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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Not Give in to Neighbor's Request for Fence Change?

190 replies

Delphinium20 · 14/06/2022 15:40

Need some advice, and apologies for long post, but details needed.

We bought our house a few years ago and have been making garden improvements including walkway, new patio, landscaping and new, modern shed. Neighbors on both sides say how lovely each improvement is, how nice to have someone take care of old house, etc. DH and I are avid gardeners (even written up in local garden articles).

We have two teen DDs, younger DD sometimes plays with neighbor kids to the left of us. This family has six children under age 11 and have their own garden fence. To the right of us are two homes who share a fence (not w/ us). Neighbor kids from both sides run through our yard to play and sometimes have trampled our plants. While we politely remind them to be careful, I don't expect little ones to always remember (I'm not angry w/ children being children!).We have a lot of rabbits in our area and they've destroyed a number of our beloved plants (even ate the rose bushes). Essentially, we are the only house w/out a fence around our garden, sooo...we planned a garden fence of roughly 1.5 m that would contain our garden, and also form a natural boundary so kids won't run through. We have an open front garden (and front walkway) that kids can still use to get from one house to the next, so we aren't cutting anyone off from visiting friends.

We own the drive that separates us from our neighbors to the left, and their home is a bit lower in elevation than ours. We told everyone over a year ago when landscapers would come in the spring to build the fence. They came Monday to start building and it looks lovely.

Yesterday, our neighbor mom of the six kids came crying (literally) to me that she's devastated about this fence because her kids love our yard so much and they love running through it and as we are higher elevation, our fence makes it impossible to watch her kids from her lower yard. She is 'shocked' she wasn't consulted about the design. Her DH called my DH to demand we take it down.

DH and I refused. We know we are within our rights by law to this fence. Everyone ELSE already has a garden fence. We aren't responsible for accommodating her parenting needs. We desire more privacy, rabbit-free garden and a boundary to keep kids from plants. Should we give in to demands to keep the peace? She's obviously distressed, but her DH has been a jerk in the past, so we fear this is clouding our position to stay firm.

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 16/06/2022 17:02

Lincslady53 · 15/06/2022 22:16

Is there a covenant on the property saying that your garden must be open? It may be different outside the UK, but here there are often clauses on deeds restricting some things such as fences.

No. Our fence is perfectly legal.

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 16/06/2022 17:05

Fraaahnces · 16/06/2022 10:30

Yep… I’m an Aussie and totally able to separate the cultural differences and the concept.

For those with comprehension issues, OP lives in USA. She lives in a house with a big garden that is unfenced one side. Neighbour has been encouraging her kids to roam free, giving zero shits about the damage done to OP’s much-loved garden. OP politely informed Neighbour that she intended to build a fence. (Zero kid-shaming and blaming.) Neighbour is now upset as her herd of wildebeests will now be corralled into a much smaller space, and OP will be able to enjoy the peaceful enjoyment of her own garden. (The one currently being labeled “Our Garden” by entitled Neighbour.
it’s not rocket science. Building a fence is the only way to go. There are no legal reasons why this is not possible. Neighbour is now trying to enlist the sympathy of the contractor hired by OP to lower the height of the fence by crying at the poor sap who just turned up to do a job he’s being paid for.

Thank you! You show that all cultures understand entitled behavior.

Love the nod to wildebeests...that was hilarious.

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 16/06/2022 17:07

Youmeandthem · 16/06/2022 14:04

Sorry you’re not happy but I’m looking forward to being able to sunbathe topless out there :-)

LOL!

OP posts:
ifIwerenotanandroid · 16/06/2022 20:39

Abitofalark · 15/06/2022 23:48

You are being unreasonable posting on this forum asking for advice rather than an American one, since way of life and living next to neighbours, property laws, fencing customs, rules and social assumptions and norms are all different.

A CF is a CF the world over.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 16/06/2022 20:46

Mirw · 16/06/2022 16:44

Tell her you will take it down so she can see her feral children but only if she oats you £200 a month for insurance (in case of her chiltmren having an accident in your garden), new plants and grass where her children hqve caused damage. And you want it up front for the year - £2400. She will change her tune. Friend had similar problem and neighbour was given this option and decided fence was a great idea.

Same idea (can't remember where I read this story):

Wedding dress shop customer is ignoring their small child who's got their hands all over a dress which is on a mannequin.

Shop assisant: Please stop your child doing that.
Mother: They're only little, they're just playing.
SA: Yes, but please stop them in case the dress gets damaged.
Mother: They're not doing any harm.
SA: If they damage the dress you'll have to have to buy it.
Mother to child: GET AWAY FROM THAT DRESS!!!

Cansheblockitin · 04/09/2022 12:37

hiw are neighbourly relations now @Delphinium20 ?

Capricapri · 04/09/2022 14:26

Build the fence.

Just tell her " We want our privacy. You telling me not build my fence is like. a stranger telling you not to have any curtains in your bedroom so someone can look in."

Delphinium20 · 04/09/2022 21:44

Cansheblockitin · 04/09/2022 12:37

hiw are neighbourly relations now @Delphinium20 ?

Relations are cool, I'd say...but OMG, how much do we LOVE this fence. It's changed so much. The rabbits are gone, there's a sense of ease and peace we never had before. I hadn't realized how much the psychology of always being a run-through public space meant we never really relaxed at home, inside or out. Now, it's so much better. Funny, the children have figured out how to use cross in the front law and use the sidewalk. Also, my daughters have had so many more friends over in the garden and they enjoy the privacy as well. We LOVE IT!!! Thanks MN!!!

Also, did you see this? www.newsweek.com/mom-demand-removal-neighbors-yard-fence-1716141 A MN reader sent it to me.

OP posts:
DoYouWantDecking · 05/09/2022 08:50

@Delphinium20 What a brilliant result. I'm so pleased for you.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/09/2022 17:15

Lovely to hear how much your new fence is adding to your family's pleasure in your garden, @Delphinium20.

giveovernate · 05/09/2022 18:02

@Delphinium20 great news!

Cruisebabe1 · 07/09/2022 18:27

MigsandTiggs · 14/06/2022 16:58

Defo American OP with use of mom and neighbor.

Perhaps critics of the words mom and neighbor should learn how to spell definitely?

Tiani4 · 09/09/2022 13:35

Brilliant news @Delphinium20

OMG, how much do we LOVE this fence. It's changed so much. The rabbits are gone, there's a sense of ease and peace we never had before. I hadn't realized how much the psychology of always being a run-through public space meant we never really relaxed at home, inside or out. Now, it's so much better

Ah. Privacy and your own back garden
Good

NovaDeltas · 09/09/2022 13:40

"My kids love fucking up your lawn and I love not caring for them."

What a daft bint. She'll have to parent now, so sad.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/09/2022 14:14

Neighbour is upset as now their kids can’t play in your garden due to fence

can’t they play in their own garden

I’m almost at the biscuit stage

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