To Not Give in to Neighbor's Request for Fence Change?

[Delphinium20]

Need some advice, and apologies for long post, but details needed.

We bought our house a few years ago and have been making garden improvements including walkway, new patio, landscaping and new, modern shed. Neighbors on both sides say how lovely each improvement is, how nice to have someone take care of old house, etc. DH and I are avid gardeners (even written up in local garden articles).

We have two teen DDs, younger DD sometimes plays with neighbor kids to the left of us. This family has six children under age 11 and have their own garden fence. To the right of us are two homes who share a fence (not w/ us). Neighbor kids from both sides run through our yard to play and sometimes have trampled our plants. While we politely remind them to be careful, I don't expect little ones to always remember (I'm not angry w/ children being children!).We have a lot of rabbits in our area and they've destroyed a number of our beloved plants (even ate the rose bushes). Essentially, we are the only house w/out a fence around our garden, sooo...we planned a garden fence of roughly 1.5 m that would contain our garden, and also form a natural boundary so kids won't run through. We have an open front garden (and front walkway) that kids can still use to get from one house to the next, so we aren't cutting anyone off from visiting friends.

We own the drive that separates us from our neighbors to the left, and their home is a bit lower in elevation than ours. We told everyone over a year ago when landscapers would come in the spring to build the fence. They came Monday to start building and it looks lovely.

Yesterday, our neighbor mom of the six kids came crying (literally) to me that she's devastated about this fence because her kids love our yard so much and they love running through it and as we are higher elevation, our fence makes it impossible to watch her kids from her lower yard. She is 'shocked' she wasn't consulted about the design. Her DH called my DH to demand we take it down.

DH and I refused. We know we are within our rights by law to this fence. Everyone ELSE already has a garden fence. We aren't responsible for accommodating her parenting needs. We desire more privacy, rabbit-free garden and a boundary to keep kids from plants. Should we give in to demands to keep the peace? She's obviously distressed, but her DH has been a jerk in the past, so we fear this is clouding our position to stay firm.

diagram (yes, I knew better and should have had it ready!)

How did you not laugh in her face? She's nuts! Stand firm!

my kids love your Garden - lol umm thanks, we do too!

yes. We have fences here too (varies depending on neighborhood) but I used meters to make it easier for all (we have a stupid measuring system in the states).

Lovely diagram. - fence it all off no question, for your own security if not for the plants. Surprised you haven’t had a family park and proceed to have a picnic!!

She's "devastated" you put a fence up. She needs to get a grip. Seriously?

no communal land, no covenant. Totally above board.

Omg I would be so tempted to send her a link to this thread 😂😂

but no, seriously, don’t - that would probably cause all out war!

Massive sympathies for you - can’t think of any good compromises that don’t include her minding her own business!

We have a similar situation ongoing, we have a post and wire fence separating us from NDN, for various reason (privacy and dog) we intend to change it to a drystone wall, neighbours whose house is exactly North of ours, and both house have gardens sloping down to house, aren't happy as it will reduce light in their house/garden.

I'm politely standing firm as I feel it is legally my right and socially a normal and reasonable expectation to have some sort of solid boundary up to 2m between back gardens (it definitely won't be solid up to 2m in our case).

It's frustrating when the old adage "good fences make good neighbours" seems not to apply in your own case.

However, in our case will be including a couple of little slate steps to form a stile for our kids/NDN kids to get between the gardens.

Don't budge, at all. Fence it off.

No way you are within your right and you spend so much time planting and looking after your lovely garden, it sounds like she is a lazy parent and can't be arsed watching her kids properly. It will be great to have your privacy and to relax and enjoy yr own garden without kids running through it all the time, I love kids but that would drive me nuts. Enjoy your privacy and calmly tell her you are within your rights and to enjoy your own garden and to keep the rabbits out.

I initially liked the idea of kids having thru access, but the reality for us meant every day non-stop traffic. I had already told DD to use front garden and knock on doors to play...so would like similar behavior in kind.

Unless there is a wayleave/right of access/public footpath etc in the Deeds then her kids (or her) have no right whatsoever to come onto your property trampling your plants down.

You have been more than reasonable up to now, so stick to your guns.

Kudos to you for setting real boundaries.

no right of access in deeds. They can have right of access to use driveway, which we, of course, have no issue with.

Tell her to fuck off and grow up.

That might be a bit too much, you seem more reasonable than me.

So when their DCs are on your land, they want to be able to look out and see them? If they need them in sight then they need to tell them they need to stay in their own garden.

Totally understand. It should have read kid/NDN kid (but predictive text decided I have more). So only 2 kids involved in our case, and we are very rural so extras are generally infrequent and prearranged.

Oh, and it's my dog who tramples my flowers and eats my roses anyway (chews them to a stump over the winter if he gets the chance).

Of course you don't give in. They are being ridiculous.

She's shocked that she wasn't consulted?😂

Is she on here Op-someone has voted YABU!

very doubtful she's on here...but part of me wishes she were.

Put the fence up!!! And make sure it’s difficult to climb over.

NDN is upset because her dc can no longer use YOUR private garden & instead need to use their own? Massive CF.

Sell tickets with time slots for the neighbours children to play in your garden. 😊

Defo American OP with use of mom and neighbor.

She is crazy, of course you need a fence.

I would tell her it’s a security risk not having a fence and your insurance have questioned the lack of fenced access to your property. So to maintain a secure boundary you need the fence. Sorry not sorry!

That would drive me nuts having neighbours kids running through my garden.

I put a fence around the corner of my garden to stop the kids running through my front garden (and adults who us it as a short cut). Nobody has complained but even if they had I wouldn't take it down. It's my property and people should respect that with or without a fence. Your neighbour shouldn't have her kids out playing if she can't monitor them and they definitely shouldn't be in your garden.