Can you dictate what people call your child? Or is that unreasonable?

[cocorum]

MIL keeps calling DD first and middle name, every time. Both long names. Sounds ridiculous. There's no hyphen. It's two names. In fact, she has three.

Can I ask her to stop ? Or is that mean ? I hate it. Child is a small baby.

It's a difficult one as once names are given they are sort of open to others to use shortenings/nicknames etc.

However, it's pretty weird to consistently refer to a child as their first and middle names - I'd bring it up, just casually like "You know it's not a double-barrelled first name? Her name is just X, and Y is her middle name, you don't need to call her both".

Hopefully it's just a misunderstanding.

How old is your daughter? You could try saying “oh, we just call her (first name), she might not respond if you call her (first and middle)”

It's absolutely not a misunderstanding. The names are so long. It's just because she wants to do it. As the middle one is a family name of hers.

My Nan did that to me her whole life, I remember it fondly. No one else ever called me the same thing. It was a nickname just for her.

A tiny tiny baby..

The thing is, she uses it when referring to baby with others as well. I don't want everyone to start doing it.

I was going to say no, but I think actually, this is one of those things that is really easily overthought, and you can in most cases.

When my baby was born, one of his grandparents kept calling him first name middle name. We’ve named him a full first name with an everyday name, and introduce him as that, so it seemed off… we mentioned it once or twice and it’s sorted now.

I’d do the same if anyone else did it, just a polite “Oh we call him XX”, and I’ve definitely heard other people do the same.

If she’s a small baby I’d probably leave it for now. I can’t imagine anyone still calling her Artemisia Persephone when she’s one. In general though, you don’t have any control over what people call your child. And less still when your child is old enough to have an opinion.

(It wasn’t a misunderstanding in our case with the grandparent either; they didn’t approve of the first name but slightly preferred the longer one, but a couple of blunt mentions and they’ve stopped so far).

I think MIL might turn around and say she can call her GC whatever she likes...

I also have a first child with three names. She never calls the first one by her first and middle name..

For me I wouldn’t really care, my DC1 is has my DFs name as middle name so if they referred to him as both I don’t think I’d be bothered. I would just always use his first name in conversation and on cards, invites, photos etc.

Would you be as frustrated with it if it was your family member versus it being an in law?

It's not hyphenated. It wasn't our intention to have people do that to the name. No matter who it is. Even a stranger etc. it's just not the name !

Sometimes I called DS by their 2 names, also my Mum and other family members.

It's just affectionate. Don't be so uptight about it.

My Grandad did this to me. He even put a hyphen in when writing cards. He also did it to one of my female cousins too. I have no idea why and don't recall my DM ever correcting him - I don't think she'd have dared! I'd already been given those names because he didn't like the name that had been chosen for me due to not liking the short version.
It's one of those things that I always remember but it doesn't bother me - no one else has ever done it.

You are setting yourself up for a confrontation. Be sure that you are prepared to go the distance and know the result that you want at the end of it. I don't see anything wrong in insisting that your child is called by her proper name.

Pick your battles here. Your child is a tiny baby and your MIL might go on to use first name naturally in future.

You say the middle name is a family name on her side? Her deceased mum/dad or sth? She may just love that you’ve honoured her family member like that and calling baby by this name is making her happy? Does it matter? You clearly liked the name? It’s really not an actual issue unless you make it one?

Can you ask DH to speak to his Mum?

I think you can suggest it but you can’t dictate it. You’ve literally just called your baby this though, so asking people not to use because you don’t like it seems a little
odd.

Oops, I do this.
I have 5 great- neices. The eldest I call her by her 1st and 2nd name. I don't know why. I'm the only one who does.
For 2 of them, I just use their first names, and for the other 2, I use nicknames, so think Lucy Lou and Mary Jane ( Louise and Jane not being their Real middle names).
My granddaughter has my Christian name as her middle name, but I only call her by her 1st name.
I don't know if what I call my great - nieces annoys my nephews, but I'll definitely ask.
FWIW, I think maybe just ask MIL not to do it, especially as you don't want others adopting it.

Reminds me of Cagney & Lacey where Cagney always referred to Lacey’s baby daughter as “Alice Christine” (Christine being Cagney's first name). She was proud that the child had been given her name as a tribute.

It’s harmless.

It's absolutely not a misunderstanding. The names are so long. It's just because she wants to do it. As the middle one is a family name of hers.

@cocorum In that case, I'd 100% be directly bringing it up. I'd literally say "MIL, can you please stop calling her by her middle name as well? Her name is X, only. We don't want people think her first name is both".

Yeah but in fairness people don't usually expect for the middle name to be used as if it's a double-barrelled first name surely? I wouldn't.

OP isn't saying she doesn't like the names.

My (ex) MIL does this too! We gave DD the middle name "Carol" after MIL (it's MIL's name). So DD is called Charlotte Carol, for example.

MIL calls her Charlotte Carole EVERY TIME - both to DD (now 4) and when talking about her. No one else does. I don't let it bother me tbh, it's not the hill I'm willing to die on, DD is lucky to have a grandparent who loves her so much

My dad has always called DS1 by his formal name although we have always since day 1 used the shortened version.

It doesn't bother me, I know my dad just particularly likes the formal version and using it, and it's become a nice little link between them 'grandad is the only one who calls me xyz'.

Saying the second name obviously means a lot to your MIL, let her enjoy it. It probably won't last if it's a mouthful, she might just like writing it in cards etc.

And no you can't control what other people say. You can ask them to comply with your wishes but you can't make them.