Having children isn't viewed as an achievement, the same way having a successful career is

[gagablacksheep]

Just wondering what people's thoughts are on this.

Having children is the hardest thing I've ever done, yet, I feel like, as the majority of people have children- it's nothing ' special ' that you get any kind of pat on the back for, in the same way you would - if, say you had a very successful career.

The kind of social standing that comes with being very successful career wise, just isn't the same, as being a mum. Most people can be ' a mum ', but most people can't have very successful careers.

Is it just me, or is being a mum just a bog standard thing, that seems a bit 'thankless' in the eyes of society ? Sorry if I've not explained my feeling and thoughts very well.

I agree.

I think raising well rounded children is an achievement. But simply giving birth not so much. To have a successful career and raise children is impressive.

A fertile couple having a shag, then producing a kid is not an achievement. It is basic nature.

I'd say that raising children could be an achievement. Having them is nothing more than biology. Just as anyone can pretty much have a job, but a job isn't the same thing as a successful career.

Pretty much anyone can manage to have children, some incompetent, unpleasant, lazy people manage it without even trying or thinking about it.

Bringing them up well, happy, and to be good people, that’s a very different thing, but no, just having one is not comparable to building a successful career.

There's a lot of luck involved in order to be a mum so it's not an achievement imo

Any moron can get pregnant and drag up a kid. It's much more difficult to create a successful career.

Parenting is hard work, but it's not specialised work - anyone can do it. The same is not true for professional careers.

My MIL told me how wonderful my children are today, and that we should be proud.

It was beautiful. Like you say - it's not something that's generally recognised. She's a wonderful lady.

She's so proud of DP's career but she's more proud of him as father. I don't think that's as common as it should be.

Thats the thing, it's so hard to raise them. Yet so thankless when they're still small. Perhaps when they've grown and are good people, it feels different.

You made the point yourself: most women can become a mum, if they want to; and frankly, unless they are actively neglectful or abusive as a parent they’ll more than likely turn out a perfectly fine child. It might be hard work in the sense that it’s drudgery, but it doesn’t take any particular special characteristic or skill or specialist knowledge , whereas a career does.

I think that’s because having children isn’t an achievement in and of itself. Any fertile couple can do it. Most women do have children so it really is a bog standard thing to do to most other people.

I couldn't care less what society thinks. I need no thanks for my contribution.

There are some parents - male and female - that I sometimes privately acknowledge the way in which they have done things but for the most part, why would I see someone elses parent status as an achievement?!

Every single person who's ever existed is the result of someone having a child. It's not special. Raising a well rounded child is a measure of success though.

Having children isn’t an achievement.

Although the fact that I’ve not given mine food poisoning or lost them yet IS an achievement.

I just feel like it's the hardest thing I've ever done and it's such a standard thing.

And I have quite a successful career. But finding this harder. Yet, it's so standard.

Who do you need thanks from?

I get where your coming from OP. Its such hard work, but seen as just a given that you'll do it. Although 'anyone can do it' not everyone puts the same amount of effort in and not everyone does it well.

This

I agree that I don’t think parenting, as a task, is valued in the same way careers are. In fact caring generally isn’t valued, paid or unpaid.

i don’t think I’d describe having children as an achievement, although some elements might be in specific circumstances. However I do think parenting is important and valuable.

But who do you think should be thanking you for raising your children? Not the young children who aren’t capable of that thought process (notwithstanding that expecting thanks from children to their parents for raising is odd anyway). You and your partner if you have one should be appreciative of each other. That’s it really. I’m not thankful for random people for raising the children they chose to have.

So OP, you can't compare the ability to go out get shit faced sleep with someone not remember get pregnant and raise your newfound off spring on benefits, to working dam hard at a successful career. No it's not an achievement its basic instinct and what we are designed to do reproduce.

Women, meet feminism.

Who do you want to be thanked by?

My mum didn't work and dedicated herself to motherhood. She still puts in as much as she can as a Grandma and she will help out whenever needed. I think she did an amazing job and I learned a lot of my mothering skills from her. I think I've found mothering really natural and straightforward because I've had such a good example. What she's achieved will pay off through the generations. It isn't really recognised or appreciated but its its own reward and you do it for love not plaudits.

just having children and managing to get them to age 18 without killing them is not an achievement in itself.

Raising a child well arguably is - but how do you measure that? Some parents do everything "right" and their child still ends up as a drug addict. And, as MN so eloquently shows every day, no one can agree on the "right" way to raise a child anyway.