Can you dictate what people call your child? Or is that unreasonable?

[cocorum]

MIL keeps calling DD first and middle name, every time. Both long names. Sounds ridiculous. There's no hyphen. It's two names. In fact, she has three.

Can I ask her to stop ? Or is that mean ? I hate it. Child is a small baby.

You are being unreasonable. Those are the names you have given her and you can hardly stop people from using them.

When dd is mobile and mil is trying to 'manage' her spilling out 2 names will wear a bit thin imo!!

This is what I think. My middle name is my grandma's name, and grandma has always called me both. I love it, it's a little special thing for the two of us, it connects me to her, and now that she's getting older and frailer I appreciate it even more.

Ah, I see - so in a way, the issue is more that you had to use a middle name you didn't really want. And now they're rubbing your nose in that.

I can definitely see why it annoys you so much, then (I always think it's incredibly weird when grandparents somehow think they should have a say in their grandkids' names at all, really!).

But honestly, although it's annoying that your MIL does it, I don't think you have to worry about it spreading to other people, so that's one less thing to worry about anyway. And I do reckon your MIL will tire of this nonsense in time anyway.

You can’t control what other people call DC once they start school! DD2 has a name, frequently abbreviated - but we called her her full name, as that was what we chose. Teachers always used the shortened form, as did her class mates.

You have no control how others use the names you gave your child. Whether it's Millie, Millicent, Millicent Margaret, Millicent Magaret Amanda, Millicent Margaret Amanda Cocorum or whatever (using PP example).

Your mistake was agreeing to a name you dislike. Having done so, you just have to go with it.

Just let it slide poast you and don't allow it to irritate you. (I do empathise - my DM didn't like one of the names for mine and had a go at slightly altering it until she got bored)

Using two names feels a bit Joe Grundy to me - "Hello there, young Ben Archer" - and I rather miss the old rascal so I think I'd find it kind of cute.

They really won't, if it's as much of a mouthful as you say, especially if they hear you and everyone else just using her first name. Ignore this, it really isn't worth the.stress.

Knew after reading your first post it would be a name she wanted. Sounds so grating. Have you done the birth certificate? Could you leave it off and say you and DH changed your minds?

Sounds like she’s trying to make a point but it is part of your DD’s name so I’d ignore her.

If it makes her happy and literally doesn't hurt anyone, why be so petty?

Has the birth been registered? If not, perhaps your DH needs to mention to his mum that the two of you are thinking about leaving the second name off the birth certificate because neither of you like it being used as though it is double-barrelled with the first name. If the birth has already been registered, he could ask her to use just the first name until DC goes to school - at that point, if DC asks MIL to use a much longer name, fair enough but you'd like her to refer to them by the name you've chosen until such a time... or say you'll change the name to remove the second one.

Give it a few years and your DC will make it known what she wants to be called. From the age 0f 3 mine made it quite clear that she would not answer to any shortened variations of her 1st name. Something that she still does now 27 years later. She even pulled up several teachers at school for shortening her name.

Registered !

I just think we have no chance. She'll just say she can call her grandchildren whichever names she wants.

I'm just going to have to grit my teeth, as usual.

You used to have until your dc is 1 to change the birth certificate, worth checking if that's the case. Then drop it into conversation with MIL that you are thinking of dropping the middle name as now you keep hearing them together you just don't think they flow nicely.

Its the sort of thing that would annoy me, mainly because it doesn't seem to be coming from a point of kindness or wanting to have a cute name for dgc, but trying to "win" over naming the child within the wider family. It feels like a power grab and so id get rid of the middle name.

I hear what you're saying, but that would be a declaration of war.

"I think MIL might turn around and say she can call her GC whatever she likes..."

If my mother pulled that one I'd tell her that I can also only visit when I want to (hint - she might see a lot less of her GC if she insists on being bitchy).

My mother did something similar (only worse, she called him something unrelated to his actual name just to drive home how much she hated his name). The result is that I'm not telling her DC3's name. Ever. I'm sure she'll find out someday but not from me.

I would find this grating (especially since you were essentially forced to use this middle name) but as others have said... Choose your battles.

I suspect either the novelty will wear off eventually, or provided you and DH only use the first name, this will just become a grandma-ism that DD in her own time may tell grandma she doesn't like. Or maybe she will like it. No harm done either way.

In the meantime if grandma uses the first and second name in company I would be tempted to politely annotate this by adding 'Margaret is DD's middle name, after DH's great aunt Maggie, but we just call her Millicent.'

I really would consider changing the name. You didn't want to use this name, MIL was pushing you to use it as a first name and now shes not won that, shes trying to rename your dd to wider family to the name she prefers. You are already in a war.

Id change it. Or tell her you were considering changing it. Your own child's name shouldn't upset you. The function to change names until a year old is because once a child is born, parents change their minds.

It's harmless. You gave your child several names, she will need to learn what they are. Why not let grandma use both of them?! Who knows, maybe your child will grow up and prefer the second name and decide to be known by that one!

YANBU but I think you have to let it go.

I have the opposite problem. DD is called Matilda (not really just an example) and ExH and his family call her Tildy she hates it but they won't stop.

There's another Matilda in her class who is called Tilda/Tildy so DD puts up with it at school as sometimes the teachers get them mixed up (they have the same surname initial too so can be very confusing).

It's just affectionate. Don't be so uptight about it

This. One of my aunties called me by first and middle names. It was a proper mouthful. Nobody else did, just her. It was an affectionate little joke.

I have always corrected someone if they call my son Ollie, because his name is Oliver and he doesn't like being called Ollie. He never has liked it. So for the last 10 years, I correct anybody who says it. If he decides he wants to be called Ollie then I wouldn't mind but if I wanted him to be called Ollie then I would've named him that!

So I think yanba!

She’s trying to claim the baby as more hers than yours. Belonging to her family more than she belongs to you (her actual mother). Marking her territory.

She’s an idiot 🙄 Treat her (in this respect) as such. Which means, ignoring her. It changes nothing that MIL calls her both names.

I don't have a middle name but have a long first name. Growing up everybody but my maternal grandfather called me by the short version, until I asked my mum to get him to stop.
My youngest ds has a long first name, I agreed as long as it was understood that he would be known by the short version. I don't even use his full name when he annoys me😁
As he's grown he has taken over from me saying what name he prefers.
Both my son and I don't answer to the long versions anymore.
Have you tried constantly saying that you prefer a name and saying nothing else. Walk away when mil gets her knickers in a twist.

it's not the first name !

But she's not using it as a first name. She's using her first name first and her second name second.