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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Not Give in to Neighbor's Request for Fence Change?

190 replies

Delphinium20 · 14/06/2022 15:40

Need some advice, and apologies for long post, but details needed.

We bought our house a few years ago and have been making garden improvements including walkway, new patio, landscaping and new, modern shed. Neighbors on both sides say how lovely each improvement is, how nice to have someone take care of old house, etc. DH and I are avid gardeners (even written up in local garden articles).

We have two teen DDs, younger DD sometimes plays with neighbor kids to the left of us. This family has six children under age 11 and have their own garden fence. To the right of us are two homes who share a fence (not w/ us). Neighbor kids from both sides run through our yard to play and sometimes have trampled our plants. While we politely remind them to be careful, I don't expect little ones to always remember (I'm not angry w/ children being children!).We have a lot of rabbits in our area and they've destroyed a number of our beloved plants (even ate the rose bushes). Essentially, we are the only house w/out a fence around our garden, sooo...we planned a garden fence of roughly 1.5 m that would contain our garden, and also form a natural boundary so kids won't run through. We have an open front garden (and front walkway) that kids can still use to get from one house to the next, so we aren't cutting anyone off from visiting friends.

We own the drive that separates us from our neighbors to the left, and their home is a bit lower in elevation than ours. We told everyone over a year ago when landscapers would come in the spring to build the fence. They came Monday to start building and it looks lovely.

Yesterday, our neighbor mom of the six kids came crying (literally) to me that she's devastated about this fence because her kids love our yard so much and they love running through it and as we are higher elevation, our fence makes it impossible to watch her kids from her lower yard. She is 'shocked' she wasn't consulted about the design. Her DH called my DH to demand we take it down.

DH and I refused. We know we are within our rights by law to this fence. Everyone ELSE already has a garden fence. We aren't responsible for accommodating her parenting needs. We desire more privacy, rabbit-free garden and a boundary to keep kids from plants. Should we give in to demands to keep the peace? She's obviously distressed, but her DH has been a jerk in the past, so we fear this is clouding our position to stay firm.

OP posts:
SausageAndCash · 14/06/2022 19:04

Total loon.

And her DH is a bullying thug.

The fence won’t keep rabbits out though. They will dig underneath.

Delphinium20 · 14/06/2022 19:05

Anoooshka · 14/06/2022 19:03

As someone else has mentioned, it's common to have unfenced gardens in the US, and sometimes it's not allowed. Some housing developments have very strict rules about what is and what isn't allowed, even down to what you are allowed to plant in your garden.

What I've noticed here is that no one seems to mind if you put up a fence because you have a dog. Perhaps tell your neighbours that you are getting some Pitbull puppies (if they're not banned in your county) or other similar kid-unfriendly breed, and you're worried that their kids might not be safe. Then say that you are waiting for the puppies to be born when they ask where the dogs are.

I like this!

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 14/06/2022 19:06

2bazookas · 14/06/2022 19:03

We had a similar issue. It began when our small children played with the kids next door on either side and it suited three young families to have gates between the gardens. The children were polite, responsible, closed the gates, there were never any problems
Those kids all grew up, new families moved in on both sides and just assumed their small children could use the old gates to cross our garden. These two sets of children vandalised our plants and trees, left gates open (letting our dogs and livestock out), hit our dogs with sticks. The final straw was , I heard a racket on our land and found the boy next door and his mate vandalising our water supply tank. I took him back to his mother, her response was
"Did you do it?"

"No Mummy."
"He didn't do it."
"I saw him doing it".
"I believe my son".
That night, the gate on their side was torn off its hinges and thrown on the ground. We said nothing, just took the gate away, joined up the stock fences again and planted hawthorn hedge. No more access. The furious mother said we had stolen their childrens freedom and independence "and you didn't even consult us".

WOW! How awful of her. Good for you for putting that up!

OP posts:
fetchacloth · 14/06/2022 19:11

Ignore her. Her kids, her problem. Don't make it yours😎

KylaF · 14/06/2022 19:22

I don’t feel it’s your responsibility to not put the fence up. Very unfortunate situation to be in regarding their reaction but ultimately you have to do what is right for you, as that’s exactly what they are trying to do for them

PlntLady · 14/06/2022 19:23

YANBU
Essentially she is devastated that her children no longer have free access to run across your garden. They shouldn't be in your yard regardless of a fence being there or not. Keep the fence. They will get over it. The kids wont even care by the time the week is out.
If it's such an issue for them tell them to take you to court.

KylaF · 14/06/2022 19:36

I agree! Maybe not in those words but they are soooo cheeky

whynotwhatknot · 14/06/2022 19:44

cheeky fucks she just wants free babysitters

Id go higher than 4 foot though

Leftbutcameback · 14/06/2022 20:02

Come on, who voted YABU? Or was that just for the lack of diagram?

