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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Not Give in to Neighbor's Request for Fence Change?

190 replies

Delphinium20 · 14/06/2022 15:40

Need some advice, and apologies for long post, but details needed.

We bought our house a few years ago and have been making garden improvements including walkway, new patio, landscaping and new, modern shed. Neighbors on both sides say how lovely each improvement is, how nice to have someone take care of old house, etc. DH and I are avid gardeners (even written up in local garden articles).

We have two teen DDs, younger DD sometimes plays with neighbor kids to the left of us. This family has six children under age 11 and have their own garden fence. To the right of us are two homes who share a fence (not w/ us). Neighbor kids from both sides run through our yard to play and sometimes have trampled our plants. While we politely remind them to be careful, I don't expect little ones to always remember (I'm not angry w/ children being children!).We have a lot of rabbits in our area and they've destroyed a number of our beloved plants (even ate the rose bushes). Essentially, we are the only house w/out a fence around our garden, sooo...we planned a garden fence of roughly 1.5 m that would contain our garden, and also form a natural boundary so kids won't run through. We have an open front garden (and front walkway) that kids can still use to get from one house to the next, so we aren't cutting anyone off from visiting friends.

We own the drive that separates us from our neighbors to the left, and their home is a bit lower in elevation than ours. We told everyone over a year ago when landscapers would come in the spring to build the fence. They came Monday to start building and it looks lovely.

Yesterday, our neighbor mom of the six kids came crying (literally) to me that she's devastated about this fence because her kids love our yard so much and they love running through it and as we are higher elevation, our fence makes it impossible to watch her kids from her lower yard. She is 'shocked' she wasn't consulted about the design. Her DH called my DH to demand we take it down.

DH and I refused. We know we are within our rights by law to this fence. Everyone ELSE already has a garden fence. We aren't responsible for accommodating her parenting needs. We desire more privacy, rabbit-free garden and a boundary to keep kids from plants. Should we give in to demands to keep the peace? She's obviously distressed, but her DH has been a jerk in the past, so we fear this is clouding our position to stay firm.

OP posts:
beachcitygirl · 14/06/2022 15:42

Stay firm. Don't budge

TheFlis12345 · 14/06/2022 15:44

You know the rules… diagram??

But YANBU.

FionnulaTheCooler · 14/06/2022 15:44

Ignore them. Like fuck would I be giving in to anyone who "demanded" I change something that's perfectly legal on my own land. If your fence is within permitted height limits they'll just have to deal with it.

Valeriekat · 14/06/2022 15:45

She sounds nuts, her kids aren't your problem.

TigerLilyTail · 14/06/2022 15:45

Just give them some time to get used to it. It was probably just a massive shock for her to see the fence. Of course you are not unreasonable for having a fence.

IanOsenfrote · 14/06/2022 15:45

Your neighbour seems an entitled mare. Happy to let her kids run all over other peoples property. Make the fence as high as legally possible.

escapingthecity · 14/06/2022 15:45

Her kids should never have been running through your garden anyway!

GrowBabyGrow · 14/06/2022 15:46

I think I need a diagram to understand how the layout means your neighbour feels that her children have any right to go through your garden at all! You have every right to put up a fence on your own land

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 14/06/2022 15:46

Stick to your plans as you say you are legally allowed to do what you are doing. You are not there to facilitate her parenting ideas or to run an open park for the kids.

I wonder if the kids had suffered an injury - fallen over some gardening tools etc, she would be demanding you did something…

BlanketsBanned · 14/06/2022 15:46

If the fence is on your land then there is nothing she can do silly woman. Her kids will have to use their own garden and only come into your yard when it suits you.

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 14/06/2022 15:46

Ignore her. Her issue.

but yes, diagram ;)

mmgirish · 14/06/2022 15:48

I'm always amazed by these threads! Imagine saying such entitled rubbish to their neighbour! I wouldn't engage with them never mind take it down!

Lindy2 · 14/06/2022 15:52

I'm finding the layout hard to picture but yes of course, you are entitled to put a fence around your garden.

Your neighbours being able to watch their children from their own isn't your issue to have to accommodate. They shouldn't be running through your garden anyway, even without a fence.

Just say that you need a fence around your garden, like all the other gardens, for privacy and security and it's completely reasonable for you to have done so.

WhenDovesFly · 14/06/2022 15:53

Doesn't matter how much her kids love running through your yard. It's your property, not hers, and you can do with it what you want. Keep the fence, stay calm but firm.

NumberTheory · 14/06/2022 15:54

Yesterday, our neighbor mom of the six kids came crying (literally) to me that she's devastated about this fence because her kids love our yard so much and they love running through it

I would have been laughing out loud at her.

flumposie · 14/06/2022 15:57

You should not give in to her demands. Absolutely ridiculous. Everyone around here has 6 foot fences in our back gardens, we all value our privacy but are happy to talk to each other in our front gardens.

ItsSnowJokes · 14/06/2022 16:01

Good fences make good neighbours. One of the first things we did here was put up a solid 6 foot fence all the way round our garden. Just ignore the drama queen next door. She's pissed off that she no longer has double the size garden for her kids to trash and her not have to do anything about it.

QOD · 14/06/2022 16:02

are you in America? your use of mom and not having a fence makes it seem so - we are predominantly English/British and omg. we havefences
6 ft pnale fences

Beautiful3 · 14/06/2022 16:04

Her kids love running through your garden?! Thats a terrible thing to say! You are right to put a fence in. Perhaps you should do the front too, before they feel entitled to that space too.

MidwichCuckoo · 14/06/2022 16:06

Bonkers. I'd like a diagram too

chesirecat99 · 14/06/2022 16:08

YANBU

YABU if you think a fence will keep the rabbits out though, unless your fence entends underground to stop them digging underneath 🐰

pushingpoppies · 14/06/2022 16:09

Yeah, she's going to miss out on a bit of free childcare where she doesn't have to supervise them and 'borrowing' your very nice sounding garden. Stay firm, OP! She'll get over it

Zpoa · 14/06/2022 16:14

I neither no or care until I have a diagram !!

ImAvingOops · 14/06/2022 16:15

I find it hard to believe this is real - who it that batshit crazy and entitled? She cried? Really?

starfishmummy · 14/06/2022 16:15

Yesterday, our neighbor mom of the six kids crying (literally) to me that she's devastated about this fence because her kids love our yard so much and they love running through it and as we are higher elevation, our fence makes it impossible to watch her kids from her lower yard. She is 'shocked' she wasn't consulted about the design. Her DH called my DH to demand we take it down.

I'd be telling her that it is MY garden and that it is precisely because her Kids keep using it and that she is watching them is EXACTLY why the fence is there to stay To provide you with privacy on your own property.

Unless there is some massive drip feed about this being communal land or that there is a restrictive covenant.

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