Can you dictate what people call your child? Or is that unreasonable?

[cocorum]

MIL keeps calling DD first and middle name, every time. Both long names. Sounds ridiculous. There's no hyphen. It's two names. In fact, she has three.

Can I ask her to stop ? Or is that mean ? I hate it. Child is a small baby.

I personally wouldn’t hold my tongue, I would remind her that your child’s name is x and that the other name is a middle name which she has W of and won’t be used. If she continues I’d take a huge step back from contact, she will soon stop.

also call her a different version of what she is wanting. For example, if my mum did this I would call her Nanny Annie rather than Grandma Annie like she wanted. Annoy her as much as she annoys you,

my mother calls my son 'the boy'. I hate it.

You've worked her out.

If she is dgm start referring to her as nanna.

I might do

Don't be so uptight about it.

This exactly.

She can't insist on her chosen dgm reference... Go for it!!

It means she likes the name, is in awe with her new grandchild and loves chiming it away. Chill out a bit. It isn't like you've called her Jenny and she's calling them Sarah. She is calling her the name you selected, which she clearly likes.

If you and your Dh don’t like it, he gets the job of ether to stop being painful. As a child with a double barrelled name, I had the opposite and HATED it. As a teacher, it’s really important that children have their name pronounced and said correctly. I’d have to tell her and insist. When she speaks about the baby in front of others, correct her.

Definitely change the name!!! Either remove the offending name or move it to third and bring third name second!

Oh and I love the idea of calling her nanna or nanny or something ridiculous instead.

I can imagine it being very very annoying and it sounds like she's very overbearing anyway I can imagine the situation as my DD has a first name, a middle name after my family then a middle name after DP family (just that way round because it sounds better). If either family kept calling DD first name then only "their" middle name it would not sit well at all.

I'd say sit tight though, benignly correct her in company so that others know that is NOT what you and DH are calling her or at least passively aggressively comment. I like the idea of calling her Elizabeth Alexandra Cecilia or whatever in company of MIL, just to get the third name in there (and make her realise how ridiculous it is).

When she goes to nursery/preschool/school they'll call her by her actual first name as you will at home, with friends etc so she will definitely know what her actual name is and may be a determined enough toddler to say "No, Granny! I'm Elizabeth NOT Elizabeth Alexandra!" or whatever. A friend named her daughter Arianna and some people started calling her Ari when she was about 2 and she was like "no! I'm Arianna!".

Sounds like she just likes the sound of the two names together probably because it makes her feel a connection.
And it just so happens to annoy you, possibly because your mil annoys you generally.

Either bring it up at your prefer she didn't or just try to be more zen about it.

My MIL used to have a thing for calling my DD by her full name in a sing-song voice.

We'd be at the park and she'd shout "Olivia Marie Shakespeareeeee! Come hereee!"

We have a super unusual surname so even though I'm sure no one in the park cares enough to steal my child or look me up on social media and steal my identity, you never know. DH told her to stop it.

I’d have a wander over to the stately home threads. It’s coming across to me like a potentially toxic relationship your DH has with his parents and that’s the source of the issue here. There is no way I can’t tell my parents something they won’t like to hear because they will flip. My poor DH on the other hand! He does tell them now… but it took some angst and some sessions with an amazing counsellor.

Why give her those names if you hate them . Yabu.

Guys it's still grating. Other people have started doing it. I'm filled with rage and regret.

If other people are doing it, then at least stop them in their tracks. Simply say 'her name is ..., we're not using either of her middle names in day to day life'.
Or when they call her Millicent Amanda, just smile and say "It's just Millicent"

Then honestly, your DH has to step up. He doesn't have to be rude. He just needs to say firmlly 'Mum, we want her to be called just by her first name, so please respect that' and to hell with what results. This is your child and you have to advocate for her and for yourselves from the off.
I was called a nickname I didn''t like, by my mum, for years. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I lost it one day and yelled at her about it. She was really shocked. I was too shy a kid (and too scared of her) to mention it when I was young. It would have been so much better if I could have done (and in fairness to her, it wouldn't have ended up with me yelling at her if I'd told her earlier.

Seriously, what's the worst that can happen? A massive row isn't great, but you hold the cards here. This is your baby and if she wants to spend happy time with your kid, then there's really little that your MIL can do without risking losing contact.

I could maybe frame it like, I'm really sorry MIL. I really don't want you to be upset with me, but I really never intended for the name to be used as if it was hyphenated. It's really important to me that just first name is used. I know you really like doing it and you are just enjoying the names together, but it's upsetting me that I didn't intend for my child to be called that. Now others are doing it, would you kindly just use the first name.

I have a great middle name. Quite sad it never gets used.

Not helpful.

That's okay, but her son needs to be the one who tells her. Seriously, that's really important. He can't shirk it because if he does you're in the firing line for the rest of your life. She's his son and that's an entirely different relationship.

Even decent and respectful GPs (like me!) would take something far far better from our own flesh and blood, than from their partner. And I like my sons in law!

And if he's to pathetic to face his own mum, then you say calmly and firmly, and without any extra waffle or justification "MIL, her name is first name. Neither I or DH like double names so WE want everyone to call her firstname."

Your first go is too wordy, and telling her that she's upsetting you is a bad move. If she gets any emotion from you it needs to be anger, not upset.

@saraclara yeah I think you're right. I'm already in the firing line generally because I'm usually the one to say stuff and it tends to really escalate when I do, so he should probably say something in a nice way. But I think she's even more likely to tell him that SHE can call HER grandchild WHATEVER SHE likes.

That's the bottom line, she thinks grandma trumps parents wishes. Her wishes are more important.

I genuinely think if someone you liked and respected and you had no power struggle with, asked you nicely that they would prefer for you to call their child XYZ, you would just immediately say : oh of course ! No problem! But in our case, that's not the relationship.

I think you have a right to correct them. It's your child and you named them and just say- she/he has 2 middle names so if your middle naming him/her there's 2 but her/his name is xxxxxx and that's what we call them there's no hyphen.
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