To "let" 17yo dd go away for a night with her boyfriend?

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DD and her boyfriend are both 17. Both lovely, both very sensible and emotionally mature, very sweet towards each other. They were friends for years before they got together, and their relationship is very stable and drama-free. I like him a lot, and I can see that dd is clearly very happy and at ease when she is with him.

They are planning an overnight trip in the summer. One or two nights in a youth hostel. DD has been away with friends before and I have been fine with this. I have no concerns about her going with her boyfriend.

My friend thinks I'm crazy to 'let her go' and insists that they are 'too young'. I disagree. They will both be adults next year.

AIBU?

Over 16s can leave home without the consent of their parents so you can’t stop her. Most kids here go to festivals after GCSEs at 16. I think a youth hostel break sounds far safer than camping or a festival. Better to be a supportive parent they listen to than a parent they hide things from. She could go anyway and pretend she was with other friends at least you know where she is and who she is with and she won’t be afraid to ring you if there are problems. I went travelling for a month at 17 in the days before mobile phones.

It's none of your friend's business and she's being weird about it. Totally normal for two 17-year-olds to go away together.

@Whoatealltheminieggs, why would you say no? Just curious.

My DD is almost 18 too and has been with her boyfriend for over a year. Most weekends, either he sleeps here on a Friday night or she sleeps at his parents house. Both here at at his house they sleep together in the same bed. This has been a regular arrangement since about February time. I know they’ve been in a sexual relationship since last year as she told me. they’re both keen to go to university so understand the importance of being careful. They are both great kids and making sensible decisions and of course, they’re both almost 2yrs past the age of consent. They’re planning a weekend away in Wales next month.

Actually, I'm pretty sure that my dd would respect my wishes if I said that I wasn't comfortable with it. She understands that I have her best interests at heart and would listen if I had genuine concerns, but I don't.

Surprised at your friends' reactions too - at 17 she's plenty old enough to go away for a night or two, during the time from when I was 16 and a half to my 18th birthday I went on 2 holidays abroad without parents and to 2 festivals.

I wonder if it's the idea of it being a 'couple' trip that your friend finds odd? As you say, they've plenty of opportunity to have sex and she's more than old enough to go away without parental supervision, so maybe your friend finds the 'adult' feel of a couple trip strange but... it's not, really, if they're in a relationship and none of the rest is new ground for them.

They are. They both have pt jobs.

And frankly, I’m far, far less comfortable about the fact my DD wants to drive to Wales (1.5h away) than I am about the fact she’ll be sleeping with her boyfriend when there.

Your friend is being ridiculous, both of mine did this at 17 and had a great time.

I did too at 16 - for three months working away for the summer after o levels!

Yes, she does, but slightly younger teens.

Some do, as dd stayed alone with some friends when she was on my 16.

Gosh, my mum lived and worked abroad for 3 months at 16! Your friend sounds bonkers.

She can leave home. She can work full time. Join the army. Drive a car. Leave the country without anyone batting an eyelid

Of course she can go on a trip. She could go alone. She could go with friends. She could go with a boyfriend.

Unless she has some additional needs that make her vulnerable then how would you even stop her?

Your friend is nuts .... 17!!!

I wouldn't have even asked my parents about this ... back in the mid 80s.

At 17 I would let her go yeah

Oh and mine are both lovely young adults one with a great job, other at uni. Both in stable relationships.

I did alright for myself too.

I really don't understand those dating they wouldn't allow it. The kids will end up resentful and maybe lying about their whereabouts and who they're with to avoid getting into trouble!

Went away with my now DH when I was 17. Speaking to mum years later, she said she was much happier when I went with him, than when I was with my friends!

At 17?? She's basically an adult! No wonder we have so many young adults entering the work place with no clue how to make decisions and be self reliant when they're treated like children at 17!

(Yes I know that's a bit of a tangent.. hit a nerve with some (majority) of youngsters currently entering my line of work who literally just are not ready for the world!)

We seem to be going backwards. I am I my 50's, people used to leave school at 16 get full time jobs and live on their own. Does she realise that 16 is the age of consent, most children are deemed able to make decisions on their medical care from 13 and medical professionals won't discuss your children with you. Your add could leave home if she wanted. Does she have children herself?

I agree with this to be honest. Not having a pop at you OP but in general i'm always very surprised by how many MNers are so against their pretty much grown-up kids having any freedom.

Yes, I think it's the idea of a "couple trip" that she finds shocking. She knows that dd has been away twice before with female friends and she didn't pass comment on either occasion. (Though for all she knew, those could have been "couple trips" in any case...even though they weren't.)

YANBU - my 17 yr old DS (will be almost 18) is going away for a week (and visiting three European countries outside the UK) with his (18 yr old) GF this summer. They've been staying over at each others homes for at least 6 months now and have been on lots of short trips together.
Does your friend have similar aged children? Got to admit I definitely wouldn't have predicted I would be so relaxed about this a couple of years ago.

Her oldest is 14.

@JaneIsInsane I wouldn’t be going for that scenario either. I won’t be providing a bed for my daughter to have sex with her boyfriend in until she’s married. It would make me uncomfortable in my own home.
In this situation as they’re paying for it themselves she can’t do much about it but I’d certainly voice concerns. At that age they can fall out easily and things can get fraught a long way from home.

Stop discussing your Dd’s business with your friend!

Come on. You know your Dd, you know your own mind.

I think this is fine. They are both legally able to consent and could well be going off to uni next year. It’s the perfect age for a trip like this.

Tbh, I would probably have thought similarly to your friend when my ds (pfb) was 14 - although I’d have kept it to myself. He’s 16 now and things have changed a lot since then!!! She’ll realise as her dc grow up a bit.

Would your main concern be that they might fall out?

DD never really falls out with people tbh. If she and her friends have had differences, they just talk and sort them out. Neither she nor the boyfriend are the type to argue... they are both very low drama.

But even if they did argue and decide that they didn't want to finish the trip together, I'm confident that dd would be fine on her own. She's capable, confident and independent.

I just can't really see what there is to be concerned about. I'm glad that most people seem to agree!!