To not want to drive my friends car

[Sundaycoffee]

I am going on holiday next week with friends (within the UK).
The holiday is booked and paid for and we were going to use my friends car to do the 4 hour drive.
I am the only other driver in the party of 4 and now it has been sprung upon me that the drive needs to be split between me and my friend.
I drive a small car and hers is bigger so it's not an option to use mine and generally I am quite nervous in cars I am not familiar with, especially for such a long drive.
I would honestly rather drive the full way in my own car but it is not big enough for us all to fit in.
I have mentioned that I really don't feel comfortable driving the car. There will also be two other people plus a dog in the car.
We did a trip earlier this year year and I drove us there and back (albeit a shorter 2 hour journey each way) so it's not like I haven't done my share before.

Since I've mentioned it my other friend attending (non driver!) She has told me I'm being unreasonable and it's not fair to expect me not to split the drive and its caused a bit of awkwardness.

I just wish this had been discussed before booking and now I feel a little trapped into doing something I don't feel comfortable doing.

AIBU?

Lots of OP shaming on here. There's no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed. The OP is probably a perfectly competent driver of her own car. Some people just need a bit of time to get used to a different vehicle. I wouldn't want my first time driving a bigger, different car to be the day I'm expected to drive it for 2hrs with 3 other people (including the owner) in it, possibly judging me.

They are being grossly unfair on you. When I went away with friends many moons ago, I suggested taking my car as long as one of the other drivers was willing to take over if needed and I’d insure them so that they were fully comp for the duration in case. This person was used to driving large cars etc and was fine to do it. The additional cover was about £5 at the time and I added it to the fuel costs and split it equally between all of us.

I think I would compromise with them, plan to do a short leg of the journey of your choice and to practice driving it in advance. But above all, make sure you’re properly insured. I find it baffling that someone is trying to force you to drive their car when you’re not comfortable.

You have shit friends.
You did all the driving the last time and there wasn't a word out of them.

The non drivers are complete CF's.

Not mentioning it before the booking is the issue.

They do NOT get to tell you that you have to drive.

I rethink the trip and your friends.

They sound like bullys.

What kind of car is the bigger car? It might give us some idea of the difference in vehicle. Many people who drive very small cars assume that larger cars are difficult and scary to drive but often they can be easier. I drive a larger car, but I had a Toyota Aygo as a courtesy car once and I've never felt so vulnerable on the road - I hated it. My own car just feels safer and handles easier. Many newer cars have extra features like parking sensors to help with that stuff.

I would suggest going out in the car to see what it's actually like - get a feel for it. You might be surprised.

I thin you are being a bit unreasonable. It’s not like she’s asking to you drive a lorry. But then, I jumped in a 7M new-to-me motorhome and bombed round Europe for six weeks on my own with only a ten year old for a co-pilot (she was rubbish!). Twice. I was a bit nervous, but it was a piece of cake. No man has ever asked me if I can park it. Every single woman I know has asked how I manage to.

It’s just driving. Bigger cars aren’t any different, apart from daft things like where the lights are, and your friend can help you there. Unless she’s talking about a Hummer or something, or you’re a very new driver, you’re being pretty precious about it. I really think women are still being told by the patriarchy that they are poor drivers. Ladies, you are not. You can do it. If it fits in a parking space, it’s really just a car.

I think this is the important bit.
The idea of shared driving should have been raised when you were booking the holiday, not a week before you go!

You are not happy and are being bullied into agreeing to something you are not comfortable with. Despite the fact that no one shared driving with you last time…
I would also not want to drive a car with two dogs… and I can’t see how the dogs can be legally restrained with four adults also in the car…. Or that it would be a comfortable ride for anyone.

I think you are in a very difficult position sadly.

If you stick to your guns you are going to be the mean one who wouldn’t share driving and there will be an atmosphere.

You could say you will drive yourself. That would give you all more space, and your CF friend could have the dogs….. and you wouldn’t have any problems with insurance.

The third option is to not go.

Personally, I would drive myself, which also gives you the option to do other things should the need arise, or come home early. But I would not be driving her car.

When you get in the car, keep up a slightly-panicked monologue on the rest of the traffic "ooh that one came really close. Did he even see me? Now which way are you going, Mr Audi? Didn't they fit you with indicators, then?" etc.
Then brake really hard and late at roundabouts.
I guarantee you won't have to do more than one stint.

