Age 44-A baby, a masters or a hot bod?

[Hairdyeoutofabox]

Been feeling a bit blah recently so need a goal/something to look forward to.
My only dc starts school in September. I have frozen embryos from years of infertility, I could try to see if they work.
I’m not 100% sure I’m not too old, although so wish I had more than one child.
If not this, I could do a masters or get my old bod back (would be a big project as need 2.5-3 stone to lose)

Which should I/would you do?

100% hot body for me!!

Just read your comment about how you struggle to lose weight without lots of working out - have you tried intermittent fasting? It's been a godsend for me. I no longer eat in the evenings, I just have a big late lunch and it's made a big difference.

I'd move forward now with the body and baby as getting healthy and losing a little weight will help with pregnancy and I assume it'll take a little while to get the ball rolling with IVF. Also summer is a good time to start with healthy salads etc. Then if baby doesn't happen you can move forward to the masters.

As an aside, I find it baffling on these threads when those who had all the babies they wanted by xx age start saying you shouldn't have a baby at your age (and in some cases even being quite rude about it) when they've no idea what their actual cut off would have been if life had been different. Like "oh, I had my children at 28 and 30, only wanted 2. My cut off would have been 34, I'd never have had a baby after 34" .

I think you should only have a baby if you have a strong urge or desire to and not as some of sort of project. I understand you said you'd like to bit if you are a bit meh about it then don't do it, definitely not at this age where it can be even more of a difficult and painful journey.

Doing another degree is also a big undertaking, which I'd only do if i was really interested or it was a great career move and I could afford it.

I suppose working in your health is usually a good idea especially if you are overweight (I am too) but it's probably the least exciting of all the options

Lol sorry I just realized I sound very pessimistic about everything but this is what I think.

When they're older at what age? Do you mean if they need care into adulthood that OP will be into her 60s / 70s trying to care for a disabled adult? Because otherwise its a ridiculous point. Some 50 year olds are fitter than some 20 year olds. There's no reason OP can run around after a ten year old paying footie at 55. She'll have been doing it for years with her now 4 yo

I’m of the view that people should only have a baby if they reaallly want one. You don’t sound sure enough, if it’s a debate between those three.

I’d say body/health. It will stand you in good stead for the years to come.

What would the masters be in, would it lead to anything job wise or just for interest? If just for interest then maybe there are some part time courses you could do alongside the hot bod project?

I think it’s a natural feeling to consider what we’re going to do when the youngest (or only) child starts school. It’s that kind of empty “what now”? feeling

Maybe wait until your child is actually at school though and see how you really feel about it. There is a big build up to these things and you might be surprised how you feel and decisions seem clearer once it actually happens?

Under no circumstances would I deliberately have a baby/toddler just at the point my warm, fuzzy, maternal hormones were drying up.

The only thing that makes having young children bearable is oestrogen.

Menopause is about telling everyone to fuck off and finally putting yourself first after years of caring for others. Don't do it to yourself!

I'd focus on yourself but from a health perspective, not "hot-ness". You won't "get your old body back" as you're no longer 25, but you will see an overall improvement in health and wellbeing from losing a bit of weight and being fitter.

As for the Masters - is it something you really need for work and/or have a passion for? If neither I wouldn't bother with that.

I'd advise focusing on your one child and not having another and think about what you want to do when they are older and independent.

If you were 4years younger you'd have the baby so, assuming DH is on board, I'd do that. It's time limited, and I assume embryo limited so focus on that.

At the same time I'd do what you can to improve your physical health and wellbeing. Whatever happens - pregnancy or not - that matters.

Then I'd start doing research into your masters. There's no reason you can't do it once baby is a bit older or if it doesn't happen for you again, that you can't do it sooner. So have all your info ready for when the time is right.

And ignore people like @pattish who aren't able to infer anything but a literal interpretation from a piece of writing. No own with a four year old thinks a baby is some part time hobby, and no one who's undergone ivf underestimates what it takes to make one.

I am having the exact same dilemma re. baby and have similar reasons for not trying again earlier. Let me know what you decide!

I don't think a baby is the answer to feeling a bit blah. Neither is a masters. It's not really something you do to feel better. You don't sound like you have any passion or commitment towards either.

From reading your opening post (haven't read the whole thread) I'd 100% be going for a short term project like the weight loss.

Baby
bod
masters

So much t

oops. Posted too fast. I meant to say ' So much this !'. Only on MN do women say 50 year olds are fitter than 20 year olds. In real life most women are looking forward to putting themselves first at 50.

BABY, body, masters

You clearly are thinking about the baby, as otherwise it wouldn’t be on your list, and I’ve never known anyone regret a baby, especially after infertility. Babies have a timer on them.

masters and body can be done simultaneously (albeit slower than with no baby). I’d have my kids 10X over before losing the weight (which I’ve managed, too.)

I know so many women who regret a baby including many posters on here.

@JanisMoplin All women or women of my age you mean?

I was responding to the poster above who said no one ever regrets a baby. Many do. Of all ages. As can be seen by posts on here.

Anything but the baby. I'm younger than 44 and could think of nothing worse than babies at my age.

Probably go with masters as first preference but nothing wrong with upping the fitness and health either.

and I’ve never known anyone regret a baby

Plenty do. Me included. The old saying I used to see to often "you never regret the ones you have only those you don't" what a load of garbage. Not true for everyone but as it's such a taboo topic many won't admit it. I'm happy to because this sort of line makes many who do feel worst than they already do about it.

My last I had at 32 and I never should have made that choice.

Why do you regret it?

Had baby no 2 at 40 - felt bloody old, was physically exhausting

Plenty of women get the baby urge when the youngest goes to school/University, or they're on the cusp of menopause... just ride it out. Another vote for the bod/Masters combo.

You need to sit down and work out, very carefully but pretty quickly, whether or not you want a baby. That's not something an internet poll can decide for you. But you're at the very top end of the age for that so you need to get on with it. Both a masters and a hot body are less time sensitive. FWIW, I'd go for the masters.