Can you dictate what people call your child? Or is that unreasonable?

[cocorum]

MIL keeps calling DD first and middle name, every time. Both long names. Sounds ridiculous. There's no hyphen. It's two names. In fact, she has three.

Can I ask her to stop ? Or is that mean ? I hate it. Child is a small baby.

Go lower contact.

Ah, makes sense.

OP, quite a number of people actually go by their middle names when they get older so best in mind that your DD might actually choose to go by this name, down the line.

@HikingforScenery that will be her decision to make..

This.

Start calling her Maureen Biggles everytime baby sees her instead of Nanny Maureen. See if she likes it. Or Grandma if she likes Nanny. It will soon stick when DS is older. I try changing what I'm called and my DGS says "You're not Grandma, you're Nanny!!!! " 😂

Fight fire with fire 🔥

I’d have to gently tell her to please just call her by her first name. The end. No more discussion. But if you think it’s going to kick right off, I’d tell my husband to do it as it irks him too.
I feel for you OP, emotions run so very high in the beginning. Anything that pisses you off to this extent though I’d have to carefully mention and hope for the best - otherwise you will eventually BLOW and that’s way worse.

I'm worried I'm blow.

I meant, I'm worried I'll blow

Use DDs entire name when around MIL. Like full names including surname.

My exMIL does this too. I just let her get on with it, she dotes on my Dd so I let it slide.

My MIL uses a completely different middle name for my DD. She writes it on all her cards and calls her by first and middle name all the time. My DD hates it and we have told her that's not her name but she just ignores us.

This would annoy me. Your MIL is being very disrespectful. Better to say something and if she throws a hissy fit, so be it.

Haha. My mum does this to my DC and it's a bit weird but I let her crack on because I can't be arsed with the hassle. I have a bigger issue with her speaking English to him when she should be speaking our mother tongue because he usually only hears it from me, whereas English is everywhere (we live in the UK). 🙄

At least your MIL hasn't come up with an entirely new name. My mum has recently decided to start calling my teenaged niece by a completely new name (think "Alice" instead of "Amelia"), and I find it a bit cringey. I asked "Amelia" how she felt about it and she gave a really passive "I dunno". 😅

Pick your battles. You will have MANY over the years and only the ones really worth fighting for should be fought. If this is one for you then go for it. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. My son is named after both grandfathers (middle names) and first is one we chose. When he was born one grandfather called him little 'insert his name' but this soon died away.

My DC's great grandmother hyphenates my DD's first and middle name. I love her middle name so I don't atall.

This is 100% a DH problem solver department. He needs to keep correcting her. Pulling out the "respect the fact that you did a good job raising me and that I get to set my own rules for Millicent."

One way around it is to make a joke of it saying that you and DH will only ever use the double barrel name when she is in serious trouble.

"Goodness Millicent, what have you done now to make gran so cross?"
"Oops Millicent, when gran breaks out the Millicent Margaret Amanda even I wont be able to save you"
Etc so that if she blows up it makes your point that she was cross.

Who are these in-laws who think they get a say in naming a baby?
If I were you OP I’d go the other way and in conversation with MiL I would use all three names. So every time she said Millicent Margaret, correct her with Millicent Margaret Amanda. Every time. She’ll stop because she’ll realise youre taking the piss back at her, but she can’t object, because obviously these are MMA’s actual names. Use one, or all MiL.

You can't stop her though....can you!?

What will you do if she just brushed it off and carries on?

Choices, you can bring it up and I would let her go nuts, she clearly doesn't care about your feelings.

Or just go low contact.

Or just change your child's name now, easily done when they are a baby. Remove that name altogether or replace it with something else. I think I would because I see this issue going on for years.

I would choose any of the above and I have gone pretty much no contact with relatives when they pulled this sort of shit with us. It was all worked out and we moved on but they never did it again.

MIL hates the third name. I think we may just call baby by the third name only

This is really good advice.

Your MIL and in laws seem oddly involved in your name choices. For me that would be really weird. Neither my parents nor my in laws gave us any opinions on names - couldn't tell you what any of them thought we should name our children. They all just said "how lovely" when we announced the name. I suspect there is more going on wrt boundaries than the use of this name.

I can understand how annoying this is but if you can keep your cool, try not to react. just keep using your dd's actual first name and if mil does introduce her as Millicent Margaret to someone, simply say "well actually her full name is Millicent Margaret Amanda, but like most people we only use her first name Millicent"

I wouldn't have chosen a name I dislike for my child. That's surely the route of the problem.
It's going to e long 18+ years if you can't accept your child will accumulate nicknames. This is why I think parents need to be realistic about naming children. If you call your child Alexander but prefer Xander you have to be prepared that Alex will be used at some point. Don't like it,.pick another name.

Don't call your child a.middle name you wouldn't be comfortable them adopting as a first name later. Plenty of.people do this.

The exception is when people make up stupid, nothing to do with the name nicknames as a passive aggressive point because they don't like the name. Eg Calling Finnian Ian.

Not worth an argument. If she was only using the middle name on its own that would be rude, but she's just partially extending it. It's not a different name she's using, just more of her name than is usual.

I do sometimes use both names if I know them. I love long names, I love to use people's names so lovingly chosen by their parents who took an age to decide. I often call DC both names.

Frankly, I'd think you're weird if you asked me not to - you gave the kid the name, you must like it! However, if you explained nicely that you really, really don't like it, can I please stop it, I would, at least on in your presence.

Start using all 3 op. When mil asks why tel her well she started the using of more than the first name so your dd deserves the full shebang.. Or get a whole batch of clothes with dd's first name only on... Has mil got a middle name? Start using that along with her first name. Tellher you assume she is trying to be some sort of Royal giving full names out.

You can try. My in laws called DS2 by his middle name until he was a teen and old enough to tell him to stop. I did try over the years but was accused of being funny about it, despite the fact that if my parents had changed the names around to suit their culture they’d have been accused of racism. With DD we switched it around so of course they called her by her first name. I just had to let it go, until it started to upset DS2 then I did speak to his father about it - but as I say it’s only recently they tend to refer to him by his actual name.