You do need to be added to her insurance if you agree to this. 3rd party insurance is not adequate for this type of journey

Good for you.
I don't want to drive a motor home or a huge car. It shouldn't damage my feminist credentials, it's just a personal choice.

Honestly, say you’ll drive your car, or you’ll not go. Don’t be an anxious nervous wreck in someone else’s car with 3 passengers & dogs. It’s not fair on anyone!

The driving other cars extension is only ever third party only cover.

That’s not strictly true, third party only is the norm but policies are available which include DOC fully comp.

This is one of those things where I think you're being unreasonable.

You're already a driver. You're not a new driver. This isn't like pushing you to do something you really fundamentally disagree with - it's just a different car.

Ask your friend if you can have a couple of practice runs if you like - but honestly, this is such a mountain out of a molehill. You're pushing yourself very slightly outside of your comfort zone.

What a load of nonsense. Just because your licence will allow you to drive an agricultural tractor or a minibus up to 16 passengers towing a trailer, doesn't mean you should be able to just jump in one and immediately be happy driving it.

Just say no and point out you did the driving last time without any sharing. Say you are happy to drive but it will need to be your car.

I’m assuming that on a night out etc you will be getting taxis, so I don’t see the problem with one person being responsible for driving as long as it doesn’t mean they can’t drink all holiday.

www.theaa.com/car-insurance/advice/driving-other-cars-insurance

Some years ago fully comprehensive policies often covered people to drive others' vehicles third party, but this has changed. It is not difficult for her to add you as a named driver to her policy, if you decide you are willing to drive it. There would obviously be a cost, but I assume she would want you covered for damage to her vehicle?

I would share your annoyance at the assumption you'd share the driving without being asked, particularly coming from one of the non-drivers...

As others have said, if you try driving the bigger car, you may find it easier than you think. Are there parts of the route you might feel more comfortable driving than others?

Really weird. DP and I both drive and are both equally comfortable in our own car (obviously). We wouldn’t share on a 4 hr journey - 6 or 8 maybe but 4 is just a faff of changing seat distance, heights, wing mirrors, rear view etc.

Not worth it

No way would I want a friend driving my car for the sake of 2 hours - let alone when they expressed lack of confidence / experience in driving a larger car.

super weird and makes me think she hates driving her car - which wouldn’t inspire confidence in it being a nice experience for me either.

I'd be saying no due to the insurance rather than the car size. I'd imagine if her car gets damaged she would expect you to cough up to cover it. Third party is legal to drive with, but could be very expensive if for example you misjudge the size of the bigger car and clip another one!

All the people who are saying you're being selfish can fuck off. We have two cars. A small hatchback and a 7-seater van. For ages, I drove the van while my husband took the smaller car to work. It was fine until I scraped someone else's car, trying to park. It was at that point that I realised that my spatial awareness is shit and I've hated driving it ever since. Fortunately, covid has meant that I now have access to the smaller car.

It's not just as simple as driving another car if you're not comfortable.

In the dim and distant past the car owners insurance company would often pop you on the cover for a few days no extra charge.

No need to be frightened of a bigger car per way but a practice would be nice.

Did you say why the driver doesn’t want to do the lot? It’s not exactly that long is it!

I'm with you OP. I hate driving and whether the friends car was bigger or smaller would be irrelevant to me. The thought of driving someone else's car is too much responsibility for me. I like driving my own car where the only person who will be pissed off if I reserve it into a wall or inconvenienced of some lunatic drives into me at 50 mph is me. Having to drive someone else's car would be an ordeal. The fear and anticipation would spoil the holiday for me.

I can even drive my DH car because Im not insured too, we can afford it.

It cost's my parents £200 to add my sibling to their insurance and this was an amazingly low quote based on their 40 years of good driving and was cheaper than taking out a temporary policy for a second driver.

It utterly insane all these people suggesting you can just drive someone elses car, I wonder if they drive because that is not how any of this works.

*can't even drive

no idea why my compute keeps changing can't to can lol

And say if I had an accident in her car, would my insurance premiums increase on my own car?

Unless she has a disability of some sort, why on earth would a 4 hour drive need to be split in the first place? How does she think the millions of people who drive full time for a living carry on?