To "let" 17yo dd go away for a night with her boyfriend?

[Anothernamechangeplease]

DD and her boyfriend are both 17. Both lovely, both very sensible and emotionally mature, very sweet towards each other. They were friends for years before they got together, and their relationship is very stable and drama-free. I like him a lot, and I can see that dd is clearly very happy and at ease when she is with him.

They are planning an overnight trip in the summer. One or two nights in a youth hostel. DD has been away with friends before and I have been fine with this. I have no concerns about her going with her boyfriend.

My friend thinks I'm crazy to 'let her go' and insists that they are 'too young'. I disagree. They will both be adults next year.

AIBU?

Sounds fine to me. They're over the age of consent, in an established relationship, and appear sensible.

I don't have kids but I'd worry more about her going with a gang of girls somewhere. She might have sex with a random stranger in that scenario, at least here's it's with her boyfriend.

Mine went away, they are nearly adults you can't stop them anyway. Far better to have a good relationship and them tell you what is going on rather than sneaking off

My husband and I were in our 40s when we met. His parents live a few hours away. Had we been asked to stay in separate rooms I don't think I would have visited to be honest. It would have felt like we were being treated like children. We weren't going there to have sex we were going to visit his parents.
Your house your choice.

Sounds like shes very mature and you have a good relationsip

my df would never have let me do it so i probably would have lied the fact your dd told you means you can both talk about these things openly

OP i hope they have a lovely time. They sound like sensible young adults

@JaneIsInsane highly doubt I’d have a 30 year old daughter unmarried with kids tbh. If I did I still wouldn’t put them up as I’d be even less happy with the situation

Barmy. I'm 32 and have 2 kids with my dp. I don't think we'd have much to do with you if you were my mum

I left home at 16 and was living with my bf at the time

Thank you, and yes, we are lucky that we do have a good relationship. I'm glad that she doesn't feel like she has to lie about stuff.

I have a LG myself. When she is aged 17, I am perfectly happy for her to do the same. I was young once myself, I'd rather she was happy to confide in me and ask how I feel, rather than me saying no and her trying to sneak off anyway and leaving no details. I want our relationship to be fully open and honest, as I had the opposite myself which led me to lead a questionable lifestyle from a younger age.

Jesus fucking Christ. Your poor dd

Thank you.

Yeah, I wasn't really able to talk to my parents about stuff when I was younger. Certainly not about relationships. I don't think they would have tried to control what I was doing, I think they would have just found it incredibly embarrassing. That sort of stuff wasn't talked about, and the first boyfriend I ever introduced to them was my now DH.

I’d also be fine with this and I actually had a similar conversation with my DD ( also 17) recently and I said that if she and her bf (17) wanted to go to the beach for a couple of days, I’d be fine with it.

Yesterday she told me that she’s thinking of breaking up with him though as he’s getting too serious …so I guess the trip won’t happen now. 😂

Bless her! It's good that she knows what she wants!

at 17 i went to v festival, Greece, Disneyland Paris and Austria with my then boyfriend, had been together 2 years. I'm not sure why it's seen as a bad thing? The sex? 17 not 13 they are consenting young people, it's not really anyone else's business if you know the boyfriend and he's a decent guy why not?

Yes, but I do feel bad for her bf. He’s in the throes of teenage lurve and she just doesn’t feel the same way. At least she’s not stringing him along.

Your friend is bonkers.

@MushroomQueen I think some people struggle with admitting their teenagers are having sex, even though they know it’s happening!

He's very decent - really considerate, caring and respectful towards my dd. Emotionally intelligent. Mature. Sensible. She chose well.

I’d be more grateful that she’s in a mutually respectful relationship and has planned a pleasant break away…. It’s hard but she is virtually an adult, and this is what adults do ….am more surprised at your friend’s reaction tbh.

i hope she has a lovely time.

I have no words

That's tough, but it's good that she is being honest about how she feels and not under pressure to reciprocate. Poor lad!

Thank you @658Doyouknowwheremysparkis .

I left home shortly after I turned 17 and managed to survive.

It sounds like you have a great relationship with your daughter and there is lots of mutual trust and respect so I'm sure she knows if anything goes wrong she can call you. I'm sure they'll both have a great time.

I think your friend may chang her mind as her children get older.