To "let" 17yo dd go away for a night with her boyfriend?

[Anothernamechangeplease]

DD and her boyfriend are both 17. Both lovely, both very sensible and emotionally mature, very sweet towards each other. They were friends for years before they got together, and their relationship is very stable and drama-free. I like him a lot, and I can see that dd is clearly very happy and at ease when she is with him.

They are planning an overnight trip in the summer. One or two nights in a youth hostel. DD has been away with friends before and I have been fine with this. I have no concerns about her going with her boyfriend.

My friend thinks I'm crazy to 'let her go' and insists that they are 'too young'. I disagree. They will both be adults next year.

AIBU?

If their relationship is how you say, and they're both sensible, l'd be happy to let my daughter go. As PP have said, they're technically legal, they don't need 'permission'. You don't need to go on holiday to have sex.
And it's nothing to do with your friend, or anyone else.

When l was going out with my (now ex) husband, we said we were going on holiday. My mother didn't speak to me for a month.
"What would people think?"
I was 26.....

Thank you all for your comments, including some very kind ones about me and/or dd. It has been interesting to read the responses so far.

It seems that most people share my view that what dd and her boyfriend are proposing is OK, but there have been a few who agree with my friend that they're too young or think that they haven't been together long enough or whatever. Fair enough. Everyone's views will be affected by their perceptions of their own dc's level of maturity at that age, or by experiences that they themselves had when they were younger etc. I'm sorry for those that had bad experiences when they were teenagers, especially if they felt pressured or coerced into doing stuff that they didn't want to do/ weren't ready for. That's rubbish, and I can understand how it would affect your thinking on this, even though I'm confident that dd's situation is different.

I understand the comments that dd and her boyfriend haven't been together for long, but I'm not really concerned about that personally. They have been good friends for ages and I know the boy and his family well. Itrus

This. Very odd, as is the raging snobbery.

Posted too soon!

I trust him to respect her wishes and I trust them both to handle any potential disagreements or problems in a mature and sensible manner. I think they will be fine.

I will of course have further conversations with dd before they go to ensure that we have covered all bases and that she knows what to do if something goes wrong. If the worst came to the worst, we have a close family friend very near to the city where they are going, and I know that they would be happy to help in a crisis!!

sally Except our children ARE going to festivals and holidays and hiking etc.

We are just advising differently re places to stay and speed of relationships.

I took my time with all of my boyfriends and it was many months before we considered intimacy, and it was a good strategy - and I still had an unpleasant experience but the rest were very good, so I think girls have to take care, and not to lose their autonomy in young relationships by getting in too deep emotionally or physically and over stretching. They have their whole lives ahead of them.

OP, you, your daughter, and her bf all sounds lovely, and I hope your DD and her boyfriend have a nice time away.

You honestly sound a little bit nuts

I think it is called standards dear, standards allthings

I was 17 when I went with my boyfriend to his parents caravan on our own!

I'm sure you can join the army at 16, so a few night away will be fine for a 17 year old ... just make sure she's got 'protection' and she'll be fine

I think your friend's attitude is the crazy one. You rightly trust and support such sensible and mature young adults as your daughter and her boyfriend . It's nonsense to think they are not old enough.

Haha course it is. You're a bloody hoot. I bet your kids don't tell you the half of it 😅

Luckily for me my dc are more discerning than we are, so I very much doubt it! But you keep trying to bring everyone down to your level allthings

You may be surprised to know some teenagers are worldly wise in 2022, and are not some scraggy kids hanging out on street corners eating chips and smoking.

I went youth hosteling with two boys for ten days when we were all 13. No adults. We were just friends though.

What?!

Wow! Didn't know that youth hostels would even allow such young kids to stay unaccompanied! I'm all in favour of supporting kids to be independent, but wouldn't have been happy with that at just 13!

Down to my level haha. And the level of literally everyone else but you you mean.

Who the fuck mentioned smoking on street corners? You sound deranged

It was in the early 1980s. Maybe parents were less cautious then?

Yanbu

My DD went away aged 16 camping with her friends which included 17 & 18 yo boys (who were protective and lovely tbf)

Age 17 she stayed in London (we don't live in London) in an Air B&B with her 18 yo Bf.

No worries, if you trust the bf and her to look after each other, then it's just have you had the "safe sex, consent and no pressure" talk which you clearly already have had!

Your friend is obviously a parent who feels for whatever reason that she cannot trust her own DD and is projecting that onto you.
Maybe your friends DD is a little less mature or might feel anxious? Maybe your friend is a mother who has strict rules and feels very (possibly over-) protective.

Regardless they are different DDs and you and your friend have different parenting styles on this. I differ from my BFF's parenting style. She

It's good that DD talked about it with you and asked. Sounds like you've a brilliant relationship.