it's like the smaller car you have the less respect other drivers have. I now don't like driving the smaller car as I feel so much more vulnerable in it concerning other road users.

Too much negativity on here!
Bottom line is OP isn’t comfortable driving a bigger car, and her friends are trying to bully her into doing what they want.
Why should OP be forced into something she’s not comfortable with?

The proposal that simply being "uncomfortable" with something is a reasonable get out clause is really lame and pretty negative itself. In general, people should consider going beyond their comfort zone in order to be, as much as they can, part of the solution rather than part of the burden.

This applies here to some extent, though the fact OP is being hassled by people who don't even drive does beg the question of how much they are doing to be part of the solution.

My original thought was that you'd get used to the car fairly quickly. Then I figured that your own feelings about the task were more likely to be accurate.
Why not agree to share the drive but only on motorways and freeways, where the size won't be such a problem, but insist your friend will need to do any country lane stuff and reverse-parking or other tricky manoeuvres?
As others have suggested, the non-driver should wind his/her/its neck in.

Ohhh fuck off. Calling someone lame for being afraid to drive in a car which they consider too big for them is not negative. It is fact. You want her to be a bag of nerves and be dangerous, she is a burden for feeling this way? What a crock of shit.

Agh I'm sorry but this is a bit of a fallacy. It's why there are so many wretched mainly diesel due to size SUVs everywhere in the UK.

Because it's down to what you just said - "I would feel much safer if she were to drive an SUV', and "I chose [the RAV-4] because it feels robust and safe".

Many supermini cars like Yaris, Aygo, i10 , Polo etc have tremendous NCAP safety ratings. They're good places to be in a crash - they're safe and with lots of driver aids, airbags, impact design etc.

However it's all about "big car = better off in an impact" for a lot of folk, despite the fact that plenty of people drive modern supermini and small hatches for yesrs and never die or get injured despite occasional crashes.

I’m not sure if this has already been pointed out but driving other cars cover (DOC) on your own policy does not cover you for anything other than emergency use. So you would not be covered and neither would I risk it. If you did unfortunately get in to a fault accident, you would be liable for the costs. If you do go ahead she will need to add you fully coop on her policy. Also again, in the event of an accident you would I expect have to pay the excess if you were driving. The fault accident would have to be declared by you and her as the pay out would be on her policy and you would have been at fault. It gets very complicated very fast. It’s not just simply a case of hop in and go, what’s wrong with you. Personally if I didn’t feel safe driving someone else’s car. I wouldn’t. End of. It’s not up to someone else to decided if you are over reacting. We don’t do anything we aren’t happy to. End of. I say that from a position of confidence and I would consider myself a very confident driver who would jump in any car and go. But I also know that none of us think or feel alike so wouldn’t want someone driving my car that felt nervous to tbh.

*fully comp

@Adamantspants

You need to work on your reading comprehension. I didn't call the OP lame for being afraid of driving a big car. The OP hasn't even claimed to be afraid of driving the car. She said she was "uncomfortable".

What I said was lame was MinnieGirl's proposal that being "uncomfortable" with something was some kind of magic status that meant no one should suggest you even try to get over that feeling. The idea that it's fine to stay in your comfort zone even if you rely on other people to do the things you find uncomfortable is entitled and, yes, burdensome.

You said using the fact that she was uncomfortable driving a big car lame, no, it is not lame but it is in fact dangerous to drive if is you are nervous or uncomfortable. It's ENTITLED?????? Are you for fucking real.

The OP felt TRAPPED....that is not being a burden, not about being part of the solution and certainly not entitled.

The OP had done the journey before in her own car with no prob. She has issue with driving a car that is not hers, driving people and animals around. She doesn't WANT to do it NOT because she is a fucking entitled or lame. She is nervous. She is quite willing to drive everyone in her own car but it is not big enough.

Cope the fuck on with your shite.

@Sundaycoffee

I'm also with you OP I wouldn't drive someone else's much larger car. Full stop.

To be honest it wouldn't bother me at all driving 4 hours (in my car) and assumed this would be the case with her as it wasn't until now that the drive will be split. Last time we went away I did the drive there and back, plus all the day trips while we were there and didn't ask

So your friends have expected you to do the full drive before too... and no one else offered to share driving!

It's a 4 hour drive not a 10 hour drive, with a break half way for coffee it's perfectly doable by one driver. No driving friends can help pay for taxis around for everyone whilst you're there.
You don't have to drive someone else's car so I'd continue to say 'sorry no, I only drive my car or little cars, it's not for me' If non drivers mix in telling you to driver other friends car simply say 'well if it's that easy, you take your test and drive '
'Cant do it'

Ultimately if they keep going on then drive your own car and meet them down there

Having reconsidered this one, it occurs to me that the non-driver is worried that, if the OP refuses to do any driving, the trip might be off. Selfish twerp!

No. I didn't. As I said, you really need to work on your reading comprehension.

Here's the quote:
The proposal that simply being "uncomfortable" with something is a reasonable get out clause is really lame and pretty negative itself.

See how I specifically name what is lame here. It isn't "Being uncomfortable with driving a big car".

Coming back to the OP's specific example - being uncomfortable with driving doesn't mean you should never try to drive. Being uncomfortable with driving a big vehicle doesn't mean you should never try to drive a big vehicle. Almost no one would ever learn to drive if being uncomfortable meant not doing it. The solution (suggested above by many, many posters including me) is to try it out somewhere less pressurized to get used to it. i.e. overcome your discomfort.

I think being uncomfortable can actually be a very good shit detector! Obviously there are different levels of being uncomfortable, but in the main, if something makes you feel that way it’s usually for a reason.
I don’t see why the OP should have to push herself to do something to please others, especially when she’s done her turn of the driving. Nor should she be bullied into doing something that wasn’t previously discussed. I think her friends have been rather devious and quite mean.

I rented a Yaris and had a Nissan Micra and a Suzuki Swift before I moved to SUVs. I must say I absolutely hated the Yaris! It would roll backwards on the smallest hills without a handbreak. It definitely didn't feel safe. My Nissan Micra had some kind of mechanical failure and actually caught fire!! But I blame the rogue dealer who sold it to me. Thankfully the fire was underneath the car and was put out quickly, so no one was hurt. I loved driving the Suzuki Swift, but again would never go back from an SUV (Lexus RX400, Toyota RAV4 and Mitsubishi Outlander are the ones I've had/have and loved them all). Outlander and Lexus RX400 were also incredible on fuel consumption because one was a plug-in and one was a hybrid. The RAV4 is unfortunately not a hybrid.