to hate that MIL brings all her coffee stuff when she visits?

[classicnegroni]

It drives me mad. DH and I are both quite into coffee so it’s not like we just have a jar of five year old instant coffee brought out for guests. We have a coffee grinder, espresso machine, French press and V60 dripper, as well as coffee beans from our local roasters and a bag of pre-ground. If I were a MNetter’s DH I’d probably be called a coffee wanker!! She is welcome to use any of it. But she always brings a load of stuff with her and clutters up the counter with it (I hate having clutter out on the counter, but there’s not room in the cupboard for this extra stuff and she’d just move it back to the counter anyway).

I’d understand bringing a bag of decaf, though we’d happily buy it for her, but most of what she brings is equipment we have anyway and caffeinated coffee, which we have plenty of also. It’s brought with an air of what we have isn’t good enough which is pissing me off too. I wouldn’t dream of doing this at my friends’ houses, even the one whose ancient jar of instant coffee was so solidified it would have taken a chisel to remove the coffee! I just drink the coffee they have or don’t drink coffee. So AIBU not to want to have my counters cluttered with someone else’s coffee crap or am I being too grumpy?

My mother-not in law- is just like this. Coffee connoisseur LOL. I sort of go blank when she starts critiquing hot drinks. If she cleans up after herself let her be

My parents show up with Tesco instant coffee because they hate my posh stuff (filter coffee). I don’t mind as it saves me buying it and keeping it in the cupboard. I like them to feel relaxed when here.

This is where I’d be very passive aggressive about this. It’s one thing bringing her own coffee “stuff” and putting it in a press out of the way or asking where shall I leave it. But to just leave it spread out on the counter top is just not on. I would
make a point to get a basket/box and EVERY SINGLE TIME she’s makes a cuppa to out all the bits back in and back in the press. Even with the added. “Just letting you know I’ve tidied your coffee stuff away in the press”
it’s your house your rules. It’s so disrespectful of her to leave it lying about.

Get over yourself and get a life! She likes her coffee as she likes it. No big deal. You are a coffee snob and should understand her preference. Your MIL is entitled to her quirks the sane way you are. No big deal.

Sometimes I struggle with even having other people in my house, let alone their stuff. I HATE having things out on the side in the kitchen even things like the coffee/tea/sweeteners all have to be put away and the coffee machine is in a cupboard (to be fair we aren't fussed on using it - it's not the taste we like - just the caffeine and getting through the day!)

I'm not at all bothered or offended if someone wanted to bring their coffee/tea/juice/drink to my house so they can have what they want - but bringing something I already have and they know it - well that would wind me up - especially over time.

This wouldn't bother me but the fact she's rude would.

She doesn’t like your coffee so brings her own. No big deal, get over it.

As she is a relative, I think she should feel comfortable enough to bring her own home comforts without you making it into a thing. She doesn’t need to be polite like a less familiar guest would be. She is your partner’s Mum! I think you are being unreasonable.

Well, I'd get up in the middle of the night, dump it in a box and put it outside her guest room door. And repeat every time it reappeared. And deny all knowledge if questioned. But I have been waging an extremely petty toilet roll war against DH for the last 19 years (although I am RIGHT and he is WRONG), so I'm pretty sure you shouldn't listen to me.

Well, I'd get up in the middle of the night, dump it in a box and put it outside her guest room door. And repeat every time it reappeared
Why in the name of God would you do that? That's not normal behaviour.

Neither is bringing all of your coffee shit to someone else's home.

Just say it to her. 'I don't understand why you've brought your own things, you're more than welcome to help yourself to ours, I can show you if you like' and wait for her response.

I don't believe in pandering, not to adults OR children...ever.

Glad my in-laws lived in Australia and my parents lived 180 miles away. Mum hated sleeping away from home so never came to visit it was always us visiting them and I'm not a coffee snob although I do have two pro Gaggia machines. I've now moved on to Nescafé Gold Cappuccino sachets delivered by Amazon every 4 weeks. Suits me.

I must admit I do take stuff to my daughter's. I have ibs and feel insecure if I don't have the bread and milk that I can tolerate.She would get it in for me but she has enough to do getting their stuff in. I expect I get on her nerves but I take treats for everyone so I think I'm forgiven Mums eh.

God, I just can't understand someone taking a load of coffee paraphenalia to someone else's house. Especially when they already have loads of stuff to make you a good cup with. Just bizarre.

Both coffee and tea are terrible at my PIL's house, due to the water. I found that out by taking my own tea bags - no difference. They also do the "what is milk" charade similar to the "shu-ger??" thing, and memorably once suggested that we should bring our own. Two hours journey, across Central London, on public transport, on Christmas Eve, when travelling to stay with them with three children, including a baby and toddler. They aren't elderly. There are three adults in their household, with a car each, and a shop within 5 minutes walk of their house...

Maybe she hates your French press fandangle?
Maybe she really prefers her own coffee.

Don't be so anal about bits on your worktop for a few hours.

It's a bit odd and impolite, but if that's the worst she does, I wouldn't consider it a big deal.

I do this, but the other way around 😳

I only like shitty instant with lots of sweetners... and only one type of shitty instant and only the shitiest of shitty sweetners. I take my own everywhere because everyone else seems to have much 'nicer' stuff and I just don't like it.

DH is a coffee wanker and thinks my preference is a sign of sociopathy 😂

Maybe get a tray out for all her stuff, then put it somewhere eg utility room or sideboard for her to use when she needs it.

No, this is rude.
My aunt and cousin bring their own breakfast cereals when they stay with my gran even though gran offers to buy whatever and they she has a hotel’s worth of options. Always finds it a bit offensive and hates people playing with her oven.

I don't think you're being unreasonable exactly but equally, perhaps understand that she just likes things the way she likes them. I'd prefer someone to bring their own stuff if they didn't like mine - things like tea and coffee are so personal - although obvs I'd try to buy/make the right thing for them.

She's not just any normal guest though; she's your mother in law and as such, different rules apply. As long as it's not ridiculous and piss taking, I'd be much happier knowing that a family visitor is able to feel at home. I'd certainly try to not get wound up by a few extra items on my kitchen counter.

Sounds like she just wants something familiar to her. I culdn't get worked up about it.