To Not Give in to Neighbor's Request for Fence Change?

[Delphinium20]

Need some advice, and apologies for long post, but details needed.

We bought our house a few years ago and have been making garden improvements including walkway, new patio, landscaping and new, modern shed. Neighbors on both sides say how lovely each improvement is, how nice to have someone take care of old house, etc. DH and I are avid gardeners (even written up in local garden articles).

We have two teen DDs, younger DD sometimes plays with neighbor kids to the left of us. This family has six children under age 11 and have their own garden fence. To the right of us are two homes who share a fence (not w/ us). Neighbor kids from both sides run through our yard to play and sometimes have trampled our plants. While we politely remind them to be careful, I don't expect little ones to always remember (I'm not angry w/ children being children!).We have a lot of rabbits in our area and they've destroyed a number of our beloved plants (even ate the rose bushes). Essentially, we are the only house w/out a fence around our garden, sooo...we planned a garden fence of roughly 1.5 m that would contain our garden, and also form a natural boundary so kids won't run through. We have an open front garden (and front walkway) that kids can still use to get from one house to the next, so we aren't cutting anyone off from visiting friends.

We own the drive that separates us from our neighbors to the left, and their home is a bit lower in elevation than ours. We told everyone over a year ago when landscapers would come in the spring to build the fence. They came Monday to start building and it looks lovely.

Yesterday, our neighbor mom of the six kids came crying (literally) to me that she's devastated about this fence because her kids love our yard so much and they love running through it and as we are higher elevation, our fence makes it impossible to watch her kids from her lower yard. She is 'shocked' she wasn't consulted about the design. Her DH called my DH to demand we take it down.

DH and I refused. We know we are within our rights by law to this fence. Everyone ELSE already has a garden fence. We aren't responsible for accommodating her parenting needs. We desire more privacy, rabbit-free garden and a boundary to keep kids from plants. Should we give in to demands to keep the peace? She's obviously distressed, but her DH has been a jerk in the past, so we fear this is clouding our position to stay firm.

You come across like the most patient neighbour ever, op. I can't believe you're dven considering her demand!

What did she actually say to you?

British attitudes to fences are different but if everyone already has a fence i can’t see the problem.

If she or her husband raise it again, you need to tell them your property is not a public space and you don't actually want her children running around it and you won't be changing your mind.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Tell them to fuck off. Cheeky bastards.

Imagine the level of entitlement, thinking you can demand your neighbour takes down their fence so you can see through their garden into their neighbours garden. Unbelievable.

Does she sometimes shout over to you when you're gardening asking you to move a bit because you're blocking her view? She's like a character from curb your enthusiasm.

We had a similar issue about ten years ago - we wanted to put up a fence to keep out rabbits, and other people's dogs and uninvited children. And we too had a neighbour who came up to us crying about it and asking us to remove it. She wasn't even next door! She was next door but one.

The fence went up, and it's still there. She got over it eventually!

With six kids, I'm sure she loved having double the size of garden (half of it looked after & paid for by someone else) for them to run about in.

It's not your problem that putting up your fence means she only has the garden which actually belongs to her, the CF.

With the husband, I'd just explain firmly that you want privacy & security. End of story, no arguments, nothing to discuss.

Yesterday, our neighbor mom of the six kids came crying (literally) to me that she's devastated about this fence because her kids love our yard so much and they love running through it and as we are higher elevation, our fence makes it impossible to watch her kids from her lower yard. She is 'shocked' she wasn't consulted about the design. Her DH called my DH to demand we take it down.

If my neighbour started crying because her kids weren't allowed to wreck my garden any more and her DH 'demanded' we take down our fence, it would make me want to erect a 2m brick wall with barbed wire and a watchtower manned 24/7 by a trained sniper.

OP, your neighbours are completely nuts and I would probably just laugh at them if they say anything again.

Are you in the UK OP?

I ask because when we lived in the US, there was a very different approach to boundaries between gardens (yards) - no-one had hard boundaries and it was very normal for kids to run and play over everyone's yards. In fact most neighbourhoods had local rules forbidding fencing (even safety fencing around swimming pools was highly controversial, which seemed crazy) It seemed weird at first but we got used to it and rather liked it by the end.

I'd say in the UK though having boundary fencing is very much the norm?

That this fence will make her life miserable and that she doesn't know what she'll do. She said she'll feel cut off from everyone. But isn't that the point of privacy? That's what we want.

I'm in an urban area so fences are more the norm here, but I know what you mean in places in the US...she's from a state where that open boundaries is more the norm, but here it's far less common.

We have open plan front gardens on our street which I love, but would hate the same for the back garden. Nothing unreasonable about putting up a fence.

Tell her in the U.K. we wouldn’t buy a house with an open plan back garden!
of course you don’t take it down, enjoy your lovely garden!

What would they do if one of the children were to have an accident on your land because of something you had left in the garden?

LOL!

Entitled was my first thought when she told me she couldn't believe they weren't consulted on the design...should I consult her when I put up new curtains in the windows facing her?!?!?

'What did she actually say to you?

That this fence will make her life miserable and that she doesn't know what she'll do. She said she'll feel cut off from everyone.'

Yeah, that's really not your problem to solve. Especially when, according to your excellent diagram, everyone else's garden is already fenced off. Your garden is not some kind of public play area. It's yours.

My flabber is gasted. What a crazy couple.

glad you like the new fence and enjoy the privacy OP.

Fellow American here. In my experience neighborhoods with smaller lots tend to have fences, but it's totally up to you. In the NYC suburb I'm in some people have them and some don't. It's fine either way.

Tell your neighbor that she won't have to watch her kids in your yard once the fence goes up as they won't be in your yard.

The reasons she wants to keep it open, are exactly the same reasons you want it fenced!

@Delphinium20

I'm in the US and 6 ft fences and brick walls are so 'normal' in my part of the country (West Coast) that I can't believe someone actually complained, let alone demanded that you remove it! I will say that when I was in the Midwest there were lots of backyards with no fences. It looked odd to me.

Obviously YANBU. And as far as 'consulting' on the design, the only time we ever 'consulted' with a neighbor was when we were going 'half-sies' on paying for a new fence after an old one was destroyed when a tree fell on it.

Maybe get a sound system, tikki bar and sex pond too OP 🤣

YANBU at all. Enjoy your garden.

Her free range kids are probably the reason your neighbours have nice high fenced in gardens! 😂 YANBU at all!

She’s off her head

She has an overdeveloped sense of entitlement to your garden