To not want to drive my friends car

[Sundaycoffee]

I am going on holiday next week with friends (within the UK).
The holiday is booked and paid for and we were going to use my friends car to do the 4 hour drive.
I am the only other driver in the party of 4 and now it has been sprung upon me that the drive needs to be split between me and my friend.
I drive a small car and hers is bigger so it's not an option to use mine and generally I am quite nervous in cars I am not familiar with, especially for such a long drive.
I would honestly rather drive the full way in my own car but it is not big enough for us all to fit in.
I have mentioned that I really don't feel comfortable driving the car. There will also be two other people plus a dog in the car.
We did a trip earlier this year year and I drove us there and back (albeit a shorter 2 hour journey each way) so it's not like I haven't done my share before.

Since I've mentioned it my other friend attending (non driver!) She has told me I'm being unreasonable and it's not fair to expect me not to split the drive and its caused a bit of awkwardness.

I just wish this had been discussed before booking and now I feel a little trapped into doing something I don't feel comfortable doing.

AIBU?

In my group of friends it would go without saying that the driving is shared. I'd offer to do a stint on the motorway as surely size of car doesn't make much of a difference.

Even though the non driver is being cheeky I think it's fair to share the driving.

It wasn't discussed but hers is the only car big enough so mine would never have been an option anyway

Four hours drive without a break would be unreasonable. Suggest stopping for half an hour midway, or perhaps limit your bit to 30 minutes.

Or claim a muscle strain last minute, though that seems a bit unfair to me.

Definitely get familiar with the car or take your own. Spread the luggage load a bit.

Tell the none driving friend that no license, no sodden opinion.

It's pretty selfish to refuse to split driving if you can.

I'm sorry, but it really isn't difficult to drive a car you aren't used to, especially if the owner is sat next to you. They all work the same way.

I'd start by just explaining to the car owner that while you don't mind driving in your own car you are uncomfortable driving someone else's car. Make it clear that you aren't refusing to drive your share and mention that of course you drove last time.

Ask her about insurance, she will need to add you to her policy as you don't have driving other cars cover and in any event it is third party only. You would want a copy of the policy confirmation in case you need it for the police/an accident. Remind her that any accidents could affect her no claims. This might be enough to put her off!

Also talk about what happens if you "ding" or bump the car minor damage not worth claiming for, would she expect you to pay, can you afford it, what if you disagree about what to do?. Say you are nervous and aren't used to big cars and would hate to damage hers and cause a fall out. In an unfamiliar car kerbing an alloy or knocking a wing mirror are reasonably likely.

How will she feel if you grind the gears or ride the clutch or whatever? Does she really want to let someone else drive her car?

A four hour drive is a long drive to do by yourself but it wouldn't be too bad if you break the journey well. I'd plan either one longish stop (lunch and a walk around) or two shorter stops depending upon timings and preference. Maybe talk to her about whether she could manage the full drive with suitable breaks and making sure the journey isn't done very early or late.

Does she actually want you to do a substantial amount of driving or is she just thinking about a back up plan in case she struggles? I would be more willing to consider that.

If she is still insisting that you share the driving and you still aren't happy suggest you try her car before making a final decision. Driving a big car isn't really difficult, in fact often they are pretty easy as long as you don't have to park. I switch between a tiny hatchback city car and a massive pick up truck. On the motorway the big car is actually nicer!

If you still aren't happy hiring a car would be a good alternative. At least then you wouldn't have to worry about driving your friends car and could get something you are both comfortable with.

4 hours is not really a long drive, especially when you're all chatting away which passes the time. Can you stop for a longish coffee / lunch break en route so it's 2 x 2hr chunks?

I understand your nerves but you're just driving. Parking etc is different but for driving you just point and go.

Genuine question op. Have you ever driven a big car? Vision is so much better that bit higher up! Also they usually have parking sensors too! Maybe offer to do the motorway driving and friend to do the nearly there finding the place bit? Honestly you have been certified as a legal driver! Give yourself more credit of your abilities!