As for the height OP, you can always put trellis on the fence for an extra bit of height later if you need it. We did that and I really like the way it looks - privacy but still lets light through.

Bordesleyhills · 14/06/2022 20:06

Good for you- enjoy your garden

Delphinium20 · 14/06/2022 20:11

PlntLady · 14/06/2022 19:23

YANBU
Essentially she is devastated that her children no longer have free access to run across your garden. They shouldn't be in your yard regardless of a fence being there or not. Keep the fence. They will get over it. The kids wont even care by the time the week is out.
If it's such an issue for them tell them to take you to court.

They will get over it. The kids wont even care by the time the week is out.

Truest statement, I'm sure. Kids have short memories at that age.

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 14/06/2022 20:15

Leftbutcameback · 14/06/2022 20:02

Come on, who voted YABU? Or was that just for the lack of diagram?

As for the height OP, you can always put trellis on the fence for an extra bit of height later if you need it. We did that and I really like the way it looks - privacy but still lets light through.

great idea on trellis. My diagram was late to the convo, so you'll find it top of page 2

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/06/2022 20:18

That's the equivalent of railing against your local supermarket for hiring a security guard - without having the decency to consult you first - on the grounds that it now makes it much more difficult for you to continue shoplifting their goods!!

I also agree that, if her kids had an accident whilst on your land, she would be right on the phone to her lawyer - quite possibly using your 'neglect to secure your land with a fence' in her case against you.

perfectstorm · 14/06/2022 20:22

So effectively she likes having your garden to treat as her own, as it more than doubles the space her kids have to play, while you do all the work of maintaining it? And she thinks it's terrible of you not to plan your living environment around her wishes and convenience, and to treat your own land as anything other than hers?

She sounds awful. Your only unreasonable move is not making the fence a LOT higher, or to grow very scratchy plants up it - roses with mahoosive thorns, say -because otherwise, someone that much of a CF will let her kids use the fence as an additional play option.

perfectstorm · 14/06/2022 20:22

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/06/2022 20:18

That's the equivalent of railing against your local supermarket for hiring a security guard - without having the decency to consult you first - on the grounds that it now makes it much more difficult for you to continue shoplifting their goods!!

I also agree that, if her kids had an accident whilst on your land, she would be right on the phone to her lawyer - quite possibly using your 'neglect to secure your land with a fence' in her case against you.

Perfect analogy. And agreed on the risk.

SeaToSki · 14/06/2022 20:26

Offer her the option of paying the taxes on your garden if she is so keen to use it!

Seriously though, just go for a standard 6 ft fence. Its actually almost cheaper than lower ones as they are the standard for just about everywhere. Then they cant lean over and moan and whine at you, or ask to be lifted over every 5 mins, or put a toy next to the fence to climb over and then get stuck/break their wrist and get annoyed and yell/sue you.

Also you are likely not covered under your household liability insurance if you are knowingly letting them trespass on your garden and they cause damage or leave a toy behind that a contractor trips on etc etc. there is also adverse possession and prescriptive easements to worry about if it goes on long term.

Pallisers · 14/06/2022 20:31

YANBU and she and her husband are being ridiculous. I'm in the US too OP (and have a fence in my back garden). We bought the house years ago from an English couple. They had put a fence (white picket) around the front garden. We left it there for a few years while ours were small and then removed it. All of our neighbours stopped by to thank us for taking it out :) the street looks much nicer without it.

cobden28 · 14/06/2022 20:36

If thefencing you put up was within the legal limits set by your council and erected entirely on your land then it's tough luck on your neighbour as what you've done is perfectly legal and they don't have a leg to stand on. The neighbour's children don't therefore have a legal right to cross your land for any reason.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 14/06/2022 20:46

What a stupid entitled woman. It is NOT OK for their kids to wreck your garden whenever they want!!! I'm surprised you have put up with it so long.

SmartCarDriver · 14/06/2022 20:46

They're bloody ridiculous, stick with it OP!

viques · 14/06/2022 20:58

If she keeps her children in her own garden she will be able to see them perfectly well.

Thehop · 14/06/2022 20:59

Do not alter your plans one inch! She’s more batshit than Dracula’s shed!!!

Sallypally0 · 14/06/2022 21:06

Tell them you are getting an English Mastiff and the fence is for their own good.

Aghh · 14/06/2022 21:11

I don’t need a diagram.

They’re Batshit.

GoodThinkingMax · 14/06/2022 21:12

Why would anybody think they can dictate to a neighbour that they should remove a legal fence?

Your neighbour is nuts.

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