to hate that MIL brings all her coffee stuff when she visits?

[classicnegroni]

It drives me mad. DH and I are both quite into coffee so it’s not like we just have a jar of five year old instant coffee brought out for guests. We have a coffee grinder, espresso machine, French press and V60 dripper, as well as coffee beans from our local roasters and a bag of pre-ground. If I were a MNetter’s DH I’d probably be called a coffee wanker!! She is welcome to use any of it. But she always brings a load of stuff with her and clutters up the counter with it (I hate having clutter out on the counter, but there’s not room in the cupboard for this extra stuff and she’d just move it back to the counter anyway).

I’d understand bringing a bag of decaf, though we’d happily buy it for her, but most of what she brings is equipment we have anyway and caffeinated coffee, which we have plenty of also. It’s brought with an air of what we have isn’t good enough which is pissing me off too. I wouldn’t dream of doing this at my friends’ houses, even the one whose ancient jar of instant coffee was so solidified it would have taken a chisel to remove the coffee! I just drink the coffee they have or don’t drink coffee. So AIBU not to want to have my counters cluttered with someone else’s coffee crap or am I being too grumpy?

I understand why she’s doing this because I’m very, very fussy about tea and I don’t drink instant coffee at all. I would far rather make my own pot using my own tea than drink whatever weak, milky dishwater my host would provide.

It's annoying, but it could be worse. Every time I see MIL she brings at least one large suitcase full of ancient attic crap that she thinks is relevant to our lives - old clothes she's saved from her DC's childhoods (we're talking faded, bobbly Fat Willy sweater and nylon Speedos here), 1970s revision guides for the subjects our DC are studying, piles of old tea towels she's nicked from work over the years...every time I see her, I think "surely she has run out of crap by now", but she never does

She means it kindly, and I wouldn't dream of hurting her by rejecting it. She can be really foul and controlling in some ways, and we do stand up to that, but the crap-dumping is her trying to be nice, so we accept it with good grace. DS2 wore the Fat Willy sweater to bed for about 5 years

This is why I'm a tea drinker.

Just say
Stop bringing all this stuff there isn't roomAnd it's not necessary cluttering up my kitchen

Has she got mental health issues? This sounds bizarre

My MiL hates my coffee and brings her own too! I offered to buy coffee prefers but she says she’d still rather bring her own. No skin off my nose, maybe a little eccentric but it doesn’t really bother me.

I would message before her next visit and say ‘what is the coffee you like again? I will get some in to save you bringing it each time’

YANBU. Absolutely wankerish behaviour as if your coffee is sub par. I have experience of this with my own MIL who used to bring her fucking Magimix and baking equipment with her when she visited. I got DH to remove it to her room as I was “tripping over it every 5 minutes”.

Seemed to work.

I get you @classicnegroni
Not quite as bad but my MiL brings towels with her when she comes to visit. No issue around sensitivities to washing powder etc.... and I know her thought is probably "oh I don't want to create extra washing" or something. But to me it just feels like she doesn't trust me to give her clean towels, which I always leave out anyway! And I've two teenage boys who seem to live in the shower so an extra towel or two is not going to be any hassle!

Could it be that she thinks yours is fancy and doesn't want to use it up? Or thinks if she uses your equipment, it might be inconvenient for you?

Did you marry Tim Horton's grandson?

Some people like their own thing when it comes to coffee. No harm in it really.

Does she use something different to you? I use a Moka pot but at my daughter's she has a Nespresso machine, took me a while to get used to smaller colder cups. I don't take my Moka pot with me when I go to stay, but if I wasn't flying I might, since she's family and I can relax ☺️. I have one cup a day and it's the only drink or food I am very specific about.

She sounds like my mum - best intentions and all of that!

I totally get her - making my morning coffee the way I like it is really important to me and I like the ritual. My day is just not as good if I don't have it!

Think of it as a small personality quirk. We all have them.

I mean, you're a coffee wanker, she's a coffee wanker, you're all coffee wankers. You don't have the monopoly on The World's Best Coffee, it's possible she thinks your coffee is shit, or just doesn't like the way you prepare it, or one of the many, many other tedious reasons that People Who Like Coffee get themself aerated about.

I agree, this is partly why I drink tea.

Not all instant is ‘shitty’. I don’t like filtered coffee (or rather, it doesn’t like me). I’ve noticed before there’s a lot of coffee snobbery on MN🤷‍♀️

I think the fact she brings her own cups makes her extremely unreasonable, like she thinks you can't wash the dishes properly or something.

I think both you and your MIL are really into coffee. At least you have a shared interest. This wouldn’t bother me at all.

That would wind me up even though I’d know it wasn’t worth it.

possible ideas :

*Put a tray and kettle in her room and move it all up there when she gets it out on the counter.

*Put your own stuff away while she visits and use hers.

*Put her stuff away somewhere awkward every time she gets it out and comment a lot on how you like your counters clear of clutter (this one’s kind of nasty, though).

Me neither.

My MIL used to bring all sorts of food with them biscuits, wraps, cheese, yoghurts, coffee, full meals etc. (Sonetimes I think she meant it helpfully, but other times it felt like control freakery)
I invited them for a birthday lunch once, and they turned up an hour and a half late (without calling to say they would be delayed) and had stopped at a motorway service station for prepacked sandwiches which they got out and ate, when I served lunch.
On the odd occassion I was actually permitted to actually host them as guests, they would always compliment me on the food but in quite a surprised or amazed tone.
I generally got on reasonably well with her, and I miss her, but that did wind me up. DH would always specifically say, we're hosting, don't bring any food, but it fell on deaf ears.

Can’t they just. I feel a right peasant as I only drink instant, black no sugar. Easy. I do like the ones in the tins though rather than the glass jars.

That would drive me potty too. My MIL expects us to buy her special milk, special bread, special muesli. She also expects fresh bedding every visit!! She visits every 3-4 weeks for 2 nights at a time. No one else even goes in the spare room when she’s not here, so I now insist on keeping the bedding on for 3 visits. She always strips the bed and I always put the same sheets straight back on…now in front of her. No bloody way do we have time to be washing a double bed every time.

And she never ever pays for anything!!! Even when we have a family lunch out with my parents, she never offers to pay, despite enjoying everyone else’s hospitality for years. We’ve now stopped doing paid activities when she’s here!! Exasperating really, as she’s always saving for extravagant and expensive holidays on her stupid bucket list.

I’d take your MIL’s mess instead of my MIL’s freeloading 😂

But is it loose tea or tea bags? Is it a mug or bone china? Do you put the milk in before the sugar or vice versa. Hot beverages are a complicated minefield.