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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Age 44-A baby, a masters or a hot bod?

218 replies

Hairdyeoutofabox · 14/06/2022 22:08

Been feeling a bit blah recently so need a goal/something to look forward to.
My only dc starts school in September. I have frozen embryos from years of infertility, I could try to see if they work.
I’m not 100% sure I’m not too old, although so wish I had more than one child.
If not this, I could do a masters or get my old bod back (would be a big project as need 2.5-3 stone to lose)

Which should I/would you do?

OP posts:
Clymene · 14/06/2022 23:08

If you want the baby, have the baby. I was 42 when I had my last.

MirandaJayne · 14/06/2022 23:11

I did baby at 42 and completed Masters the following year. 4 years, so was 3 years in when I conceived. I deferred two units until I was more able.

Romeoalpha · 14/06/2022 23:13

What I’d choose: Body, masters, baby.

But, if you really want that baby, better give it a try asap?

Aghh · 14/06/2022 23:13

I concentrated on masters & body.
I wish I’d prioritised baby, but I now foster and get to give them back 😁

ForestFae · 14/06/2022 23:14

I’m surprised how negative people are about having a baby in your 40s! I thought it was considered pretty ordinary these days.

HelloBunny · 14/06/2022 23:17

Had my baby at 44. Then got my body back. No intention of doing a Masters!

ArtVandalay · 14/06/2022 23:18

The thought of a baby at that age is alarming to me.

I’d proiritise the master’s while you’re still young enough to be a viable employee. Can’t see why the bod thing can’t be done at the same time.

Original poster
Hairdyeoutofabox · 14/06/2022 23:20

@ArtVandalay Alarming? Wow

OP posts:
Paq · 14/06/2022 23:21

It's not "hot body" it's "good health" if you are 3 stone overweight. Health should always be a priority. But is it really a "project" to the exclusion of everything else?

Original poster
Hairdyeoutofabox · 14/06/2022 23:21

@AssignedSlytherinAtBirth 🤣That sounds heavenly, sadly I have a Dh at home and am responsible for my 4 year old…those are parts from a former life

OP posts:
ForestFae · 14/06/2022 23:22

There’s nothing alarming about someone having a baby at 44. Historically women have always had babies in their 40s, and lots of modern women do it too. OP my dads mum was 41 when she had my dad, her only child, back in 1959!

shinynewapple22 · 14/06/2022 23:22

I think if you are asking people on the internet whether you should go for a 'hot bod', further study or a baby, the answer has to be NOT the baby. It's a bit like tossing a coin. They are all very different things - nobody else can chose for you which direction your life should take - but if you are this unsure then I don't think another child is the answer .

Original poster
Hairdyeoutofabox · 14/06/2022 23:23

@Paq To get back to how I was or in as good shape, I’d need to work really hard. I was an avid gym goer before, I don’t eat excessively but can’t lose weight without serious working out

OP posts:
Bluebellsand · 14/06/2022 23:23

I would definitely have the baby and then work on the body. If your body is anything like mine. I gain a lot of weight the year after baby is born. I don't exercise and I breastfeed which makes fatter (I also automatically lose weight when I stop breastfeeding).

Baby first, then the hot body. Then when my body is back to normal, I would then concentrate on my mind. If finance allows.

Even, master, baby and finally hot body is OK. Depending, on how long the master is for.

Original poster
Hairdyeoutofabox · 14/06/2022 23:24

@HelloBunny How did you find having one at 44?

OP posts:
Krispybacon · 14/06/2022 23:28

Its risky to carry a pregnancy at this age, to birth them, but then also when they are older, unless you have a lot of money you will be too physically (and mentally) exhausted to look after them than someone younger. You will never recover

Phrenologistsfinger · 14/06/2022 23:31

@Krispybacon that is ridiculous! Loads of women have babies in their 40s! And as OP has frozen embryos from a younger age, the risks of chromosomal abnormality will be lower - her embryos are the age they were when they collected/fertilised and cultured. Very different to ttc naturally.

Original poster
Hairdyeoutofabox · 14/06/2022 23:32

@Krispybacon Never recover how? That just sounds so extreme, I never realised people thought it was so very old. It obviously isn’t the ideal age, but life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to.

OP posts:
Mamapep · 14/06/2022 23:35

Don’t have a baby cos you need a project.

Do a masters.

Mariposista · 14/06/2022 23:38

The body AND the masters. You will be surprised how you can combine weight loss and fitness with a busy life studying/working.
Your kid is getting to that ‘nice age’ now where you can enjoy being a mum.

usernamechangeagain · 14/06/2022 23:39

I would say baby first. The other two can be done afterwards in whatever order (or at the same time). However, you may regret missing this opportunity for another child.
That's just my opinion.

ForestFae · 14/06/2022 23:39

Hairdyeoutofabox · 14/06/2022 23:32

@Krispybacon Never recover how? That just sounds so extreme, I never realised people thought it was so very old. It obviously isn’t the ideal age, but life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to.

It’s bollocks. I developed a permanent back injury after the birth of DS1 when I was 20, a friend had her only DS at nearly 40 and was fine. You can get injured during birth but it’s not solely dependent on age that’s just one factor among many. Plenty of older mothers have fine pregnancies and births, plenty of younger ones have my experience.

Zpoa · 14/06/2022 23:42

Rufus27 · 14/06/2022 23:00

If age is all that’s putting you off having another baby, I’d go for it. The masters and body can be done later on. I’m 50 with a 4 and 6 year old. I’d say a third of mums in my DC’s classes are over 40. I’m not the oldest.

My god! Hats off to all the mums having children at 40+. I'm 50 and mine are 32 and 20.

Seriously, don't think I'd have the energy to do that.

Lalliella · 15/06/2022 00:12

Baby
…
…
…
Masters and body somewhere down the line.

Try for the baby first, it’s the most time critical, and let fate decide whether it happens or not.

Peoniesandpeaches · 15/06/2022 00:17

I don’t think feeling blah or needing a goal is a good reason to have a child.