It’s not just using a different and bigger car, it’s driving a different and bigger car with three other people (and dog) talking and chatting, makes it very hard to concentrate. And it must be a huge car if it is accommodating four people and dog and luggage . I would suggest taking your car too, will spread out the luggage, and possibly the passengers if one comes with you, and will give more flexibility while you are away. Find somewhere to stop for half an hour or so to break up the journey. If you are willing to suck up the petrol costs for your car I don’t see why there should be any objection.

Take your friends car out on a practice run in advance, use it as an opportunity to smooth things over a bit after all the non-drivers shit stirring. Maybe to a retail park a bit out of the way so you can try it on residential roads and a dual carriage way, stop for a coffee together and drive back again.

You’ll be fine, but I’d have the same anxieties in your situation, and I certainly wouldn’t appreciate the non-drivers involving themselves.

I'd just message the other driver and say "seeing as I did the driving all of last holiday, I had assumed when you said you would take your car that you would be the driver this time around. I'm not comfortable driving other people's cars. If only all four of us were drivers then we could really share the load"

Have a test drive with her which involves you crunching through the gears and narrowly missing everything in sight, she'll soon change her mind!!

Obvs I'm kidding but I do get how you feel, I never drive my DHs car because it's massive and automatic and I just don't want to. In this situation though, I would give it a practice go with her first and see how you feel before you make a decision. You might be fine doing a couple of hours on the motorway and let her do the smaller roads?

Ignore the non-driver too, it's got nothing to do with them.

Has your friend put you on her insurance ? That is the most important question I would be asking. Does your insurance actually cover you to drive other cars not all insurance companies do this now.

I also wouldn't like to get into an unfamiliar car and drive straight down a sliproad onto a motorway, especially with the distraction of 3 other people and a dog in the car. I'd want to familiarise myself a bit first.

If you're potentially up for it, why don't you ask your friend if you can test it out over the next couple of days and see how you feel.

If you're not up for it that's fair enough I think.

Never. I drive a Toyota Aygo. Can't get much smaller than that 🤣
Maybe a practice run is the way forward but honestly terrified 😬 clearly I'm a wimp haha

This should've been made clear upfront.

Is it possible to split the drive so you are doing your part in a less busy / open road part of the journey?

I'm a shit driver and get anxious in busy traffic but would probably still give it a go when there's not much traffic around.

Does the dog belong to the driver?

When you said you were uncomfortable, what did the other driver say?

She seriously needs to split a 4 hour drive with someone else?

Just needs a stop in the middle for half an hour at a service station.

I assume once there you won't need her to drive around all week?

YANBU
Speak to your other driving friend and just tell her what you've written here, but nicely.
I would never expect a friend to drive my car.
I would never want to drive a friend's car.
It's too much stress and hassle to sort out the insurance and also would feel awful if I had a parking mishap. Would also feel very under pressure with how I drove for the whole journey.

Agree this should have been discussed before you booked and I would feel the same as you.
4 hours is a fairly long drive but not impossible for one person. Just stop half way.

Yes, well the driver and one of the non drivers (the CF one) co-own

@Hugasauras

"So what about the two non-drivers who are offering fuck all?"

I agree.

It seems they've worked a real flanker on you with this one OP. I don't think the driving is the real problem, it's your friends' entitlement issues. This should have been discussed with you before the holiday was booked.

I would suggest hiring a minibus to drive you all there and back - that should make the CFs realise that friends aren't for freebies.

YANBU.
I'm not a hugely confident driver and I'd hate to have to drive someone else's car with so many distractions of people and dog.
Your friend is being unreasonable, for a 4 hr drive you'd just suck it up surely. Check how much it would cost to get you full insurance- might be quite a lot, certainly was when I looked at it - split of course between all of you including the non drivers, may change peoples minds.

It will be fine, it's not fair for me to do all the driving etc etc