To hate it when people say “my husband/partner/boyfriend doesn’t do the night feeds because he works”

[ForestFae]

Every time I see or hear this phrase, I rage. Usually said by some poor sleep deprived new mum who’s looking after the baby/ies all day long. Why is looking after a baby not considered valuable work? Why are men getting away with using this rubbish excuse?

Me too, op, me too

I didnt do night feeds/wake ups when I was working and he was off the next day.

Fuck that

This was me. I bf both of mine didn't see the point of him being unnecessarily awake in the night.

It rages me too, only way it can feasibly be excused is if said husband is up at 5am and working on a building site / operating dangerous machinery every day. Office jobs are not a good enough reason.

I agree. I exclusively breastfed because I could not find a way to get DC to take a bottle, so I was stuck with all the night feeds. There were days I was so tired I genuinely felt dangerous to be in charge of a baby.

Even now, if I think about DH swanning off to work and breezing in through the door at the end of the day, complaining about being 'tired', I feel violent.

Me too.

We both work. DP does most of the night wakings with our little one, simply because he copes better than I do on little sleep.

And although I'm back at work now, he did most of the night wakings when I was on mat leave too.

Someone will say you can catch up on sleep when baby sleeps during the day. But mine would never nap for longer than 30 mins so it gives me the rage too.

Yep. I did all the night feeds for our because I was bf and it was easier. I have genuinely hardly ever got up with the kids since. I need more sleep that dh so once feeding was out of the equation he did the bulk. It’s ridiculous that men need their sleep ‘because they work’. Everyone bloody works when there’s a newborn in the house.

Wtf has it to do with you? Unless it is you wanting your partner/husband/boyfriend to sit up all night and go to work the next day there is no reason why you should rage at all.
Personally I did the night feeds because I was feeding the baby myself and because I didn't want my DH to lose his job whilst I was on maternity leave.

I said this about DH, he works in the emergency services. If he makes a mistake due to sleep deprivation people may actually die.

He helped in other ways.

Meh. With our first baby it made sense to do it this way. I was breastfeeding so didn't see the point in H getting up when I would be getting up anyway. I could catch up with sleep during the day whereas he couldn't. But I did insist that H get up at 6am as DS1 got older If I had been up a lot with him.

With DS2 I still did all the night feeds but H changed nappies and got up with DS1

DH did generally help so I’m not sure I ever said this. But after the first 6 weeks or so I was never as tired on maternity leave as I was when I went back to work so I’m not sure it’s as ludicrous a statement as people make out. Depends whether you have a challenging job or not, I suppose.

DP and I both work in jobs where this is a risk. We have no choice but to muddle through - one of us is inevitably going to work sleep deprived!

fine if it’s a joint decision. Not simply make entitlement. I did all the night waking. I worked full time

YABU. If a parent is on maternity leave, then during the working week, night wakings are their job. It would be very selfish for someone to leave a partner to get up and deal with a baby throughout the night if they have to go and do a full days work when they themselves can have the day at home.

It's weird because babies don't all miraculously sleep all night by the time the mum returns to work so many people manage to go to work after a broken night.
So.what happens then?

So you'd love it if your bus driver/doctor/gas man/child's teacher was sleep deprived because his child's mother insisted her role at home was just as important as his?

Of course her role is important, but you can doze in front of the tv etc when you're at home with a baby.

DH took his turn at weekends and he did the last feed at night so I could have an early night, but night feeds were mine during the week. Apart from the danger to his customers, working sleep deprived was a risk to his safety.

Exactly my point

Because he works 12 hour days and I can sleep in the day?!

I did all night feeds/wakings in the first six months as I wasn’t at work, my husbands taking six months off so now he is doing them all. We take it in turns at weekends.

How many babies are still "feeding" in the night at 12mo?

@drRose fair point if you're both working while doing night feeds.
I didn't word it as clearly as it was in my head, but meant while I was on maternity leave and didn't have to worry about being tired during work.

Of course they are. Any job that requires high levels of concentration and/or alertness need sleep. Do you want your pension fund managed by someone who’s half asleep? Or your prescription filled by someone who can’t concentrate? Or to drive your children to school with other drivers half asleep behind the wheel?

YABU for judging other people's set ups, it's none of your business, but YANBU to rage at your own DH if you don't want that set up!