To us rainbows for a baby who's not a 'rainbow baby'

[Notmushroomleft]

DD's name is Iris. We love the flower and had them at our wedding which is why we chose it. We later also found out it means rainbow in Greek I believe which just makes it all the more a beautiful name in my view. So as she'll be moving into her own room in the next month or so, we've just decorated her room with a rainbow theme and whenever I post a picture of her on Instagram I've always posted with a rainbow emoji (and a blue heart because she has the bluest eyes). I posted a picture of her new nursery just because I worked hard on it and I think it looks beautiful and wanted to show it off. For context I have literally 53 friends on Instagram and every one of them I know in really life, so I'm not trying to be an 'influencer' by a million miles, just trying to show friends and family the new nursery.
Anyway one of my friends has text me to say she loves the room but thinks it's weird that I always use a rainbow for DD and she thinks I'm being quite insensitive to use it when DD isn't a 'rainbow baby'. And no she's not, I've been unbelievably blessed in life and have never suffered a miscarriage or infant loss. DF who's made the comment has sadly lost a baby and is quite open with me in real life and on social media that she is waiting for her rainbow baby.
I really love her and desperately pray she gets the family she wants soon but I honestly just never made the connection between me using a rainbow image to decorate for DD or to use as an emoji in a post to 'rainbow babies'; I literally just like rainbows and think it's cool that DD's name means rainbow. I'm also sad that DD is 6 months old now and I've always used a rainbow emoji for her on a post so this has obviously been bothering DF for a while but the room has obviously been the final straw. I haven't even replied yet as I honestly don't even know what to say.
I don't want to hurt my friend, I hate the idea that anything I have done has made her trauma even worse but I also really don't want to have to redecorate the entire room when I just finished it and I really love it for DD. But AIBU to use rainbows for a baby when she isn't a 'rainbow baby'?

Your friend is being precious. Both mine are "rainbow" DC, I wouldn't be offended at someone naming their baby iris or having a rainbow themed room at all. How ridiculous.

Your friend is both understandably and overly sensitive.

Talk to her. Explain that for you ‘rainbow’ is the tv show, a sign for gay pride and an emblem found many, many children’s clothes and toys.

Keep doing your own thing but consider dialing down the rainbows in front of her.

I’d reply sensitively to your DF explaining exactly what you have here, that you’ve used the rainbow emoji and rainbow bedroom theme because of DD’s name. Your DF is being unreasonable in my opinion but sometimes grief, loss and pain can make people behave unreasonably. Be kind to her but you don’t need to feel bad for using rainbows.

Have you explained that her name means rainbow (absolutely love the name Iris btw), and that’s why you decorated the room this way. And rainbows have many connotations not just the one that comes to mind for her?

I don’t think those with rainbow babies have the monopoly on rainbows although completely understand that this must be hard for her. (I have a rainbow baby). Communication is key here.

Well mine is a ‘rainbow baby’ if I were to use that term but I never would. I find it twee and attention-seeking (don’t pile on, it’s my personal opinion, I don’t care that others might like to use it) I don’t mind talking about baby loss at all but I don’t necessarily need someone I met at my Halls of Residence when I was 18 to know I had a miscarriage by using ‘rainbow baby’ in social media.

do you have to use an emoji though? Do her room how you like but unless you’re really young I don’t think you need a trademark emoji for a post.

You don't need to redecorate her room, but maybe stop with the rainbow emoji. It is very well known what that icon means and I agree with your friend it's insensitive. You can still carry on as normal, but is an emoji really worth upsetting a friend?

YANBU at all. Decorate the nursery however you wish. I say this as someone who has had a loss recently and waiting for a 'rainbow' baby although I personally find that term a bit annoying and won't be using it.

It's sad for your friend but women who have had losses don't get to monopolise or trademark rainbows. That's ridiculous. If seeing others baby joys is too painful then she needs to deal with that, not tell you to redecorate!

As someone who has lost a baby and has gone on to have rainbows I think it's fine. They are everywhere since lockdown.

Kids like them as they are bright and colourful. My youngest wants rainbows in his room. Would not be saying no if he wasn't a rainbow baby. Though it must be hard for your friend not having a rainbow baby. The thought of having mine was the only thing that kept me going as it was our first we lost.

PS - My rainbows still don’t match the number of miscarriages I have had.

Does your friend understand Iris means rainbow?

I doubt it’s the room itself, it’s the emoji next to her name on socials, I expect - the room was just a trigger.

She’s unreasonable but infertility does that, it’s not a reasonable thing. Just explain to her why you’ve been doing it, and decide what you want to do in the future. Dropping an emoji from Insta posts is only a big deal if you let it be.

The whole rainbow baby thing is quite new, I think- both my dc were born after losses but I’d never heard the term until a few months ago.

