Having children isn't viewed as an achievement, the same way having a successful career is

[gagablacksheep]

Just wondering what people's thoughts are on this.

Having children is the hardest thing I've ever done, yet, I feel like, as the majority of people have children- it's nothing ' special ' that you get any kind of pat on the back for, in the same way you would - if, say you had a very successful career.

The kind of social standing that comes with being very successful career wise, just isn't the same, as being a mum. Most people can be ' a mum ', but most people can't have very successful careers.

Is it just me, or is being a mum just a bog standard thing, that seems a bit 'thankless' in the eyes of society ? Sorry if I've not explained my feeling and thoughts very well.

I’d be surprised if they did that, as we’re a close knit family and none of us have moved particularly far. I live in a village next to my home town. DH is 40 minutes from his parents and they think he lives “far away” lol. So I doubt they’d move to different countries!

But I have plenty of hobbies and interests - I paint, I garden, I read. I enjoy hiking. I read Tarot (which will get me a frown on here! I am pagan), I grow and dry herbs (and sell some of the rarer ones for others to grow, like mugwort and plantain). I play dungeons and Dragons. Something I want to do when my kids are older is do a tour of the supposed most haunted places in Britain and stay overnight nearby. I enjoy camping, holidays by the sea and in mountain ranges. I love dogs and would probably get another one. Loads of things!

@ForestFae

I thought you said it didn't matter which parent it was?

I really wish the thread hadn’t descended into the tedious typical SAHM vs WOHM rubbish (and I say that as someone who got dragged into it) as I think this is a way more interesting topic, and what the thread was supposed to be about. This has been my experience at work watching the massive fuss made of marriage and pregnancy announcements (as opposed to career advancements, which nobody really remarks on).

Yep me too! I’ve had lots of professional achievements without much comment. Family achievements (engagement, marrriage, babies, children’s achievements) get loads.

If they’re happy, why does this matter? Vegetarian parents model being vegetarian. Religious parents model being religious. Every single family will to some extent, model their beliefs. So what though?

It doesn’t. It’s up to couples to decide that for themselves. But I think it’s beneficial for most kids to have one parent home.

Because perpetuating these stereotypes harms women on a societal level.

@ForestFae

So it can be mysoginist for it to be the woman even if you think that.

No reason for it not to be the dad.

Or both

And I think it’s beneficial to most kids - and the future of society - to see that men and women are equal, and that women can be more than “just” mothers.

So none of us should be stay at home mothers because some women don’t like being stereotyped that way? Sorry, that’s not fair. It’s more sexist to say I shouldn’t be able to do something just because I’m a woman, than it is for a woman to choose being a SAHM

Because perpetuating these stereotypes harms women on a societal level.

Which is why careers education is so important and it's really key to start this as early as possible to you young people all of the choices available to them.

@adlitem

Would you announce a professional achievement in the same way?

I don’t understand why you would be “modelling” anything other than your authentic self to your children? I love being a SAHM, I’d probably have loved being a WOHM, but you really only get one turn at life so I did what I thought would make us all happy. Why would I do any different?

Because aside from the non financial benefits of work, that you don't recognise but nevertheless exist; not everyone can be a passive beneficiary of capitalism. Some people will not have partners who financially support them or inherit from wealthy parents.
If these children want to grow up to indulge their lifestyle choices even a little, they will need to earn money.
Its not long before ideas of what can be achieved due to biological sex or background take hold, so presenting a full range of options to children at an early age, before this happens, maximises their chances of choosing work that is fulfilling rather than that is expected of them.

That’s not fair. Why shouldn’t I be able to do something I want to do, just because I’m a woman? That’s sexist.

So being a mother is not “equal”? Why? And it’s pretty rude to call SAHMs “just” mothers.

Yes and no. Now maybe not so much, but e.g. I qualified in my profession around the same time I had my daughter. I announced both on Facebook, as was the way then, both got well wishes and congratulations but the baby post probably got 3 times - if not more - the amount responses.

Well a sahp only mothers vs a wp who works and mothers. I put it in inverted commas because I didn’t want it to be a reflection on value, but that is the facts in terms of function.

i am not sure what you mean re mothers not because no equal. But no, women are being treated equal if they are expected to carry the entire burden of childcare and house making to support the father’s career. Fathers should be equal parents to enable mothers, if they choose to, have a career too.

I have not raised my daughters to 'bag a rich man.' Sorry, but what a dimwit thing to say that is. My husband was not rich when I met him, he had just left the military and has nothing. Nobody ever gave him anything. We are a team and we work hard to give our children opportunities we never had. My daughters can and will do anything they want and, as long as they're happy, we will support them. If they want to be with their own children, I'm certainly not going to try to shame them for that. But also, if they are working mums, I will be happy for them. Whatever they want. It's their life. Can't stand all this sanctimonious bollocks about women telling other women how to feel.

@ForestFae

Its not sexist lol

It is. If your argument is I shouldn’t do it because I’m female, that is sexist. I have the right to decide for myself

@ForestFae

That's not my argument

Although thinking you're better suited to it because you're female is sexist

I think people should be valued for what they bring to society. A successful career can mean a multitude of things, in my opinion someone who is making £££s in a role that benefits noone other than their family is of less value than a poorly paid carer who supports lots of vulnerable people. Yet the first person will usually be deemed to be the one with the successful career.

A parent who brings up their children to become good caring citizens is of greater value than the high earner.

@catculture

Hard work is subjective especially when describing being a sahm and a finance person

Most people earning lots of money will be paying a lot of tax (tax evader/ avoiders excluded). So it’s not entirely accurate to say it only benefits their family.