To Not Give in to Neighbor's Request for Fence Change?

[Delphinium20]

Need some advice, and apologies for long post, but details needed.

We bought our house a few years ago and have been making garden improvements including walkway, new patio, landscaping and new, modern shed. Neighbors on both sides say how lovely each improvement is, how nice to have someone take care of old house, etc. DH and I are avid gardeners (even written up in local garden articles).

We have two teen DDs, younger DD sometimes plays with neighbor kids to the left of us. This family has six children under age 11 and have their own garden fence. To the right of us are two homes who share a fence (not w/ us). Neighbor kids from both sides run through our yard to play and sometimes have trampled our plants. While we politely remind them to be careful, I don't expect little ones to always remember (I'm not angry w/ children being children!).We have a lot of rabbits in our area and they've destroyed a number of our beloved plants (even ate the rose bushes). Essentially, we are the only house w/out a fence around our garden, sooo...we planned a garden fence of roughly 1.5 m that would contain our garden, and also form a natural boundary so kids won't run through. We have an open front garden (and front walkway) that kids can still use to get from one house to the next, so we aren't cutting anyone off from visiting friends.

We own the drive that separates us from our neighbors to the left, and their home is a bit lower in elevation than ours. We told everyone over a year ago when landscapers would come in the spring to build the fence. They came Monday to start building and it looks lovely.

Yesterday, our neighbor mom of the six kids came crying (literally) to me that she's devastated about this fence because her kids love our yard so much and they love running through it and as we are higher elevation, our fence makes it impossible to watch her kids from her lower yard. She is 'shocked' she wasn't consulted about the design. Her DH called my DH to demand we take it down.

DH and I refused. We know we are within our rights by law to this fence. Everyone ELSE already has a garden fence. We aren't responsible for accommodating her parenting needs. We desire more privacy, rabbit-free garden and a boundary to keep kids from plants. Should we give in to demands to keep the peace? She's obviously distressed, but her DH has been a jerk in the past, so we fear this is clouding our position to stay firm.

I might have calculated wrong in the meters, but our fence is roughly 4.5 feet...so even SHORTER than some fences where you live. And yes, where we live 6 foot fences are common enough that every block will have at least 3 or 4 minimum. It's a mix of lower fences, no fences and 6 footers).

Tell her you need the fence to keep your new 11 stone Old English Gnasherhound, Brutus, safely contained - breeder insisted on it.

our fence makes it impossible to watch her kids from her lower yard

how? When her kids are in her yard, they'll be perfectly easy to see.

she doesn't need to be able to see into your yard because they won't be in it.

I can’t understand why there was every any doubt over who the unreasonable one is?

YANBU. Although I did consult with a neighbour when we put up a fence, just out of politeness. She then proceeded to offer several unwanted suggestions/requests and kind of tried to take ownership of it, which was a bit CF. I've learned to just nod vaguely and ignore for the most part.

To be clear they’re demanding that their kids can have access to your private garden? And that you have no privacy because it’s inconvenient to her?

She’s a CF who can’t stop her kids trampling someone else’s garden. She can get off her arse and watch her kids and make her own garden look nice if her kids love it so much.

You mention ‘keep the peace’ with some woman who has six kids? She clearly hates peace! Openly laugh at her, the fucking cheek of her.

YANBU she is a CF of the highest order but I won’t vote until I see a diagram !

id ask her to look into which design of fence she'd like and can afford as she will have to pay for the replacement - until she can provide something you both agree on, the fence stays put

change upsets people, good or bad change is something a lot of people can't cope with.

This neighbour has gotten used to watching her children play in your garden and I expect its like an extension to her own, now suddenly she has realised whats she has lost and wants it back. so giving her a suggestion in the mean time may help and she will get used to the change and not do anything about the changes

here you go

Is this some sort of joke or parody? Why on earth would they think they have a right to dictate what fence you should or shouldn't build?

When I grew up in America fences were banned by the neighbourhood association. Everyone mowed their own patch (which was checked to ensure it was the desired height but the association) but nobody minded playing between. It isn’t that unusual of a set up to have no fences!

I think results of the vote make your position clear.

You’ve given advance notice of this and are entitled to a boundary fence.

If she wants more space for her kids to run around then she needs to buy a house with a bigger private garden.

If she brings it up again in a similar fashion, I’d ask if “supervising her kids” while they were trashing your garden. I’d then state that it sounds like she was admitting liability for damage to your property and that the repair bill AND fence costs might end up het responsibility.

"she's devastated about this fence because her kids love our yard so much and they love running through it"

It's your yard. YOURS. Not theirs. Build the fence.

WTF... Looking at the diagram, she should be thanking you for securing her garden..

Spelling is American too.

nah...you need a Tripehound called Gnasher a la Dennis The Menace (British Variant- not the pale US version)

for US audience

Extraordinary. I can imagine that she might be (unreasonably) annoyed and have a private moan to her husband about it... but to think that you are going to arrange your property to suit her and her children's needs??

You are a saint, but a saint making a HUGE mistake only going 4.5 ft high....if I'm reading it right?

You need to go a solid 6ft to keep them out.

At a lesser height they will be climbing and hanging over it.

Bad move.

I can't WAIT for my new fence to go up this month after 12 years of other things taking financial priority. Currently always at eye level with Scotty McChumsSlacks who NEVER...GOES...OUT.

As someone else has mentioned, it's common to have unfenced gardens in the US, and sometimes it's not allowed. Some housing developments have very strict rules about what is and what isn't allowed, even down to what you are allowed to plant in your garden.

What I've noticed here is that no one seems to mind if you put up a fence because you have a dog. Perhaps tell your neighbours that you are getting some Pitbull puppies (if they're not banned in your county) or other similar kid-unfriendly breed, and you're worried that their kids might not be safe. Then say that you are waiting for the puppies to be born when they ask where the dogs are.

We had a similar issue. It began when our small children played with the kids next door on either side and it suited three young families to have gates between the gardens. The children were polite, responsible, closed the gates, there were never any problems
Those kids all grew up, new families moved in on both sides and just assumed their small children could use the old gates to cross our garden. These two sets of children vandalised our plants and trees, left gates open (letting our dogs and livestock out), hit our dogs with sticks. The final straw was , I heard a racket on our land and found the boy next door and his mate vandalising our water supply tank. I took him back to his mother, her response was
"Did you do it?"

"No Mummy."
"He didn't do it."
"I saw him doing it".
"I believe my son".
That night, the gate on their side was torn off its hinges and thrown on the ground. We said nothing, just took the gate away, joined up the stock fences again and planted hawthorn hedge. No more access. The furious mother said we had stolen their childrens freedom and independence "and you didn't even consult us".

I do wonder about this...I'm thinking we might wish for the 6 footer...but the way it's designed, we could add height in the future.