People who have suffered losses don’t own the rainbow image, just as the NHS, Pride and any of the other groups who use the symbol don’t. Your friend is being unreasonable.

YANBU rainbows aren’t only for rainbow babies. The pride flag is a rainbow for example. Rainbows are on loads of kids clothes and toys because they’re bright and colourful so fun to look at / play with.

It’s very sad that your DF has suffered a loss but to think that means she can tell other people how to decorate their houses and dress their kids is a bit much.

Difficult to say what to reply as it’s obviously a very sensitive issue for her and whilst I think she’s overreacting if she’s a proper friend you don’t want to upset her unnecessarily . Maybe just something explaining that DDs name means rainbow as she might not have made the connection? (I wouldn’t have)

If you would put a rainbow next to her name every single time i would assume she was a rainbow baby too.

Decorate the room with rainbows sure
But the emoji? Give it up please
Your kid name is iris. Like flower.

You named her that because you like it. And it was your favourite FLOWER.
Just because it accidently means rainbow in greek (?) Is just coincidence. And nothing more then that
If it meant goat in greek you wouldnt go put goat emojis everywhere no would you.

Heck it is a part of your eye. Do you put eye emojis as well? Its a bit attention searching imo.

I haven't got a rainbow baby but I do share a lot of autism posts as my son has ASD. On these I put a blue heart for him. So with you putting rainbow and blue heart for her eyes looks like you were carrying a boy before her. However painting her room in a rainbow is absolutely fine. Maybe drop the rainbow in normal posts but add it to those when you post her room

she loves the room but thinks it's weird that I always use a rainbow for DD and she thinks I'm being quite insensitive to use it when DD isn't a 'rainbow baby'

She loves the room - you don’t need to redecorate. It’s the emoji.

Iris has the symbol of a rainbow. The room is fine. Does your friend not know that? To be honest, I don’t think the term rainbow baby would mean anything to most people. I didn’t know what it meant. It’s only on specialist boards on, say, here that it’s common parlance. However, you could drop the rainbow emoji and use a flower one instead. Is there an Iris one?

Anyway one of my friends has text me to say she loves the room but thinks it's weird that I always use a rainbow for DD and she thinks I'm being quite insensitive to use it when DD isn't a 'rainbow baby'.

Where has your friend said she wants you to redecorate or did you just throw that in? You are making a drama over it, not your friend. Why would she care what your room in your house looks like, a rainbow themed room is common and I've seen that many times as a theme. She's upset over the use of the emoji which is implying something that you know isn't true. So what you're actually being confused about is to stop using the emoji.

Uni you don’t have to stop using the rainbow 🌈 emoji. PP are ridiculous for suggesting so.
as many have already said, it’s the symbol of many things, not just baby loss plus it’s also JUST a rainbow 🌈 no one has a monopoly on it or should tell others not to use it.

Reply simply to your friend that it’s a thing you love, is what your daughters means as well as a symbol for many things including baby loss.
it’s not like you’ll be posting hundreds of pictures daily of the room, it’s done now, will it ever actually appear on your feed again as a specific thing, other than the room some pictures of your baby will be taken in.

Those saying to stop the rainbow emoji should gay pride stop using it too? 🙄 it's a emoji for goodness sake - it can mean literally anything.

I thought a rainbow baby was after infant loss, but apparently it's mc too.

I've had 2 mc, but I don't consider dd2 a rainbow baby.

Your df is being a bit precious, no one owns the rainbow emoji.

I don't think it's the name or bedroom that's upset your friend.

I think it's the fact you use a rainbow emoji on social media every time you mention your daughter.

I had five losses before conceiving my son and this wouldn't bother me, although if I didn't know you hadn't had any losses I might assume you had.

No one owns rainbows.

I absolutely will stop using the emoji as that's an easy one to stop if it's causing someone else pain. I just like emoji's, that's the only reason. I know lots of people think they're childish or silly but I just do. I just didn't think about it. I know what the term 'rainbow baby' means of course, I just foolishly never put it together with my use of it because I've only ever been thinking about DD when I'm using it in that context. But yes I will stop using it in that regard. I just don't want to have to take down every post I've already put up just to remove every time I've used it before or redecorate the nursery at this point.
I don't think I ever have explained that DD's name means rainbow to DF or anyone other than maybe a handful of people maybe in passing; I suppose I just started using the emoji so maybe some people do assume she's a 'rainbow baby' unless they happen to know about Iris which I didn't until I Googled it when we were choosing it so I suppose I have been very insensitive and naive.

Just noticed I've cross posted with a lot of you. There were no comments before I typed.

My username had nothing to do with babies because I only recently realised what a rainbow baby is from reading threads on here.