to hate that MIL brings all her coffee stuff when she visits?

[classicnegroni]

It drives me mad. DH and I are both quite into coffee so it’s not like we just have a jar of five year old instant coffee brought out for guests. We have a coffee grinder, espresso machine, French press and V60 dripper, as well as coffee beans from our local roasters and a bag of pre-ground. If I were a MNetter’s DH I’d probably be called a coffee wanker!! She is welcome to use any of it. But she always brings a load of stuff with her and clutters up the counter with it (I hate having clutter out on the counter, but there’s not room in the cupboard for this extra stuff and she’d just move it back to the counter anyway).

I’d understand bringing a bag of decaf, though we’d happily buy it for her, but most of what she brings is equipment we have anyway and caffeinated coffee, which we have plenty of also. It’s brought with an air of what we have isn’t good enough which is pissing me off too. I wouldn’t dream of doing this at my friends’ houses, even the one whose ancient jar of instant coffee was so solidified it would have taken a chisel to remove the coffee! I just drink the coffee they have or don’t drink coffee. So AIBU not to want to have my counters cluttered with someone else’s coffee crap or am I being too grumpy?

It sounds as if she's being unreasonable for bringing it, but tbh I find it hard to inagine getting so wound up about a few things belonging to a guest being on a counter for a while. How long does she stay for?

Ask her if she wants you to show her how your stuff works?

She brings her own machine and coffee? Weird, and rather rude as it suggests your coffee is undrinkable!

YANBU. I’m very fussy about my tea, but if I’m at someone’s house I’ll ask for water. If I know them well, I’ll make my own. I’d never bring my own tea bags/cups etc.

She's colonising 😁. What's she like in other respects?

My mum prefers shitty instant and sweetener neither of which we keep at home so I just let her crack on.

My mum drinks Mellow Birds with skimmed milk and sweetener

It is rude and annoying, but if this is the worst thing she does, put your own stuff away and use hers for the duration of her visit. "Thank you MIL, so kind, I look forward to your lovely coffee".

Does she not come very often? Can't you keep some in for her?

Why?

That is quite odd behaviour. Have you ever asked her why she does it?

I can see the cluttering up of the counter being irritating. It is quite inconsiderate. Could you get a box to put her belongings in so that they are tidied away?

I dont think this would bother me at all.

Because if she's doing it deliberately to annoy, it will drive her mad and if she's not it's a nice thing to do.

Is this when she’s staying a few days? If it is I don’t think it’s so bad, if it’s a day visit I think it’s very bizarre!

if it’s what I think it is, and when she comes to stay, I would bet my bottom dollar that she is afraid of using your things and doesn’t want to let on. I don’t know how to use any of those things you mentioned, and I wouldn’t want to ask every time I wanted coffee. Is the one she brings an easy to use pod machine? If so I’d be certain that’s the reason.

I'm with you OP.
My MIL thankfully barely sleeps over any more, but when she does she makes a huge point of bringing her own bedding - duvet, pillows, the lot.
Our house is lovely - clean, tidy, freshly washed bedding - but it's done with an air of 'yours isn't good enough'.
Oh and it's not to save me a job either - the thought would quite literally never cross her mind.

Coffee is expensive. Do you think maybe she does this not to cause you additional expense? I always take my own coffee and equipment to my in laws for this reason. I also think it makes it less awkward if you are dying for a brew and don't want to ask them to make you one/aren't comfortable using their stuff.

Does she take them away with her when she goes? My mum brings her own coffee and squash etc as she doesn't like the cheaper brands we have. She leaves them in my kitchen and no one else is allowed to use them either. (We see her once a week)

Your husband hasn't spoken to her about this? It's just rude and ridiculous.

That’s very annoying, yes.
Jar of instant or particular tea bags if you know they don’t keep either in, or bag of decaf coffee beans, no probs. All the sage equipment you have anyway… crazy. Hasn’t your DH been offended she’s rejecting his coffee yet?

Following from my post above, this is the same MIL that once said she'd 'bring pudding' and showed up with all of the ingredients to make an apple pie!
I mean she bought apples, butter, sugar, needed to use our flour - and used several mixing bowls which she didnt wash up - and rolled pastry out on our kitchen table that was laid for a lovely lunch that we'd made, and then needed our oven to be on for an hour.
What planet!!?

(Aside, I was just thinking to myself yesterday how nice it was when we were finally able to get rid of the artificial sweetener and Very Particular Teabags my FIL’s partner demanded we kept for their extremely infrequent visits. The box was about 3 years out of date by the time they eventually didn’t visit any more )

I'm a massive coffee wanker, but I would never bring my stuff to someone else's house. I would bring a pillow and pillowcase with me, but that's because I use one with neck support and I'm allergic to a lot of laundry detergent and fabric softeners, so I would otherwise have a rash on my left cheek and a stiff neck.

I guess the only two things you can do is firstly, to clear her a shelf in a cupboard and tell her it's for her coffee stuff, and secondly, bring all of your coffee stuff with you when you visit her.

Do they already drink proper coffee and have all the equipment? If they do then they won’t care about you making coffee. It really is odd to take your own personal stash. But them an extra bag by all means as a gift, but don’t bring all your kit with you!

Me neither.
We need to hand our MN All MILs are shit badge in.

It would irk me for a minute but I would let her have it. I"d be happy not to have to make it for her lol