To "let" 17yo dd go away for a night with her boyfriend?

[Anothernamechangeplease]

DD and her boyfriend are both 17. Both lovely, both very sensible and emotionally mature, very sweet towards each other. They were friends for years before they got together, and their relationship is very stable and drama-free. I like him a lot, and I can see that dd is clearly very happy and at ease when she is with him.

They are planning an overnight trip in the summer. One or two nights in a youth hostel. DD has been away with friends before and I have been fine with this. I have no concerns about her going with her boyfriend.

My friend thinks I'm crazy to 'let her go' and insists that they are 'too young'. I disagree. They will both be adults next year.

AIBU?

Not at all.

I was with my DP from 15. At 16bwe went abroad with my family and had our own room. At 17 we were minding his mums house alone for a fortnight whilst she was on holiday.

As far I can tell, the only issue for you here is if you are happy for them to have sex. If they are already in a sexual relationship then I am not sure what the significance is of them going away for a night or two.

They're both adults now, never mind next year. You cant actually stop them going so I think its a pointless debate. Your daughter hasnt, by the sounds of it, asked your permission. She has notified you of her plans. End of.

Why does it matter what your friend thinks?

Your friend’s the unreasonable one.

Only you know your daughter and as you say she is 18 next year. She could have lied to you and said going with friends but she didn't. If you are comfortable with the situation it is no-one elses business.

My parents allowed me to go on holiday when I was 17 and my BF was 22. I'm 29 now, he's 34, happy and married. It's not always bad or "too young" or has to end up in teenage pregnancy or so. Trust your gut and make your decision.

my Daughter is almost 17 and I’d say no. This time next year when she’s almost 18 it would be a yes, in the situation you describe.

Nope. I wouldn’t.

I guess the 'friends' are worried about them having sex. They do know that you can have sex anywhere, it doesn't just happen on weekends away.

They're of legal age to consent.
They're nearly adults.

You'd be unreasonable to say no.

As a Pp said, they've notified you of their plans, not asked permission.

I was going on holiday abroad with boyfriend at 17. Similar relationship to your dd.

It’s fine. What’s the difference between going away with friends and going with a boyfriend? It’s a youth hostel, it’s in the U.K. It all sounds very safe.

I'm fine with that. We have talked extensively about contraception, consent etc. She knows what she wants and I'm not concerned that she will be under pressure to do anything that she doesn't want to do. And tbh, they have plenty of opportunity to have sex without going away if that's what they want to do.

Who’s paying for it?

We seem to be going backwards. I am I my 50's, people used to leave school at 16 get full time jobs and live on their own. Does she realise that 16 is the age of consent, most children are deemed able to make decisions on their medical care from 13 and medical professionals won't discuss your children with you. Your add could leave home if she wanted. Does she have children herself?

Actually, she did ask if I would be OK with it, and I said yes. I'm not going to change my mind, I was just surprised by my friend's shocked reaction.

I went to Spain for a week with a friend at 17! Not one I was having sex with but as you say that's not hugely relevant.

I would let her go you like her boyfriend which is good. My advice may be different if you did not like him.

Absolutely.
None of her business either. None of what you have posted makes me feel uneasy at all.

I do t think the YHA will allow two unaccompanied under 18's to stay.

My dd went to France with a small group of school friends for a week aged 17. They sourced the accommodation themselves, paid for the trip themselves. She didn’t ask my permission, she just said this what’s what she was doing.

It doesn't, really, I was just curious as to whether other people might share her views. It makes no difference to my feelings about their trip.

At 17 I lived with my bf...

It’s fine. 16+ is their age limit.