To "let" 17yo dd go away for a night with her boyfriend?

[Anothernamechangeplease]

DD and her boyfriend are both 17. Both lovely, both very sensible and emotionally mature, very sweet towards each other. They were friends for years before they got together, and their relationship is very stable and drama-free. I like him a lot, and I can see that dd is clearly very happy and at ease when she is with him.

They are planning an overnight trip in the summer. One or two nights in a youth hostel. DD has been away with friends before and I have been fine with this. I have no concerns about her going with her boyfriend.

My friend thinks I'm crazy to 'let her go' and insists that they are 'too young'. I disagree. They will both be adults next year.

AIBU?

What if, shock horror, she never gets married!

Yes they will.

I just mentioned it in passing and was taken aback by her shocked response. As I said, I have no intention of changing my mind or trying to stop her. I was just curious to know whether her disapproval would be shared by other parents.

At 17 they should be sorting themselves out, making their own decisions and becoming independent. It really is doing them a disservice to try and stop them.
I hope they have a nice time away Op.

A group of us went to Newquay at 16 for 4 nights!

She will be fine. Your friends are odd.

That's interesting. Tbh, I can't really remember what I would have thought when dd was 14.

I wouldnt say no, I lived with my boyfriend at 17

Thank you! I'm sure they will!

Sex in a youth hostel might be a challenge! ... and if they are already at it, what difference does it make? Send them off with your blessing.

@SexyLittleNosferatu if she never gets married that’s fine by me.

Your friend’s eldest at 14 will be year 9 or 10. My dd is year 9 and I’m totally with you op. Maybe I spend too much time on mumsnet.

Oh for heaven’s sake, they’re away for 2 nights in the UK. At a Youth Hostel. Not in danger of being arrested by the Thai police or marooned with no money in rural China.

I feel sorry for your friends kids;sounds like they'll under house arrest with chastity belts on once they hit 16.

So if she moves in with her boyfriend, say a couple of hours away, they won't be staying with you for a visit if they're not married?

If doesn't matter of the OP is happy for them to be having sex;they are a year over the age of consent and can make their own choice there;they don't need their parents permission to have sex.

Well, exactly!

I was off travelling in Asia when I was a year older than dd, so it didn't occur to me to be worried about her going away for a night or two in the UK. Maybe as pp have said, it's just hard for her to imagine the big difference between a 14yo and a 17yo. They grow up a lot in those years.

I hope not!

I would want her to be legally recognised as an adult abroad before travelling without a parent.

They aren't leaving the UK though.

She doesn't need your permission.

It would be nice though for her to have your support.

She will already be having sex with him. So don't really know what the point would be of forbidding this trip other than damage to the relationship between you and her.

Ah they both sound lovely! I hope they have a brilliant time exploring and Youth Hostelling 👍

Your friend's reaction is very odd

@Itloggedmeoutagain of course but I wouldn’t be having them sleep together in my house. I’ve never slept with a partner in my parents’ home.

@Whoatealltheminieggs, so when your 30yrs old daughter who lives with her partner comes to visit, you’d insist they slept in a separate bed; even if they have children?

Of course, your house, your rules and you may feel that my choice is wrong but do you not worry that you’ll make your home unwelcoming for your adult children if they cannot share a room with their partners? FWIW, even now I’ve been married 20yrs I wouldn’t have sex in my PIL’s house even though they were always happy for us to share a bed. But then I no longer have the sex drive of a 17yr old.

Thank you @Kerrrmieee .