to hate that MIL brings all her coffee stuff when she visits?

[classicnegroni]

It drives me mad. DH and I are both quite into coffee so it’s not like we just have a jar of five year old instant coffee brought out for guests. We have a coffee grinder, espresso machine, French press and V60 dripper, as well as coffee beans from our local roasters and a bag of pre-ground. If I were a MNetter’s DH I’d probably be called a coffee wanker!! She is welcome to use any of it. But she always brings a load of stuff with her and clutters up the counter with it (I hate having clutter out on the counter, but there’s not room in the cupboard for this extra stuff and she’d just move it back to the counter anyway).

I’d understand bringing a bag of decaf, though we’d happily buy it for her, but most of what she brings is equipment we have anyway and caffeinated coffee, which we have plenty of also. It’s brought with an air of what we have isn’t good enough which is pissing me off too. I wouldn’t dream of doing this at my friends’ houses, even the one whose ancient jar of instant coffee was so solidified it would have taken a chisel to remove the coffee! I just drink the coffee they have or don’t drink coffee. So AIBU not to want to have my counters cluttered with someone else’s coffee crap or am I being too grumpy?

That last suggestion made me smile.

I’m afraid I do this. I need a very strong coffee first thing, and I have friends (usually though not exclusively American) who make dishwater, plus I’m an early riser and usually up first, so I bring my own coffee and means to make myself a strong one. I don’t leave it on the counter though!

MIL turns up with a vat of Nescafe. At least yours bring actual coffee.

Not one I could get worked up about tbh.

It's mildly irritating but frankly you need to unclench.

About the MIL bringing her own bedding, I'm getting close to the stage of doing this, I have a carefully curated set of bedding, including special pillows that prop me up for my reflux without making my sore neck worse, a wool duvet that keeps me warm without making me sweat (singke duvet each for DH and i) linen covers that are lovely and cool but soft. Whenever DH and i have to rough it in a hotel with a syntheti shared duvet my sleep deteriorates so much it takes me a week to recover! So YABU to complain about that, just wait until your'e menopausal....

I’d be a bit insulted by this, to think my MIL felt she couldn’t get a decent cup of coffee at my house!

Pick your battles. On a scale of 1 to "Pretends allergies don't exist though my child has a life threatening allergy" this should hardly register.

I take my coffee to work because I can’t stand the type they have. People like what they like, if it’s the clutter that bothers you, how long is she staying for?

it wouldn’t bother me if someone brought something that made their stay with me more comfortable, better for them to have something they like than to dread coming to stay because they can’t get a ‘decent’ (subjective) brew.

Bit of a storm in a teacup if you ask me...

I probably wasn’t clear, she’s not bringing a machine, it’s mostly coffee drippers, her own mugs, a Chemex (with standard paper filters so not even a Chemex), filter papers. I accept the espresso machine isn’t easy for everyone to use, but a French press is very accessible and the V60 is pretty much exactly what she brings with her! So it’s not for lack of knowledge. She doesn’t bring coffee as a gift, just spreads it all out on the counter and just makes herself a cup without offering it around and takes it with her when she leaves. It’s not that she hates coffee we buy either, as she’s asked DH as coffee for a gift several times. She always stays for a few days, as she live a several hour drive away.

Also someone said if this is the worst thing she does fair enough, but I think it’s more annoying to me as she’s rude and demanding in general, especially to DH, so probably why I have a lower tolerance, and why I really wasn’t sure if I was being unreasonable. Neither of us have spoken to her about it because she only visits a few times a year and I’ve been hoping she’d stop after realising we have coffee and things to make in. I might point her to the coffee and V60 she uses again this time so she knows where it is.

Coffee people can be so tedious.

I'd possibly be a bit nonplussed but people can be funny with their little ways.

Sounds like your MIL is the coffee wanker!

If you don't want to talk to her about it, I would get her a basket that she could put all of her shit in, and she can then keep it in the guest room.

If she's doing it to be an arse then make a big fuss of her oh mil you are sooo wonderful. You save me so much effort, it's really thoughtful of you.

It's quite a reach to assume she's doing this to wind op up, and why would using hers be a "nice thing to do" anyway?

Yeah this would annoy me. Anyone I invite in to my home I know well enough to discuss how they like their coffee, and make them something to suit with the range of options we have (instant, chemex, all singing and dancing automatic bean to cup dual hopper with both decaf & caf). I'd be fine with someone turning up with a bag of their preferred beans or favourite insulated mug.... but a chemex? It's a fairly generic dripper.

It feels like its about "territory", not coffee 😂
Is your DH her golden child?

On this alone I think you are BU. The issue itself seems incredibly small and shouldn't really affect you as she's not making you do anything for her or complaining or anything. Just bringing something to make her perfect coffee. You seem to be reading a lot into it which is maybe more of the source of irritation. But none of us can tell from your post if she's looking down on your coffee or not. Doesn't sound like it from what you say as she asks for your coffee for presents. It could be many things. it could be she is attached to her coffee routine itself which some people get really into or could be calming, might be she likes her coffee just so and doesn't know how to achieve that at yours, it could be she's intimidated by your machinery and doesn't quite know how to use and doesn't know how to ask. Who knows? Whatever, it does seem like a harmless thing really.

I do think people can get set in their ways about certain things particularly with meals and foodstuffs and drinks. Presumably you can shift her stuff a bit if it's really in the way. But it might be more that it's symbolic to you and that's why it's so irritating. I have relatives whose extensive routine and instructions with a teabag is a bit tiresome. More because it's a blinking faff to make them a cuppa! But I don't think it's that big a deal really. They aren't being rude, they just love their tea that way. I think your visitor with her coffee is less annoying as at least she's brought the stuff and doing it herself.

I can’t say it’d bother me to be honest especially as I feel like how you like your coffee is quite an individual thing

She likes what she likes . My MIL used to bring bags of food and crap. Didn't want to put me out and was habit of hers aftwr having 4 kids and visiting people not a big deal.

I probably wasn’t clear, she’s not bringing a machine, it’s mostly coffee drippers, her own mugs, a Chemex (with standard paper filters so not even a Chemex), filter papers.

I genuinely couldn't give this a second thought. Possibly temporarily a tad annoying but even that's a stretch.

You’re making. Mountain out of a molehill.

I am in this very same boat.