to hate that MIL brings all her coffee stuff when she visits?

[classicnegroni]

It drives me mad. DH and I are both quite into coffee so it’s not like we just have a jar of five year old instant coffee brought out for guests. We have a coffee grinder, espresso machine, French press and V60 dripper, as well as coffee beans from our local roasters and a bag of pre-ground. If I were a MNetter’s DH I’d probably be called a coffee wanker!! She is welcome to use any of it. But she always brings a load of stuff with her and clutters up the counter with it (I hate having clutter out on the counter, but there’s not room in the cupboard for this extra stuff and she’d just move it back to the counter anyway).

I’d understand bringing a bag of decaf, though we’d happily buy it for her, but most of what she brings is equipment we have anyway and caffeinated coffee, which we have plenty of also. It’s brought with an air of what we have isn’t good enough which is pissing me off too. I wouldn’t dream of doing this at my friends’ houses, even the one whose ancient jar of instant coffee was so solidified it would have taken a chisel to remove the coffee! I just drink the coffee they have or don’t drink coffee. So AIBU not to want to have my counters cluttered with someone else’s coffee crap or am I being too grumpy?

🤣😂

I am the complete opposite of a coffee wanker, but I do take my own instant coffee, tea bags and sweetener when we go to stay with family. In my defence I have to have decaf for health reasons and there is only one kind of each that I like, and none of my family use sweeteners. I would very much like to take my own bedding when I stay with my children because their duvets and pillows are truly awful! But I dont. I do take a small feather pillow with me however as I simply cannot sleep on anything else, but it is very discreetly packed in my bag and I don't make a thing of it. My children don't like feather pillows so I have bought non-feather ones for the spare beds in my house.

@Lp8 lol

welcome to MN 😆

Me and DH take our tea and coffee with milk and sugar. We always have. We are in our 40s.

MIL sticks rigidly to a Healthy Diet and does not eat anything tasty any fats or sugars and does not allow FIL to either.

Every single time we go to their house for a visit (couple of hours drive away) we have this ridiculous sharade of MIL offering cups of hot brown water, and DH saying bloody hell mum you know we have milk and sugar and starting to make it himself and her then making a massive deal of looking confused and hunting literally high and low around the kitchen saying ''Oh! Shug-ar? Erm ....'' as if she's never heard of it 🙄🙄

FIL always eyerolls and just gets the bag down from the cupboard above the kettle.

I mean - why??
(there's nothing wrong with her btw. She throws dinner parties/goe to posh do's/they travel abroad all the time ect)

I think it depends on what you know of her.i have known a few people,especially with food or drink who are a little disordered or comfort routine based. And so I barely blink.but sounds to me this is more to do with a wider problem for u to you mil

Try the response when u take your own semi skimmed milk to a dairy farm!

She either finds your equipment too fiddly or difficult to work, or she prefers the taste of her own.

Do you have one of those machines that takes 10mins to warm up and you have to let the coffee stream ‘blonde’?

You're being grumpy. Family visiting my house can bring whatever they want to make themselves feel at home. She likes her own coffee, so what? Maybe you feel affronted that she doesn't like yours. I'd hate to think I'd be this unwelcome in my adult child's house.

not the highlight necessary, but an essential and enjoyable component

it's small pleasures like this that make life worth living

@SausagePourHomme I completely agree 😊

I would find it rude. First, hi, she's a guest. Indicating to the host that their coffee isn't good enough for you is just rude, imo.

Second, our house is over 100 yrs old. It's lovely, but one of the issues is a lack of counter space and cupboards. Someone bringing all their coffee paraphernalia and dumping it on my counter would make my kitchen impossible, since they'd literally have to make room by moving our stuff off. Our toaster has to live on the kitchen table since there's no room on the counter or in the cupboards for it, and my husband had to build me shelves for all my other small appliances (think blender, mixer, etc) b/c there was nowhere in the kitchen to keep them.

Wow, can I come round to yours? You sounding a dream 😀

This!
my MIL brings her own food as we clearly don’t eat the other times of the year, and her own manky dish cloth. She tries to rearrange stuff in the kitchen which I just move back and then she moves it to where she thinks it should be. We no longer meet at our house, but a neutral restaurant!

Start thinking what inconvenient must-haves you can take to her place. Air freshener; proper soap; softer towels.

Ok a small thought here

if she is form different area, tea, coffee and any drink made with water can taste different to what you are used to due to changes in water hardiness…could that be true here?
she may think your equipment is tainted. Or your pants at making it but too polite to say it…making her own admittedly won’t make it any better but she probably convinces herself it’s better than you making it.

I used to hate tea at a relatives when I was young and lived up north - thought it was vile…it was the water as I discovered when I moved to a hard water area myself. Then when moved up north again took me ages to readapt my taste buds again. Moved a year ago, still hate weird tasting water in my new location from the tap to drink - I have to chill it well to make it more palatable to me right now. I will get used to it, but it’s just weird.

just a thought…

Hardness not hardiness…don’t think water lacks hardiness 🤣🤣

Yeah - wouldn’t bother me either

@EmilyBolton yes!

We live in a hard water area and often visit relatives in soft water area where a decent cup of tea is impossible to us. Even with our favourite tea bags. Although coffee, I can't tell the difference.

I'm on the fence OP, I'm a poor sleeper and if we are staying away I take bedding as it maximises the chances that I'll sleep. If it's just a short stay I wouldn't take tea and coffee.

When we stay with relatives we take tea and coffee too as it's often for a week or more and that's far too long to do without something so important! They don't seem to mind.

I think as you get older you get very set in your ways. I'd let her get on with it and don't take offence.

Nope I wouldn't have this. 'MIL we haven't got room for all this stuff on the surfaces. I need them for cooking. So do you want me to set you up in the utility/your bedroom/garage?' Sorted

I'm not trying to make a huge leap here, just linking it to someone I know. I don't suppose she's in recovery at all? Mostly likely not but I thought I'd ask!

Weird and irritating but life's too short to fret about such things

Once again get your husband to question her motives, it's his mother. As for bedding, brilliant, let her bring her own, saves on washing, don't worry about it. With a bit of luck, she will find it too cumbersome and stop staying.

Let it go over your head, it's something she is precious about and makes her happy don't sweat it.

That’s so weird

As long as she takes it home when she's leaving I wouldn't care.