To Not Give in to Neighbor's Request for Fence Change?

[Delphinium20]

Need some advice, and apologies for long post, but details needed.

We bought our house a few years ago and have been making garden improvements including walkway, new patio, landscaping and new, modern shed. Neighbors on both sides say how lovely each improvement is, how nice to have someone take care of old house, etc. DH and I are avid gardeners (even written up in local garden articles).

We have two teen DDs, younger DD sometimes plays with neighbor kids to the left of us. This family has six children under age 11 and have their own garden fence. To the right of us are two homes who share a fence (not w/ us). Neighbor kids from both sides run through our yard to play and sometimes have trampled our plants. While we politely remind them to be careful, I don't expect little ones to always remember (I'm not angry w/ children being children!).We have a lot of rabbits in our area and they've destroyed a number of our beloved plants (even ate the rose bushes). Essentially, we are the only house w/out a fence around our garden, sooo...we planned a garden fence of roughly 1.5 m that would contain our garden, and also form a natural boundary so kids won't run through. We have an open front garden (and front walkway) that kids can still use to get from one house to the next, so we aren't cutting anyone off from visiting friends.

We own the drive that separates us from our neighbors to the left, and their home is a bit lower in elevation than ours. We told everyone over a year ago when landscapers would come in the spring to build the fence. They came Monday to start building and it looks lovely.

Yesterday, our neighbor mom of the six kids came crying (literally) to me that she's devastated about this fence because her kids love our yard so much and they love running through it and as we are higher elevation, our fence makes it impossible to watch her kids from her lower yard. She is 'shocked' she wasn't consulted about the design. Her DH called my DH to demand we take it down.

DH and I refused. We know we are within our rights by law to this fence. Everyone ELSE already has a garden fence. We aren't responsible for accommodating her parenting needs. We desire more privacy, rabbit-free garden and a boundary to keep kids from plants. Should we give in to demands to keep the peace? She's obviously distressed, but her DH has been a jerk in the past, so we fear this is clouding our position to stay firm.

Think that’s a really good excuse about the dog

So she disputes your fence because she can no longer see her kids playing in your garden?
If so, her kids shouldn't be in your garden and it sounds like you have been more than tolerant.

Oh dear, she just came out to the garden and was crying to our contractor, asking how it would look if it were shorter. I really didn't want to engage, but poor fence man. I just said, "I think it looks nice, and it's what DH and I designed." I apologized to him after she left and said to please ignore her and come back tomorrow. Very, very inappropriate, right? Ugh...I hate this. It's getting stupider.

but you have to engage. You employed him, so you should say "please don't bother my contractor".

Bigger fence needed. She's a nut!

The spelling of neighbo(u)r gave it away, but not the use of Mom.
Mom is what’s used where I live in England too.

OP, you are totally nbu - your neighbour definitely is.

They are a pair of entitled CF. Hold firm, if she was that worried about her children she should keep them in her own garden!

They're batshit.

Is it too late to change to the 6 foot?

I'd put up a few cameras too to make sure they aren't climbing on it or it gets knocked down.

Oh brother!!!

I'd go higher than 4.5 ft. My cousin had a 5 ft brick wall at the back of her yard and the town decided to put a pedestrian path right next to it. Constant looky-loos. So they screwed sections of 18 inch pointed wooden slats to the top of the brickwork to regain their privacy.

If your neighbor's yard is lower than yours I wouldn't think you'd have to worry about being 'overlooked' from their house. It's whether or not her kids are going to hang over the top of the fence to gawk or climb over it to use the 'short cut'. You can bet she won't be discouraging them from doing so.

Oh yes, I'm American (maybe should have said that).

I suspect another reason for her melodrama. I bet she’s been lying to all her friends and family by saying that it was HER yard and now they’re going to realise they’ve been lied to and she’s going to look pretentious as well as stupid.

That's all flim-flam her asking how it would look if it were shorter. She isn't thinking about appearances at all: she's wondering what height would stop her kids from easily jumping over to keep using your garden and, as long as it's below that (and thus completely ineffective in your requirements for having it in the first place), she might very grudgingly 'accept' it (like she has any say in the matter anyway).

Actually, that's probably the worst-case scenario from her pov - she's likely hoping to 'negotiate' it lower and lower and lower until it gets down to zero inches high and you feel worn down into just giving up on the idea.

It would be interesting to see whether she leaves her own land unfenced, once you've got yours up. The tale as things stand is that 'only unreasonable people feel the need to put up a fence', which 'co-incidentally' works massively in her family's favor; but once she's the only one left who might risk having other neighbors' kids treating her garden as their own, with no pay-off benefit for her kids, she might suddenly change her tune and get a fence up in next to no time.

She reminds me of the OP of a great (and long) CF thread from some time ago, who had a 'friend' who expected to be able to frequently come over to her house to smoke, as she didn't want her own house to stink from her own smoke - even though OP/nobody in OP's household actually smoked!!

It takes a very special kind of CF to genuinely believe it reasonable to make you suffer solely from their unreasonable behavior - specifically so that they don't have to suffer from it!

@pastaandpesto

I’m in California. Fences are very much the norm, and fencing around one’s pool is the law I believe, and has been for many years.

We were in the Midwest - probably accounts for the differences in approaches! The pool thing I found particularly horrifying!

Have a quiet word with your contractor. Explain the situation and ask about getting a taller fence. He will see she is crazy….
She will be encouraging her kids to climb over your fence so you need to go as high as you can to give you privacy.

This is one of the most bonkers things I've ever read! Actually crying about your fence?!? You definitely need to make sure that you go to a height that will simply not allow for anyone to jump over. Have you said to her that you're actually stopping the children having free access to your garden on purpose to regain your privacy?

This is one of the most bonkers things I've ever read! Actually crying about your fence?

Isn't it nice though that this is the worst thing in her life? Either she had a very charmed existence or something terrible is going on and she's projecting onto this fence.

The first makes me smile, the second deserves sympathy.

Still entirely batshit either way!

She sounds absolutely mental, it’s your garden you do what you want with it, you have no responsibility for her parenting needs. Some people are just batshit and entitled

Let her know somewhere along the way that you’re putting up the fence—and it’s EXPENSIVE! BTW—mostly because HER kids have been running through your property and trampling the plants and it’s been a nightmare and a headache because you spent so much time and money on your beloved garden, etc.etc.Tell her you’ve asked them politely to stop and they haven’t, so you’re putting up the fence BECAUSE of them.

This should problem end any kvetching on her part. It might even elicit an apology you’re had to put up the fence. If it DOESN’T, then you’ll know what kind of neighbors they really are, and that you absolutely are doing the right thing, and that—like someone else here has said—you should build that fence as high as legally possible.

What if you fenced of the flower sections on to preserve then areas but leave the other areas open, would that have been possible if you had not gone with full enclosure ?

Thus giving the neighbour even more idea that their kids have a right to use the garden as a through-way. Ehhh no.

And make sure he knows that she has no say in the matter. I can visualize her telling him that you'd agreed to lower it (though hopefully he'd check with you first)

She has NO BUSINESS talking to your contractor about his job. If she does it again, tell them BOTH that.

You need to post a picture if your lovely fence when finished!
she has fence one side of her garden so it’s batshit