Having children isn't viewed as an achievement, the same way having a successful career is

[gagablacksheep]

Just wondering what people's thoughts are on this.

Having children is the hardest thing I've ever done, yet, I feel like, as the majority of people have children- it's nothing ' special ' that you get any kind of pat on the back for, in the same way you would - if, say you had a very successful career.

The kind of social standing that comes with being very successful career wise, just isn't the same, as being a mum. Most people can be ' a mum ', but most people can't have very successful careers.

Is it just me, or is being a mum just a bog standard thing, that seems a bit 'thankless' in the eyes of society ? Sorry if I've not explained my feeling and thoughts very well.

So you think society as a whole doesn’t celebrate or thank women who have babies enough?

what more do you think should be done?

I don’t think simply producing a baby is a reason to admire someone. Successfully raising a family maybe, but even then only really of interest to friends and family. This is different from whether parents should be respected in society- of course they should.

otoh I don’t hugely admire people for a successful career either, unless they’ve done something particularly selfless or ground-breaking. I’m successful at work but don’t expect anyone to admire me for it- my reward is my own satisfaction and my salary.

I give myself a pat on the back after a particularly good or bad day.

My DC are happy, safe and content it's all the praise I need.

patting yourself on the back is fine. It sounds like the op wants a pat on the back from society.

Raising children can be difficult and fraught with so many emotions, dilemmas and difficulties.

That being said, it's usually a choice to have children and parents know that it's hard work.

Parenting doesn't need a medal or a certificate.
It's usually a life stage.

A successful career is often built despite family commitments. It usually involves personal sacrifice or family life sacrifices.

Why should anyone thank you for popping out kids? What a weird expectation.
Fine to expect some form of recognition (still not sure that's the right word) from your dc when they're grown maybe, 'we had a great childhood' sort of thing? I don't know, but I wouldn't expect anyone else to be falling at a woman's feet because she used her uterus.

I'd say it's more of an achievement to have a good family life, be a good parent (if you've chosen to have children), maintain your 'self'/identity and have a career. Managing it all is genuinely hard but it's a choice that I don't expect anyone else to acknowledge.

I have worked hard to get where I am and now have the financial means to give my dc a good life and show them that they can do anything they want. Having a full time job doesn't make me less of a parent and being a parent doesn't make me a better person, equally my dc are my choice and responsibility.

Motherhood is a thankless task. You give everything, your whole self, your identity, freedom and prospects.
As society sees it, that's the least you can do.
Being in that situation, where you don't get acknowledgement for the huge sacrifice is normal. People won't acknowledge it because without the all giving mother, they are all alone and that's unbearable. You must carry that can.

Mother’s Day is a pat on the back and recognition from society isn’t it?

Anyone can have dc, even without planning to.

But a good career is the result of hard, focused work that not everyone will be able to achieve...

because without the all giving mother, they are all alone and that's unbearable.

What do you mean by that ?

Anyone can have dc

If only.

Anyone can have dc

Go look at the infertility board.

Having a successful career, especially one to be proud of, takes a really long time like being a consultant doctor, impressive and it takes over a decade to get there.
Conception takes an evening, and while your kids are small, youve been doing the thing that your proud of and find hard for a small amount of time.
Nobody is particulary proud of someone who is in training and working their way up to their hard and difficult career goals, just like nobody is gonna be proud or impressed of someone raising a kid.

When a person gets to their impressive career, they then have to do a hard and impressive job. But the kid is an adult you dont have to keep doing a difficult job of raising them.

Plus you know, the majority of people have babies and raise them and the majority of those people do it fine. Not a lot of people are highly regarded neurosurgeons or professional tennis players.

Stuff is only exeptional because its uncommon, parents are really common, good parents are pretty common

Oh FFS, the OP clearly doesn't mean that. She means actually RAISING them. Good God. Obtuse or what?!

My kids regularly tell me I'm the best mum in the world. That's the only appraisal I need. It makes my heart sing far more than positive feedback from my manager. Maybe you're looking in the wrong places for the recognition you crave?

I think maybe using the terms “achievement” and “ having children” has set this thread off in a particular direction.

I think if you said you’d like to be more appreciated for the hard work you do parenting or if you said you wish caring for children was more valued, then I think more people would have related better.

I think because if you get pregnant and choose to have a child and raise them to adulthood then the bare minimum is that you raise them to be decent human beings.

I don’t think that is the same as having a successful career or being successful in other areas of life. I would also say society has tons of recognition and support for parents, more than I think it should.

Occasionally people tell me I am doing a great job raising my children and it really encourages me. We can all doubt ourselves and feel like we are getting it wrong. I tell other people when their children are a credit to them too.

In my career I love getting positive feedback too. Maybe I'm just insecure but it is what works for me.

Because having children, giving birth, isn't something you work at- it's a basic function for many female animals (and yes I acknowledge that isn't the case for all women, and that conceiving can be a difficult journey) so no, I don't see a need to be praised for having working anatomy. Raising children well- whatever that means, is something you can be proud of. But that still mainly initially benefits you, whereas working hard in your career, benefits many people, hence the wider recognition

The answer is going to be different for all different types of people. We all have our own opinions, personal goals and aspirations. Some aspire to have children. Some aspire to have a successful career. Some aspire to have both. And some aspire to have neither or something different. And all are okay.

We shouldn’t bash what other people see as a personal achievement or what society ‘deems as’ an achievement. As long as we’re all happy with where we’re at and what we have and what we could strive to have.

Read this back for any typos and didn’t mean for it to sound all philosophical 😂

Anyone can do that too. Doing it well is hard, doing it at all isn’t.

Bringing them up well, happy, and to be good people, that’s a very different thing, but no, just having one is not comparable to building a successful career.

Yes I think this is the thing. Having done a good job of raising your children, so that they are happy adults, especially if against the odds (eg you don’t have money, your child have extra needs of one kind or another etc) is an achievement. Just giving birth isn’t.

I think the point is that the world of work is essentially competitive. Thinking of some really high prestige jobs: consultant neurosurgeon, high court judge, finance director of a FTSE 100 company - there are only a few people who can attain those positions. Obviously they are quite extreme examples but to have a successful career of any kind you have to win at stuff against other people (getting a place at uni or on a training course, getting a job, getting a promotion….).

Being a parent sure is hard work but it’s not a competitive sport (or it certainly shouldn’t be) so I don’t know the extent to which you can directly compare the two.

It's a choice that I made, and I'm very glad that I made it, but I don't see it as an achievement. I'm immensely proud of my dd and of the person she has become, but her achievements are all her own.

I also haven't found it a particularly difficult task. Yes, the early years were hard work when dd never slept, but I always found it very rewarding, and I felt that I could just follow my instincts and know that things would work out. I loved being a mum from the start.

As for being thankless, that hasn't been my experience. I don't expect thanks but my dd has always been very appreciative and grateful for stuff. I don't need thanks or recognition from anyone else.

Raising children is hard but other than you, no one else knows if you are actually doing a good job of it in the way that a career can be judged. People are said to have successful careers based on agreed measures from external sources, boss, colleagues, HR panels ect. Reflected in not losing their job, being promoted being paid more, becoming more specialised etc.
So no. It won't be celebrated in the same way because there is no agreed standard of good parenting. There is a minimum of course but above that is just too open to opinion and differences is views. Being a parent isn't enough of a thing to be celebrated in its self because quite frankly you could be doing a crappy or just middling job of it, what's to celebrate there?