Age 44-A baby, a masters or a hot bod?

[Hairdyeoutofabox]

Been feeling a bit blah recently so need a goal/something to look forward to.
My only dc starts school in September. I have frozen embryos from years of infertility, I could try to see if they work.
I’m not 100% sure I’m not too old, although so wish I had more than one child.
If not this, I could do a masters or get my old bod back (would be a big project as need 2.5-3 stone to lose)

Which should I/would you do?

When I had my dc, most women were in their 30s and 40s. I was considered unusual being in my early twenties. I honestly don’t think it’s that weird at all OP

I’d do the masters and work on your body. Personally wouldn’t have a baby at 4r especially as your child will be starting school. Wish I’d stuck at one!

Baby

Then masters and body together

I am currently doing body and masters and also have 4dc. Youngest started school last year and I definitely feel to old for babies.

But OP, can't you do all three at the same time and see what happens?

If having the baby is the one you want, have the baby. What does it matter what anyone else thinks? In real terms, what is the difference between 40 an 44? Your embyro is younger and so gives you a get out of jail free card, in terms of age/risk assessment. It will be good for your child to have a sibling. You could start the masters now and do them concurrently. Breast feeding can help with weight loss too.

You are amazing!

I don't think it's odd at all to have a baby now. People are reacting because you present it as one of three options, so perhaps it didn't come across that was your preferred option.

I think you need to want the baby above the other two, much more, for it to be worth it, because it is harder at that age. I think the other options are the reclaiming your life options - whereas baby is obviously going back the start with another child. But you say you want to do it again so you should try.

They are all good options. I would say baby or masters, whichever you want more, and then focus on your fitness later. I am 46 and don't have the drive / energy for any of them!

Haven’t read the full thread but I’ve read all your posts. Try for a baby. How many embryos do you have?

We did ivf so we could have PGD to avoid passing on a dodgy gene, so as far as we know we’re both fertile. Our first embryo is now our 4 year old, and I waited because of the covid-chaos thinking “we’ve 3 left, we’ll be ok”. Embryos are from when I was 29 and am now 35, and I’ve just transferred the last one after 2 textbook-looking cycles resulted in BFNs. Really hoping this last one takes, but also glad we didn’t wait any longer as it’s been harder and more complicated than I expected and has eaten a lot of my headspace. I think I’m sort of glad to be getting to a point where I have a bit more certainty - the ‘what if’ of unused embryos is draining.

Great question and options!

For me:

Baby, Masters then Bod.

You could prob combine any combination of two really. Bod after baby of course! But you can get fit looking after your baby.

Don't worry about your age. Honestly people on Mumsnet are so judgmental. Yes wouldn't it be ideal if we all had babies at 30 and second babies at 32, but it work's absolutely fine any other way. I have no idea how old some of the other school mums, are but there a many newborn and young children so of big age gaps.

The body you can sort in 6 month once you are in the zone.

You run out of fucks to give, lose the caring hormones and generally can't be arsed! It's not everyone's experience, but that's why a lot of us with much older children and going through the difficulties of peri menopause, can see why having children very late isn't easy at all.

Are you a solo parent? No mention of what DP/DH thinks about having another baby

You know the answer here - you want to try for a baby but you’re scared. Sorry you are getting a hard time here

How many embryos have you got left and how many transfers did it take to make your dc? Those embryos are presumably 5 years + younger than you, so that is great!

Reading between the lines so I could be talking bollocks I think you're scared the ivf won't work and you're trying to protect yourself with these other plans! I'm saying that as someone who's had multiple ivf failures and miscarriages.

I'm voting baby! I'm very nearly 40 and didn't want to be an older mum at all, but that's what years of (secondary in my case) infertility can force on you. I'm not giving up yet.

@Happytap Thank you

Also, anecdotally I've heard of a lot of women using their left over embryos from when they had a previous dc with the plan of 'just to see if it's meant to be'. then when it's not worked ending up going ahead with full fresh egg collection cycles!

Masters or body.

Not the baby (but that’s me)

@seven201 We've got 2 left, you’re right in what you’re saying. I got pregnant and she stuck on our third cycle, I had the least eggs and had no more hope left, it took us 9 years, an ectopic and a miscarriage
I really hope it works for you, keep positive! Xx

I think you’re getting more negative reactions as your post comes across as flippant like you think a child is a new hobby. I see from subsequent posts you don’t.

if you want to go for it, do it! You have a young child and it wasn’t that long ago you did the baby stage.

Baby
Masters
Body

You could start the masters and take time out if you’re successful TTC. As you already have fertility issues you will get referred in really quickly so depending on how many embryos you have left, you could know in a few months if TTC is a non-starter or not and still have loads of time left for the Masters.

Hot body? Yeah, it’ll be okay. You’re a few months older than me but, let’s face, it’s all about to go south anyway and no amount of gym bunniness can change that. Unless you’re going the lipo and boob job route. If you’re thinking of that, look at Katie Price. Then don’t.

@Hairdyeoutofabox I'm sorry I was right with my prediction. Maybe go into it with the plan of knowing you'll stop after you've used those two. Counselling might be a good idea. You could push for some tests before transfer or a dummy cycle? Give yourself the best chance.

Also, anecdotally I've heard of a lot of women using their left over embryos from when they had a previous dc with the plan of 'just to see if it's meant to be'. then when it's not worked ending up going ahead with full fresh egg collection cycles!

I’m 43, had last babies (twins) at 38. I’ve had 3 failed cycles in the last year, have one egg left. I suspect I’m going to do exactly this.

I think all the snarky one line replies referring to OPs age issue is making me doubt the veracity of this thread.

@seven201 Which tests though? I’m assuming would be a simple transfer of the embryos 🤷🏻‍♀️I’d never go through the full cycles again, but a frozen embryo transfer shouldn’t be *As stressful…hopefully!

Baby, a million times over. Not least as I wouldn't have wanted to have an only child.

You can sort your body out any time. An MA (or MSc) is meaningless. Pretty much all young people have them nowadays.